Looking Too Hard

These last couple of days have been rather interesting, maybe even the last couple of weeks. I am impatient but I am changing this. I understood something tonight while I was dialing my phone. I am looking for someone and I haven't found them yet, or I have and I have yet to realize it. Because at times I want to express my undying love for people and at times I feel like it is all fake. That I said those things because I felt lonely. I knew that someday I will find that person that I am absolutely crazy about and I will know I found her, because she will be absolutely crazy about me too. I said those things because I had hoped that I already did find her. But I keep on looking. I haven't lost faith. For a time I did lose all hope of that day ever coming. And then I saw myself for a second from the outside looking in. It is my way of doing things... all or nothing. But again, it will happen eventually. I don't know when. But things happen to fall into place when they are just right. So it will just happen. I don't need to worry.

This whole time I had put that little problem too closely in front of my face that I couldn't see all the wonderful things in my life. I don't need to worry. God has given me so much that I do not deserve. In fact, I do not deserve anything really. But still, He has given me people who really do love me and worry about me. He has taken good care of me. I have a roof over my head. I have the Savior in my life. I have my health. I have my family. And I have my dreams.

I have a dream of living in my own home. Mine. No debt. Something that I can call my own. Maybe I will be an animator or maybe I will be an engineer. I think I will be an engineer. I think I will like that. But this is something I can share. And it will be a dream worth sharing, with a family. And kids. Lots of them. And a wife that I can share it with. Her similarities will help us understand each other and our differences will complement one another, making us complete. We won't be perfect and we will have our fights, our tough times, and all those things that lovers do. But we will make it through and we will do it together. It is not a lot. But it is enough. As long as I do it by doing what God asks. That way it doesn't have to stay a dream but can be an eternal reality. I can raise my children in the gospel. And I can watch them raise their children in the gospel. And eventually I will die and I will be happy and I will meet my Maker and He will say, well done. Welcome home and He will take me in His arms and I will know. I will know what dreams are really like and what love really is. And whoever she is, that special someone who I dream about. None of it would be worth it if she wasn't a part of it. It is the people in our lives that make our memories and moments special. She will be. She already is. She is my reason for living, my one and my only.