Monday, May 23, 2011

Rolling Waves of Life

I was talking with my mom today when we had some free time. We talked about how things have been and I realized that life is made up of a lot of little things. Every week we have our ups and our downs. This last week I got a driving ticket for changing lanes and it was considered reckless driving. I tried calling the officer but I never heard back from him. I got an email from a teacher saying I had been referred by a past professor to help him on a research project. I haven't heard back from him either. I also got a scholarship for school. There are the ups and the downs, but it is what you make of it that matters. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes. In fact, I can see where I could be in my life right now but at the same point in time I have learned a lot about myself and my weaknesses and my strengths. It is humbling though to realize that there is so much I need to do and how much help I will need to get there.

If there is one thing I do know about myself is that I have learned how to see the best in every situation. There are things that could put me down but if you wait long enough, just like a raincloud, things have a way of clearing themselves up and the little things just go away. But you have to choose to rise above them and sometimes it takes everything you have. But I guess what I am trying to say is that in the long run, if you have to focus on the little things in your life, you get to pick where your perspective falls. If you are going to make mountains out of molehills at least choose to make a big deal of the good things that happen.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Tourist

Sometimes we can find certain actors that hit us just right. At the moment, no one really does it for me or gives as good of a performance as Johnny Depp. I will definitely admit at times he can be strange for lack of better words, but he is without a doubt memorable. I didn't love him as Willy Wonka in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Edward Scissorhands was overall very odd. And I never got around to seeing Sweeny Todd or Sleepy Hollow. However, he does star in quite a few of my favorite movies, including: Alice in Wonderland, Finding Neverland, Pirates and the Caribbean, and I am sure I will love Rango when I eventually end up seeing it. The movie I watched tonight is The Tourist. Not only does he play a highly convincing character but his ability to have chemistry with Angelina Jolie was amazing. I loved it. I have to say that many of these movies however different they may be are somehow connected to different memories of mine.

Whether it was my relationship with my grandfather, childhood memories by myself or with my family, The Tourist however was different because it was able to pull on where I feel I am in my life right now. I feel like at times, in order to get close to the people I care about I have to become who they want me to become. There is no clear way to come out and tell people how you feel. Yet, this is a part of the romance... part of the process. Angelina Jolie's character Elise Ward says it the best as she is explaining what love is,

"It's the Roman God, Janus. My mother gave it to me when I was little. She wanted to teach me that people have two sides. A good side, a bad side, a past, a future. And that we must embrace both in someone we love. And I tried..."

"What's he like?"

"He's... different, from anybody I know..."

People don't always love who they think they know or what they judge a person to be from their outward appearance or behavior. We have assumptions, preconceived notions, and we feel like from those things we know and understand someone when we really don't. The way we treat one another can be surprising at times. In fact, some people from my experience may treat friends or complete strangers better then their own family members or even themselves. Look at the media for example. The majority of entertainment involves or is centered about some sort of sarcasm, contention, conflict, fight, or other types of negativity or sinful activity. It is hard to find many shows that are uplifting in nature though there are still a few left. I guess what I am trying to get at, if I am going to make these spiritual is even if we all appear to be strangers in this thing called life, yet we walk the same road, feel the same pain, can't we at least share the same joy? Can't we say kind words to each other? There are more ways to be good than bad, so how about we just be good and love one another. I love Mormon Messages because here is a touching, true to life example.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Lazy Sunday Afternoon...

I realized that I had a pretty inspiring Sunday afternoon. I went to church down in Massachusetts today to go to the Young Single Adult's Ward which was a whole hour away (so I don't know how likely it is for me to go back again next week). The church is down in Cambridge and of course my directions in Mapquest had me off in Boston so I should have shown up 10 minutes early but of course I got lost in all the one way streets and detours. I feel a little bad about the experience because after taking a detour to a Burger King to get directions from a real person, I showed up 15 minutes late and had missed the sacrament. I don't know if that was karma for any sins I had down that week or just poor directions but either way I was thankful for people working on Sundays nice enough to give me directions to church... ironic maybe.

Either way, I sat down with this being my first real true experience in a single's ward. I say this because single's wards in Utah don't count. There are so many students and LDS members there that it is no big deal and everyone kinda fits the build that I expect. The members here on the East Coast however were slightly more surprising. Honestly, the talks during sacrament meeting were good but really didn't catch my interest. I was looking around more for people I knew. Nope... Nobody. Well, somebody I guess. I didn't spy my friend at first but we aren't actually that close anyways. She broke my heart once and things never really were the same. Anyways, I met a couple of new people. Let me rephrase that... I introduced myself to people being the new guy because it seemed like they had all been there a while. And man, did I ever feel young. It was like being a 10-year old invited to a high school party but worse because I should have been able to relate a bit better than that. I was soooo young! And one of the more interesting introductions was with a transplant from Las Vegas here in Boston going to school. I asked how he liked living here and what did he think of his roommates. He said he enjoyed it quite a bit, fun city, it was nice rooming with a couple of people from the ward. I said then he liked the guys from the ward, they are pretty cool? Well apparently that wasn't what he meant. He did have two guys as roommates but those weren't the members. The two members in the ward were two sisters! I don't think I am in Utah any more Toto. I was going to make a crack about how home teaching must be pretty easy then but I figured it was best not to go too far into it.

The last two meetings however were rather uplifting and inspiring and I really enjoyed them. We talked about miracles wrought through faith in Jesus Christ. And as I really started to think and listen to the examples that were being given in class. One of the first examples was with the woman with the issue of blood who touched Christ's robes to be healed. They talked about how after the virtue had gone out of him, she was healed. Not only a physical healing but a spiritual one as well. Then there was the parable of the unjust judge. He granted the request of the woman because he knew that she would continue to badger him until he did. God listens to our prayers and grants us the righteous desires of our hearts, but it is only if it is his will and if we work for it. Prayer is not a wish list but sincerely conversing with Our Father, sometimes pleading over and over again for his guidance and blessing on the choices we make in our lives. The last example that really hit me was the account of the raising of Lazarus. We know Christ waited until he was totally dead before he came and raised Lazarus from the grave. In trying to apply these to me, it became a real message of hope.

God can heal us no matter whether our infirmities and trials are physical, mental, or spiritual. And as long as we keep praying, it may not happen the first time, the second time, or even the third time, but in time God will answer our prayers and he will not ask us to do anything that we cannot handle. We can overcome it with His help. And even more than that, the Atonement is infinite. If someone can be brought back from physical death because of their faith in Christ, the same is true of someone consumed in sin who is spiritually dead. If they have the faith, they can always return. This is one of the reasons why when we share the gospel, any one and everyone can be someone who is unknowingly searching and is ready for the gospel. No one is too far gone. It gives me hope if nothing else. Sometimes I am really hard on myself and it was powerful to know and feel His love for me, almost a stranger in my own church. It has been an interesting summer so far to say the least. Meantime, I am home on our screened in back porch just listening to the rain as I lie here in my hammock. Life really isn't that bad. I'm not that bad. And apparently from my experience today at church, I still am pretty young. I am hopeful that everything will be better with time.

Catching Up

I haven't written in a while and I am sorry. I have been busy with school, work, and basically all around life. I have been thinking about things to say though so I will try and catch up today but I wanted to make up for it. So here is a new music video I saw and I immediately thought it was me.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Old Notebooks and Old Lists

I swear I was a romantic from birth. In any case, part of my new living arrangements in New Hampshire have moved me from my old bedroom which is mostly a bed and storage space for my parents while I was away to the basement. We are all trying to make it work but the move helped me find some old notebooks and in an effort to move them of course I read a couple of them too. I love finding old things and my previous post and this one are both products of those notebooks. I was and remain a sucker when it comes to romantic things and obviously I will probably continue to think about that kind of stuff way too much but here is my list about love:

  • not lustful, but still a need or yearning emotion, sought after
  • more than a feeling, it is a bond
  • a state of being or connection
  • being able to die for someone, longing, secure
  • sacrifice and selflessness
  • being able to be happy being with someone without saying anything at all
  • the ultimate friend
  • faith, holding hands, long walks
  • endless joy, exhilaration, passion, warm
  • comfort and healing of emotions, quiet
  • like a first kiss, it's a gift given purely and hopefully reciprocated
  • trust, patience, enduring, hopeful, ideal, honest, helpful
  • blind, humbling, beautiful, unexpected, sudden, equal, shared
  • special like the warmth in a blush
  • soft like a baby's laughter
  • unforgettable, strong, seen in one's eyes
  • taste in one's lips, found in an embrace
  • divine, natural, spiritual, powerful, peaceful
  • has no secrets, lies, or jealousy, pride, falsehoods
  • needs nurturing, practice, growth, earned, learned, taught
  • doesn't need to be physical or bought
  • influential, permanent, can be sad or sorrowful
  • more than just words, can be actions
  • the small and simple things
  • secure, safe, protection, decent, modest, private
  • heard in simple but sincere "thank you" or "I love you"
  • seen in common courtesies
  • seen in one's behavior, stance, gate, posture
  • seen in one's face, in one's smile
  • found in fireplaces, shown in prepared or thought-out actions
  • spontaneous, mutual, togetherness, reliable, meaningful
  • statement of one's affections
  • can be lost
  • built on experience and impressions
  • fits everyone, all shapes and sizes

The Painful Silence

When you see that special person, you don't know what to do,
or what to say or even just how to.
The world just stops spinning and all is left is me and her,
even for really just an instant, it's forever.
But her never knowing, makes me want to just cry out loud,
because to her I will always remain a face in the crowd.

You want to shout your feelings, but they'll never be said,
To tell her that you love her will remain in your head.
How you can just fall into her smile and deep beautiful eyes,
and how you'd be true and never tell her lies.
But her never knowing, makes me want to just cry out loud,
because to her I will always remain a face in the crowd.

You'd like to tell her that you'd be there when she's sad and all alone,
and to tell her you'd protect her, but you can't pick up the phone.
She's the angel of your affection, but why can't she see,
you are just dying to be her Darcy and make her your Eve.
But her never knowing, makes me want to just cry out loud,
because to her I will always remain a face in the crowd.

You'd like to sincerely take her in your arms, and all the while
She's making the world brighter as she's taking the time to smile.
She has that special way of saying nothing and everything at same time,
which can make the cloudiest and darkest day feel amazingly sublime.
But her never knowing, makes me want to just cry out loud,
because to her I will always remain a face in the crowd.

I will always wonder if it was ever meant to be,
Were her backward glances ever directed towards me.
I'll never know and it just eats me up inside,
all this pain I'm feeling, feeling like I've died.
Her never knowing, makes me want to just cry out loud,
because to her I will always be just the same face in the crowd.