"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." -Oscar Wilde-
Sunday, December 13, 2009
"Christmas Eve"
Friday, December 11, 2009
6,802,731,514
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Walk Cycle
Monday, November 30, 2009
Things just happen...
Friday, November 20, 2009
My Black Merona Leather Jacket
Looking Too Hard
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The World Is Just Scared
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Animations
Friday, November 6, 2009
Riddle Me This...
I Think I'm Lost...
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Sense in the Silence
Friday, October 9, 2009
What I love had become my number one enemy...
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Lyrics...
I feel like if there is anything I could do, it is fall too quickly and say too much when it comes to my heart. My poker face is a smile. I can't do it and there is nothing to explain. Even though I have a lot of fun, I hate playing all these games that leave me cold and empty. Whether I listen to your silence or your speeches, all I hear is a nothingness that makes my ears bleed. It is a lot of meaningless. You are saying nothing at all. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't just try to fill the air because it is there. I can't love a facade and so I never put one up, because I want to be loved for me. Don't be who you think you should be, but be yourself. It takes so much less effort and so much more courage and strength to be yourself. Can you even remember who you are anymore with all of the pretending. Why does being ourselves feel so wrong?
The craziest part of this pulling desire is that I can't stop searching no matter the cost or the pain. It is like a drug, an addiction, a bleeding scar. It is a lonesome battle of the heart. I live my fears when the ones that I love can't love me in return and at times I become my own nightmare for those that I call friends. Just friends... what irony because I hope to love my best friend. What a crazy idea. It is a thought that escapes me. It eludes me. It is in all reality, a dream. Something I have yet to find, and in the meantime burns a hole in my soul every day as time passes me by.
I guess this is why I love music: It lifts me up for that small moment to breathe life into a lonely broken heart. It is broken but not beaten. I don't give up easily because if it were easy, it wouldn't be worth fighting for. And so the music keeps me keeping on, one heartbreak, one heartache, one heartbeat at a time. Lyrics have always been my great escape.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Kreativ Blogger
No One Else Can...
Man of Miracles
Monday, September 7, 2009
The Color Code Test
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Just Sometimes
Saturday, August 29, 2009
No Time To Talk
Communication is a subject of importance because without it we simply don’t understand each other. We communicate in so many ways, many of which are without words. When we communicate, what we say is important but it is the smallest percentage of what we truly “hear” when we take the time to listen. The tone in which we speak, the body language we portray, everything we do affects more than what we in all reality say. I find it fascinating because our society has changed so much from a personal face-to-face communication to an increasing electronic world. Are we really benefitting from it or are we killing our already incredibly “social” society.
I have come to the conclusion that we are losing the ability to communicate. The art of public speaking and writing are fading. In defense, we still have our actors and actresses, players and playwrights, politicians and political debaters, and we find our own way to communicate even to those who in the past were beyond our reach. We now can communicate all over the world! I, a poor college student, can literally see my parents every night if I so choose all the way across the country. Tell them how I feel, how I did that day, everything I so desire. We have modernized our way of speaking.
There is a lot of good with all of this. There is a lot of things that can be misinterpretted in nonverbal communication. With all of that out of the way, it is a lot easier to content communicate. Mean what you say, say what you mean. Simple. Easy. Blunt. For a fast pace world, it is efficient to not have to worry about all those mixed signals and get straight dry cut answers. Isn’t that the point of technology to make things efficient, fast, and simple? But what have we lost and at what cost? Personal communication is dying in the onslaught of technology.
How has this happened? It starts with being behind a computer, a phone, or a television screen. How truly “social” can we be? We talk about how we can communicate so quickly using these new tools. But is it really faster to have a conversation through text messaging when your fingers are typing everything on the keypad of a phone designed to hold that conversation verbally and can be said that much faster than many of us can type? It is the same with Instant Messaging. But you can have multiple conversations at the same time! Then are we really communicating with any of these people in the first place? Communication is two way. Not only the ability to deliver information but to accept it as well. I really don’t think someone is listening when they are listening to everyone at the same time. If we can do that then maybe we just don’t even care.
Still, I think we do care but a majority of us, as the oncoming generations, are losing this art of expressing ourselves fully. We get lost or miscommunicate because we lack the experience to understand the nonverbal communication, since it is no longer necessary. I think my youngest sister is noticing it the most since she is without a cell phone or a facebook and she is in middle school. She is so deprived because her modernized social network is dependant upon those things.
An example that strikes closer to home, I struggle at times to say the right thing at the right time. I think we all do, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. I am one of those that at times, may over analyze, second guess myself, clam up a little bit at first, because I get nervous around some girls. I am worried if they will find me interesting, attractive, or if I will say something stupid. But that is just because I am interested. The more I thought about this, the more I realized that is why a lot of the time I may attract girls that personally I’m not interested in. Because when I’m not worried or thinking so much, I can be more of myself. I’m comfortable. Again, this all only applies to when I am talking to them in person. Why? Because otherwise, it doesn’t seem as real. There is no person there. It is a phone. There is no one there to take your breath away or laugh at you or distract you. But it is also because like I said, many of us lack the experience or haven’t developed this art of nonverbal communication. We don’t understand and so we question ourselves.
I find it funny to watch a boy on his cell phone texting a girl. He takes all the time in the world to come up with the perfect line, revising it, asking for suggestions from his friends on what they would say, and it becomes a joint project of testing out what actually works. It all makes me laugh. If he was actually in the moment, talking to her, how would he really respond? Would he stutter, stumble a little bit, laugh it off, ignore the question, or a thousand of other scenarios? This is what I think about. Our lack of understanding or use of nonverbal communication obviously affects our one-on-one face-to-face personal relationships. It affects them directly.
How can you foster it? I dunno. Practice? It is still a mystery to me and I definitely can’t translate girl. But I do know that it remains interesting as long as it doesn’t become awkward. Both parties have to be equally invested in a conversation and be actively involved. But you also can’t force it. You can’t force someone to be interested in what you have to say. Trust me. I have tried on numerous occasions with girls I really liked. It doesn’t work. So never try to be something you are not. Be yourself because that is what people are looking for anyways. To sell yourself, be yourself. It is that simple. And I understand that saying it is one thing, doing it is another.
We all put walls up at times. Sometimes, it is just the wrong time. Sometimes, it is the wrong person. Sometimes, it is the wrong time with the right person, and vice versa. Who knows? Maybe patience is the key because we all have a bad day once and again. Other times, it is best to be hundred percent open with things. But it is all trial and error. When Edison was being asked about all the trial and error he had with inventing the light bulb he said, "I didn't fail, I found 2,000 ways how not to make a light bulb; I only need to find one way to make it work." It all works out in the end. It always does. We just need to be persistent in following our dreams and work step by step. Before I can understand women, I first need to be able to communicate with them. I know. A big dream, right? Understand women. But when it is right, it will be natural. It will be easy. We won't even have to try. So I guess the best way to find out, to do that myself and see if she will follow suit. And when it happens, I will be the happiest man alive. I might finally be understood.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
The Poem I Wrote One Sunday Afternoon (March 18, 2007)
I wonder if I can be saved and with a prayer in my heart and my voice in song,
I see in my mind my Savior with all the little children around him and on his knee.
He looks up and calls me by name because he knows me, individually.
He talks to me, my exemplar, my brother, my friend.
His words are simple and strong but I don’t know if I can endure to the end.
Then I see him smile with love in his eyes, bringing to me the most peaceful calm.
I reach for his outstretched hand, grasping it over the hole in his palm.
He takes away my sins and burdens, lifts me up so I can stand,
So I will try to do the same for you, if you will just take my hand.
He heals me, completes me, saves my soul as I am up against the wall.
I pray to him and I know him, trusting through his love, he'll answer my call.
I want to walk where he walked, talk how he talked.
He was the best He could be, and so He died to save you and me.
Love is not just a feeling, but a state, a state of being.
It is what people do, how you treat people and how they treat you.
Just your actions and what you say, affects someone somewhere some day.
So live your life right, that when you leave this earth where you roam,
Our Father will say, well done my good and faithful servant, welcome home.
It's All About Perspective (Novemeber 7, 2006)
But now I feel weak and empty inside, knowing I did wrong.
My heart was no longer mine and blind was my sight,
Now I’m learning through the pain and it makes me strong.
All my grief had covered my day and turned it into night.
And I realized that I didn’t matter, I was just the pawn.
It still hurts when those thoughts come to mind that I fight,
Still I will get by because He is here and helps me along.
I see that Man is my enemy and He is my one true light,
So I will praise his works in action, word, and in song.
They only see me, but I see Him, His arms 'round me holding tight.
I hear Him, read of Him, love Him, from dusk ‘til dawn.
I can’t trust them anymore ‘cept Christ, He is my strength and my might.
And I will always love her, even though I’m here and she’s gone.
Funny how when things go wrong, you look again, and can make it alright.
To Girls... (December 4, 2006)
I just thought that you should know that I love you for the way you are. I don’t care that you think you have imperfections, because I can’t see them. I can only see you. I see you in the world around me. I see you in my dreams. I will think about you before I ever meet you. I will think about you when I am with you. But most of all, I will think about you when you are gone. I will comfort you when you are hurt or in pain. I will help you when you are confused or in need. I will hold you tight when you are afraid or cold. If I ever hurt you, than I am sorry for how that makes you feel. I am not sorry for the good times or even the bad times because that is how we grow. Don’t lie to make me feel better or not tell me what is wrong. But if you cry, know that I am crying with you even if it is only on the inside. Know that you are my reason for living and why I choose to wake up each day. If I don’t show you that you are special or treat you with respect, than please, please give me another chance. In this life, none of us were made to be perfect or complete and so God gave me you. So give me a moment and an opportunity to show my love for you. When I kiss you, kiss me back. When I embrace you, never let go. When our eyes meet, I hope you will smile too. When I hear your voice, I will always look for you. When I talk about you, I will never say an unkind word or allow others to either. When I laugh, it is because I love just being with you. I hope you will understand that I will never lie to you because I would do anything for you. And if you break my heart, I will never forget you and though, it may take time, I will always forgive you. You are stunning and you are beautiful, sometimes cute, but never hot. Because you are more than just a person and a body, but a spirit, a daughter of God. You are my strength and my purpose. You are my one and my only. I was privileged to know you and blessed to love you.
I will always be here,Your faithful boy
My Feelings on Physicality (February 3, 2007)
It is through this sacred union, this oneness, that a true marriage and true love can be found. It is through self-sacrifice and giving all of yourself to another, even to protect them at all costs from sorrow and from pain. Yet, the Son of the Mourning has been able to manipulate this love to make it an easy thing. Something unimportant that can be given away at will. This is not true. Every act of love, every emotion, feeling, sensation, every impulse is sacred. These are special to ourselves and to those we chose to impart them to. Every action, from an embrace to a kiss, has a sacred and special meaning. It is an act of trust, compassion, and of tenderness.
Since I was a child, I had always thought that the kiss and the love that was shown to me between my parents was something sacred. The way that my father would always try to protect and love my mother, even when it seemed to me that she was weeping over the petty things in life. The way she would always have us respect and honor him. This is what our Heavenly parents are like, I believe. No, I know this to be true. So, now I know and I want to share with you, whom ever you may be reading this, that I believe even the smallest acts of love and service, whether a kiss or a courtesy that shows to men that chivalry is not dead, can be seen as an act of God. God gave us bodies. We are supposed to control and redeem them as the holy temples which they are.
I used to not support my own claims and had problems controlling my own body and especially my own thoughts, for every action that we take is not on impulse but on premeditated practiced forethought. I have seen and done things that I sincerely regret, and now I wish to return to my innocence, that I will once again not believe that our every actions are insignificant and go unnoticed. There are eternal consequences for our every action and God is watching.
I had been offered to give part of my love away without any strings attached and I hesitated. Why would I hesitate? I hesitate because I am afraid to love them and that I will not be loved in return. I am a afraid that after I give away even my first kiss that if not given in the right moment to the right person, like some of my friends back home, I won’t be able to get it back. I have seen virgins, in the literal sense, fall into tears and retreat behind their strong facades, after loosely letting go of what is most dear to them. I will not put my love like a testimony before the swine. I will only share it with those that are willingly to love me back. I am proud to have never kissed anyone and I no longer care if that fact doesn’t change for years to come. If I am to share my life with someone, I want that eternal relationship to be as special and sacred to me, and to her, as it can be. I have taken advantage of the gifts that I have been given and I have felt godly sorrow for the sins that I have done. So it is my prayer for us all, for me and for you, that we can be strong enough to do what we know is right and face our temptations and see them as what they really are. They are just temporary, empty pleasures of the body, which can not bring the eternal happiness and joy that lifts the soul.
You may think I really overdid this but I have had personal problems that I had not yet forgiven myself for and because of that was unwillingly to share myself with anyone. Now that I have fully repented of those sins and thought deeply about what is in my future and what choices I have to make here, I know that this is how I truly feel. In my typical language, this is what I believe, take it or leave it.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Silence Isn't Really So Silent
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Takes a Little Faith
"Takes a Little Faith"
You confuse me, abuse me.
Your eyes betray your word
because your emotions are clearly blurred
I lied and said that I see
You smiled and laughed as you took
the kiss that shouldn't be given,
My angel from hell and heaven
and I smiled back with 'that look'
You don't make sense contradicting.
You kiss me with passionate force
telling me now, of course
Never again, which is so afflicting.
Why lie and hurt me so
when I can see what tomorrow brings.
Another day starting with singing
songs that bring me high so I can fall low.
Even though these feelings you fear,
waiting for what is meant to be
because I hope that you look for me.
And I will always be here.
We can fall asleep together
In each others' arms below the setting sun.
You and I, our souls are one
because what this is can be forever.
We just need to avoid speaking our minds
when we should speak from our hearts.
Words filled with enough secenes and parts
to drop your mask so be with me, be the loving kind.
I thought you'd know, be the one to understand.
I thought after all this time you'd begin to see,
how I care and gave you the secret parts of me.
Why can't you accept the kind of guy that I am?
I thought that what we had could last,
I thought that we recognized what we feel,
so all I could do was share what was real,
but you just moved on while I fall on past.
I thought that you wouldn't just use me.
I believed in people and the good of mankind
that's why this is such a confusing state of mind.
But I won't fall to the fear of what could be.
I believe in miracles, the possibilities, you and me.
Why couldn't you just have stopped to believe?
It is a rough peice of work... obviously. I put it aside and I will probably do some revisions and things so if you have any suggestions, critiques, etc. Let me know! It is interesting. I could have been hurt so many times in my life but I choose to just give away my heart instead of asking for it back. Love and lose, because I never had it anyways. I give without price. What a foreign concept to so many people? Freely giving, even with love. Anyways, good times and good people. But ya, I need suggestions, feedback... I NEED HELP! =) I need someone to love.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Oh What A Wonderful World
Friday, August 21, 2009
Running Away
"It Doesn't End Here"
Losing myself while losing the time
Lost my heart and now my mind
All the thoughts and words unsaid
Will be left inside my head
It felt slow but it goes by fast
All too soon I'll be part of the past
Why am I broken, unable to rest?
How do I kill that thing in my chest?
Do I have to leave or must I die?
All I seem to do to myself is lie
As fears overrun and doubts may come
When you know you have lost someone
That never will even know how you cared
Because you shouldn't have but you still dared
To look back into the Angel's eyes
Hold yourself back as alone she cries
This is how it feels to die every day
Waking up to not being able to say
Not that I can't but that I won't
Ever admit to myself that really I don't
Always and forever love you
World Is Blind
"Reasoning Away"
A man once wrote, "To be or not to be,"
But if I could have you be with me
To let you see all what I see:
The miracles, the world, the light
The difference between wrong and right
Is like the day to the night
I don't know what else to say
Because in all honesty, no such thing as grey
So let us choose together this day
Choose the right, Savior, Truth and Light
Who's on the Lord's side?
Who...?
"His Work and His Glory"
His love and all things He did do
A man born of God, to save all from sin
He would die for me and for you
He hung on a cross and bled in a garden
perfection of all charity
Sometimes I wonder, how much pain did He suffer
drops of blood given for me
What a gift? What a price, did our Father have
His Only Begotten to pay?
So that all mankind may live in heaven
with Him and His Son someday
But for us, remember, Heav's gates are closed
to all that come alone
So go out this day and save a soul
for by so doing, ye have saved thine own
"Just a Boy"
searching for light and truth
He asked the teachers and preachers
but heard nothing of faith, only proof
How do we truly know our elder Brother
and feel His redeeming love?
Where is the faith to ask the question
and receive answers from Heav' above?
So this boy through long hard study
went to ask His Father in prayer
And he was answered in a glorious vision
and to us this day he has shared
I opened my heart aloud in a grove
and my God and His Son I met
They told many things-- where to find the truth
and called me as a prophet
They said that an angel would come
to tell me of a record of gold
And that it would be scripture from the people
who lived here in times of old
They too had the Word and had seen the Savior
who came to teach them truth
And the Spirit does witness to me and to you
and this, that Book, is my proof
If this wasn't enough for the world
the boy would later give his life
And so must we-- lose ours to find them
in this world of evil and strife
Giving Gratitude
But the reason I'm getting into all of this is because one day I was asked to speak in church and I was thinking about it for a while and I decided that I would write down my testimony. As I did it began to evolve into what became "Just a Boy" and "His Work and His Glory." I hope you enjoy them both...
Praying Upon Our Memories
"The Rise and Fall"
As the days of summer come and go
The people will live as life is gone
Going gone into obscurity, until
They are able to move along
Move on past the days that turn
And fall away the memories by
By the wayside, the sun droops down
Painting the dusk in the azure sky
The lessons learned and loves of youth
Stay in the focus of our mind
But moving still forward, to the purpose
Of everything that can be called divine
The Sun has set but will come again
To fill our lives with light anew
Breaking through the dark and clouds
Bringing back all things good and true
Good friends and good times that last
In all the seasons of our lives through
True love, just wait, hold on still
The summer will bring me back to you
He has called and I have answered
To learn to save a soul or two
But True Love, just wait, it it worth it
For the Sun will bring me back to you
Changes Are Always Hard
"The Weak Things of the Earth"
No more sight, no more sense
no more strength, no self-control
Without power, without hope
without faith, without soul
Can you see life without purpose?
Can you imagine suffering without end?
Would you make the painful struggle
without a family? Without a friend?
Lost, confused, torn, forgotten
beaten, hated, spit upon
The same day in, day out, and always--
helpless, hopeless, but life goes on
Goes on past the day of tomorrow
past the life that withers gone
But in that day, full of sorrow
He tells the Weak, become the Strong
Become what you once were today--
not the night, but the dawn
Nothing can, nor will, overcome you
for I Am with you all along
Faithfully endure until the promise
obedience to the mark you must do
And if you will but humbly do this--
I will give you all that I am and more to you
Not a Believer in Fate
"You Are Not Your Own"
My feet take His word to His elect
My hands are to lift them to their God above
My knees are to kneel in holy prayer
My eyes are windows to His love
My heart is for understanding His voice
My mouth is to testify to His plan
My love is His to overcome the hardened heart
My life is an instrument in His hands
The time for planting seeds is over
The time for the harvest has begun
Men will continue to search for their God
And they'll find Him before the work is done
Thank God for all His tender mercies
Because without them there would be none
Who could return to live with the Father
If it had not been for the life of the Son