Saturday, August 29, 2009

No Time To Talk

Communication is a subject of importance because without it we simply don’t understand each other. We communicate in so many ways, many of which are without words. When we communicate, what we say is important but it is the smallest percentage of what we truly “hear” when we take the time to listen. The tone in which we speak, the body language we portray, everything we do affects more than what we in all reality say. I find it fascinating because our society has changed so much from a personal face-to-face communication to an increasing electronic world. Are we really benefitting from it or are we killing our already incredibly “social” society.

I have come to the conclusion that we are losing the ability to communicate. The art of public speaking and writing are fading. In defense, we still have our actors and actresses, players and playwrights, politicians and political debaters, and we find our own way to communicate even to those who in the past were beyond our reach. We now can communicate all over the world! I, a poor college student, can literally see my parents every night if I so choose all the way across the country. Tell them how I feel, how I did that day, everything I so desire. We have modernized our way of speaking.

There is a lot of good with all of this. There is a lot of things that can be misinterpretted in nonverbal communication. With all of that out of the way, it is a lot easier to content communicate. Mean what you say, say what you mean. Simple. Easy. Blunt. For a fast pace world, it is efficient to not have to worry about all those mixed signals and get straight dry cut answers. Isn’t that the point of technology to make things efficient, fast, and simple? But what have we lost and at what cost? Personal communication is dying in the onslaught of technology.

How has this happened? It starts with being behind a computer, a phone, or a television screen. How truly “social” can we be? We talk about how we can communicate so quickly using these new tools. But is it really faster to have a conversation through text messaging when your fingers are typing everything on the keypad of a phone designed to hold that conversation verbally and can be said that much faster than many of us can type? It is the same with Instant Messaging. But you can have multiple conversations at the same time! Then are we really communicating with any of these people in the first place? Communication is two way. Not only the ability to deliver information but to accept it as well. I really don’t think someone is listening when they are listening to everyone at the same time. If we can do that then maybe we just don’t even care.

Still, I think we do care but a majority of us, as the oncoming generations, are losing this art of expressing ourselves fully. We get lost or miscommunicate because we lack the experience to understand the nonverbal communication, since it is no longer necessary. I think my youngest sister is noticing it the most since she is without a cell phone or a facebook and she is in middle school. She is so deprived because her modernized social network is dependant upon those things.

An example that strikes closer to home, I struggle at times to say the right thing at the right time. I think we all do, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. I am one of those that at times, may over analyze, second guess myself, clam up a little bit at first, because I get nervous around some girls. I am worried if they will find me interesting, attractive, or if I will say something stupid. But that is just because I am interested. The more I thought about this, the more I realized that is why a lot of the time I may attract girls that personally I’m not interested in. Because when I’m not worried or thinking so much, I can be more of myself. I’m comfortable. Again, this all only applies to when I am talking to them in person. Why? Because otherwise, it doesn’t seem as real. There is no person there. It is a phone. There is no one there to take your breath away or laugh at you or distract you. But it is also because like I said, many of us lack the experience or haven’t developed this art of nonverbal communication. We don’t understand and so we question ourselves.

I find it funny to watch a boy on his cell phone texting a girl. He takes all the time in the world to come up with the perfect line, revising it, asking for suggestions from his friends on what they would say, and it becomes a joint project of testing out what actually works. It all makes me laugh. If he was actually in the moment, talking to her, how would he really respond? Would he stutter, stumble a little bit, laugh it off, ignore the question, or a thousand of other scenarios? This is what I think about. Our lack of understanding or use of nonverbal communication obviously affects our one-on-one face-to-face personal relationships. It affects them directly.

How can you foster it? I dunno. Practice? It is still a mystery to me and I definitely can’t translate girl. But I do know that it remains interesting as long as it doesn’t become awkward. Both parties have to be equally invested in a conversation and be actively involved. But you also can’t force it. You can’t force someone to be interested in what you have to say. Trust me. I have tried on numerous occasions with girls I really liked. It doesn’t work. So never try to be something you are not. Be yourself because that is what people are looking for anyways. To sell yourself, be yourself. It is that simple. And I understand that saying it is one thing, doing it is another.

We all put walls up at times. Sometimes, it is just the wrong time. Sometimes, it is the wrong person. Sometimes, it is the wrong time with the right person, and vice versa. Who knows? Maybe patience is the key because we all have a bad day once and again. Other times, it is best to be hundred percent open with things. But it is all trial and error. When Edison was being asked about all the trial and error he had with inventing the light bulb he said, "I didn't fail, I found 2,000 ways how not to make a light bulb; I only need to find one way to make it work." It all works out in the end. It always does. We just need to be persistent in following our dreams and work step by step. Before I can understand women, I first need to be able to communicate with them. I know. A big dream, right? Understand women. But when it is right, it will be natural. It will be easy. We won't even have to try. So I guess the best way to find out, to do that myself and see if she will follow suit. And when it happens, I will be the happiest man alive. I might finally be understood.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Poem I Wrote One Sunday Afternoon (March 18, 2007)

I often find that as I reflect on my life, at times I see that I have done wrong.
I wonder if I can be saved and with a prayer in my heart and my voice in song,
I see in my mind my Savior with all the little children around him and on his knee.
He looks up and calls me by name because he knows me, individually.
He talks to me, my exemplar, my brother, my friend.
His words are simple and strong but I don’t know if I can endure to the end.

Then I see him smile with love in his eyes, bringing to me the most peaceful calm.
I reach for his outstretched hand, grasping it over the hole in his palm.
He takes away my sins and burdens, lifts me up so I can stand,
So I will try to do the same for you, if you will just take my hand.
He heals me, completes me, saves my soul as I am up against the wall.
I pray to him and I know him, trusting through his love, he'll answer my call.

I want to walk where he walked, talk how he talked.
He was the best He could be, and so He died to save you and me.
Love is not just a feeling, but a state, a state of being.
It is what people do, how you treat people and how they treat you.
Just your actions and what you say, affects someone somewhere some day.
So live your life right, that when you leave this earth where you roam,
Our Father will say, well done my good and faithful servant, welcome home.

It's All About Perspective (Novemeber 7, 2006)

I used to be fine when I thought I was doing everything right,
But now I feel weak and empty inside, knowing I did wrong.

My heart was no longer mine and blind was my sight,
Now I’m learning through the pain and it makes me strong.

All my grief had covered my day and turned it into night.
And I realized that I didn’t matter, I was just the pawn.

It still hurts when those thoughts come to mind that I fight,
Still I will get by because He is here and helps me along.

I see that Man is my enemy and He is my one true light,
So I will praise his works in action, word, and in song.

They only see me, but I see Him, His arms 'round me holding tight.
I hear Him, read of Him, love Him, from dusk ‘til dawn.

I can’t trust them anymore ‘cept Christ, He is my strength and my might.
And I will always love her, even though I’m here and she’s gone.

Funny how when things go wrong, you look again, and can make it alright.

To Girls... (December 4, 2006)

Dear Girl,

I just thought that you should know that I love you for the way you are. I don’t care that you think you have imperfections, because I can’t see them. I can only see you. I see you in the world around me. I see you in my dreams. I will think about you before I ever meet you. I will think about you when I am with you. But most of all, I will think about you when you are gone. I will comfort you when you are hurt or in pain. I will help you when you are confused or in need. I will hold you tight when you are afraid or cold. If I ever hurt you, than I am sorry for how that makes you feel. I am not sorry for the good times or even the bad times because that is how we grow. Don’t lie to make me feel better or not tell me what is wrong. But if you cry, know that I am crying with you even if it is only on the inside. Know that you are my reason for living and why I choose to wake up each day. If I don’t show you that you are special or treat you with respect, than please, please give me another chance. In this life, none of us were made to be perfect or complete and so God gave me you. So give me a moment and an opportunity to show my love for you. When I kiss you, kiss me back. When I embrace you, never let go. When our eyes meet, I hope you will smile too. When I hear your voice, I will always look for you. When I talk about you, I will never say an unkind word or allow others to either. When I laugh, it is because I love just being with you. I hope you will understand that I will never lie to you because I would do anything for you. And if you break my heart, I will never forget you and though, it may take time, I will always forgive you. You are stunning and you are beautiful, sometimes cute, but never hot. Because you are more than just a person and a body, but a spirit, a daughter of God. You are my strength and my purpose. You are my one and my only. I was privileged to know you and blessed to love you.

I will always be here,Your faithful boy

My Feelings on Physicality (February 3, 2007)

It has taken me some time to realize the innocence that I lost as I grew from a child, and it has taken even longer for me to see what that innocence was once again. I have to thank for that the simple opinion of a friend and my own testimony given to me by the Holy Spirit. As I grew up in my home, I had a sincere respect for my family and my parents, but most of all to my mother. I had seen how my words and my actions, no matter how simple, could both destroy her and lift her up; a simple act of rebellion or a simple act of love. I have always considered myself as some sort of romantic in this time, in our society of quick action and hasty relationships that often lead to bitter pain. I have believed that women even back to Eve were always more innocent, loving, forgiving, and fragile than man. That is why God created Eve from Adam, to support him and help him through the tough times, together as one.

It is through this sacred union, this oneness, that a true marriage and true love can be found. It is through self-sacrifice and giving all of yourself to another, even to protect them at all costs from sorrow and from pain. Yet, the Son of the Mourning has been able to manipulate this love to make it an easy thing. Something unimportant that can be given away at will. This is not true. Every act of love, every emotion, feeling, sensation, every impulse is sacred. These are special to ourselves and to those we chose to impart them to. Every action, from an embrace to a kiss, has a sacred and special meaning. It is an act of trust, compassion, and of tenderness.

Since I was a child, I had always thought that the kiss and the love that was shown to me between my parents was something sacred. The way that my father would always try to protect and love my mother, even when it seemed to me that she was weeping over the petty things in life. The way she would always have us respect and honor him. This is what our Heavenly parents are like, I believe. No, I know this to be true. So, now I know and I want to share with you, whom ever you may be reading this, that I believe even the smallest acts of love and service, whether a kiss or a courtesy that shows to men that chivalry is not dead, can be seen as an act of God. God gave us bodies. We are supposed to control and redeem them as the holy temples which they are.

I used to not support my own claims and had problems controlling my own body and especially my own thoughts, for every action that we take is not on impulse but on premeditated practiced forethought. I have seen and done things that I sincerely regret, and now I wish to return to my innocence, that I will once again not believe that our every actions are insignificant and go unnoticed. There are eternal consequences for our every action and God is watching.

I had been offered to give part of my love away without any strings attached and I hesitated. Why would I hesitate? I hesitate because I am afraid to love them and that I will not be loved in return. I am a afraid that after I give away even my first kiss that if not given in the right moment to the right person, like some of my friends back home, I won’t be able to get it back. I have seen virgins, in the literal sense, fall into tears and retreat behind their strong facades, after loosely letting go of what is most dear to them. I will not put my love like a testimony before the swine. I will only share it with those that are willingly to love me back. I am proud to have never kissed anyone and I no longer care if that fact doesn’t change for years to come. If I am to share my life with someone, I want that eternal relationship to be as special and sacred to me, and to her, as it can be. I have taken advantage of the gifts that I have been given and I have felt godly sorrow for the sins that I have done. So it is my prayer for us all, for me and for you, that we can be strong enough to do what we know is right and face our temptations and see them as what they really are. They are just temporary, empty pleasures of the body, which can not bring the eternal happiness and joy that lifts the soul.

You may think I really overdid this but I have had personal problems that I had not yet forgiven myself for and because of that was unwillingly to share myself with anyone. Now that I have fully repented of those sins and thought deeply about what is in my future and what choices I have to make here, I know that this is how I truly feel. In my typical language, this is what I believe, take it or leave it.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Silence Isn't Really So Silent

One thing I never can quite figure out is the idea of silence. Don't get me wrong, I am a good listener and when it is my turn to do so, that person has my undivided attention. But when no one is talking, something always is. There are so many sounds, thoughts, feelings that we consistently listen to all the time. We are always communicating in some way or fashion and I find it a interesting subject. Most of our communication, as a society, isn't so much what we say, but how we say it. Our tone, body language, as a visual society these things typically say much more than our own words do. So I find it interesting that most times our voice is heard not heard so much by someone's ears as much as it is felt in their hearts.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Takes a Little Faith

One of the things I love doing is sorting through old things and finding stuff. You never know what kind of treasures live in the dusty notebooks, sketchbooks, journals, or boxes that can fill one's life. So many memories are captured both by the mighty pen and by a single picture. This is one of those such treasures that I love...

"Takes a Little Faith"
You confuse me, abuse me.
Your eyes betray your word
because your emotions are clearly blurred
I lied and said that I see

You smiled and laughed as you took
the kiss that shouldn't be given,
My angel from hell and heaven
and I smiled back with 'that look'

You don't make sense contradicting.
You kiss me with passionate force
telling me now, of course
Never again, which is so afflicting.

Why lie and hurt me so
when I can see what tomorrow brings.
Another day starting with singing
songs that bring me high so I can fall low.

Even though these feelings you fear,
waiting for what is meant to be
because I hope that you look for me.
And I will always be here.

We can fall asleep together
In each others' arms below the setting sun.
You and I, our souls are one
because what this is can be forever.

We just need to avoid speaking our minds
when we should speak from our hearts.
Words filled with enough secenes and parts
to drop your mask so be with me, be the loving kind.

I thought you'd know, be the one to understand.
I thought after all this time you'd begin to see,
how I care and gave you the secret parts of me.
Why can't you accept the kind of guy that I am?

I thought that what we had could last,
I thought that we recognized what we feel,
so all I could do was share what was real,
but you just moved on while I fall on past.

I thought that you wouldn't just use me.
I believed in people and the good of mankind
that's why this is such a confusing state of mind.
But I won't fall to the fear of what could be.

I believe in miracles, the possibilities, you and me.
Why couldn't you just have stopped to believe?

It is a rough peice of work... obviously. I put it aside and I will probably do some revisions and things so if you have any suggestions, critiques, etc. Let me know! It is interesting. I could have been hurt so many times in my life but I choose to just give away my heart instead of asking for it back. Love and lose, because I never had it anyways. I give without price. What a foreign concept to so many people? Freely giving, even with love. Anyways, good times and good people. But ya, I need suggestions, feedback... I NEED HELP! =) I need someone to love.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Oh What A Wonderful World

I think it is utterly amazing how the world just seems to keep on spinning. We hold on without really knowing because if we didn't we would be flung out into the utter oblivion, but it is not without reason. We hold on because as the world spins, in one second life may have turned into the bottom of the barrel with nothing to look forward and no light to guide you, but then it turns once more. You find yourself in a place where you just don't even begin to care. You are so happy and excited to just be alive that you have completely forgotten all your worries. What seemed like it could have totally overcame you, in one second has become just that, but a second away. It is gone. It is gone. No longer and you can be whatever you want to be. You can choose. You can always choose. But it is up to you whether or not you will hold on and wait. Wait for the turn, for the world to keep changing, because you know from experience that it always does and that is what you hope for. For a better world and a brighter future. So all of you that feel like you have to let go... do it. Lose all control because in all reality you never had any to begin with. Trust in what is happening and look forward and hope, because a brighter day always follows the most lonesome and darkest nights. It will come so hold on. Oh! What a wonderful world we live in...

Friday, August 21, 2009

Running Away

I have to get going so this will be the last one for today, but while I was serving this mission thing, I need to learn a little acronym called O.W.L. To be effective at anything in life, you need to Obedient, Work, and Love. This was something that I took to heart but the hardest thing was just that, my heart. I had to learn to love selflessly and to love everyone. We are all in this together. We are all family if you trace it back far enough. But what I didn't expect was sometimes you can care too much. Hopefully, this will all make sense someday because I still struggle to understand how it happened in the first place...

"It Doesn't End Here"
Losing myself while losing the time
Lost my heart and now my mind
All the thoughts and words unsaid
Will be left inside my head

It felt slow but it goes by fast
All too soon I'll be part of the past
Why am I broken, unable to rest?
How do I kill that thing in my chest?

Do I have to leave or must I die?
All I seem to do to myself is lie
As fears overrun and doubts may come
When you know you have lost someone

That never will even know how you cared
Because you shouldn't have but you still dared
To look back into the Angel's eyes
Hold yourself back as alone she cries

This is how it feels to die every day
Waking up to not being able to say
Not that I can't but that I won't
Ever admit to myself that really I don't

Always and forever love you

World Is Blind

I was so suprised how much doubt there was in the world too. They asked for answers and proof and to see miracles when all those things happened all around them but they were too blind to see and too preoccupied to notice. The country we live in was founded on principles of faith, our government, our economy, our law, tons of things. Freedom of religion brought us here, fiat, rules and laws and morals are all a form of standards that create and help people form character that promotes freedom, understanding, and love. It is all over the place and yet we so easily forget it all the time. This was for people who still can see...

"Reasoning Away"
A man once wrote, "To be or not to be,"
But if I could have you be with me
To let you see all what I see:
The miracles, the world, the light
The difference between wrong and right
Is like the day to the night
I don't know what else to say
Because in all honesty, no such thing as grey
So let us choose together this day
Choose the right, Savior, Truth and Light
Who's on the Lord's side?

"His Work and His Glory"

We're taught 'bout the Lord's sacrifice
His love and all things He did do
A man born of God, to save all from sin
He would die for me and for you

He hung on a cross and bled in a garden
perfection of all charity
Sometimes I wonder, how much pain did He suffer
drops of blood given for me

What a gift? What a price, did our Father have
His Only Begotten to pay?
So that all mankind may live in heaven
with Him and His Son someday

But for us, remember, Heav's gates are closed
to all that come alone
So go out this day and save a soul
for by so doing, ye have saved thine own

"Just a Boy"

One day there was a boy out in darkness
searching for light and truth
He asked the teachers and preachers
but heard nothing of faith, only proof
How do we truly know our elder Brother
and feel His redeeming love?
Where is the faith to ask the question
and receive answers from Heav' above?
So this boy through long hard study
went to ask His Father in prayer
And he was answered in a glorious vision
and to us this day he has shared
I opened my heart aloud in a grove
and my God and His Son I met
They told many things-- where to find the truth
and called me as a prophet
They said that an angel would come
to tell me of a record of gold
And that it would be scripture from the people
who lived here in times of old
They too had the Word and had seen the Savior
who came to teach them truth
And the Spirit does witness to me and to you
and this, that Book, is my proof
If this wasn't enough for the world
the boy would later give his life
And so must we-- lose ours to find them
in this world of evil and strife

Giving Gratitude

This next post has something I am eternally grateful for which is my faith. My faith is different from many in the fact that I believe in all time. I know that God works the same yesterday, today, and forever. He had, has, and will have miracles occurring on the earth, prophets that speak with the power of heaven, and His word continuing to flow forth as Living Waters. I believe in the Spirit, in my Savior, Brother, and Friend, the Holy Messiah, Jesus Christ. I believe in a Holy Father who lives in Heaven. I believe in Christ, God, the Spirit, in living prophets and apostles such as Joseph Smith, in continued revelation, like the Book of Mormon. That's right , I am a Mormon. Actually, LDS or Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

But the reason I'm getting into all of this is because one day I was asked to speak in church and I was thinking about it for a while and I decided that I would write down my testimony. As I did it began to evolve into what became "Just a Boy" and "His Work and His Glory." I hope you enjoy them both...

Praying Upon Our Memories

One of the things I felt on my mission was a sense of love I hadn't had to deal with before. I had always heard that absence makes the hearts grow fonder but I didn't believe it. Now I knew there was something to it. It is definitely an interesting feeling that I can't really describe but I can illustrate in some way through this...

"The Rise and Fall"
As the days of summer come and go
The people will live as life is gone
Going gone into obscurity, until
They are able to move along

Move on past the days that turn
And fall away the memories by
By the wayside, the sun droops down
Painting the dusk in the azure sky

The lessons learned and loves of youth
Stay in the focus of our mind
But moving still forward, to the purpose
Of everything that can be called divine

The Sun has set but will come again
To fill our lives with light anew
Breaking through the dark and clouds
Bringing back all things good and true

Good friends and good times that last
In all the seasons of our lives through
True love, just wait, hold on still
The summer will bring me back to you

He has called and I have answered
To learn to save a soul or two
But True Love, just wait, it it worth it
For the Sun will bring me back to you

Changes Are Always Hard

So most of these first few posts will be related because our missions are for two years. It is a long time. And it was an interesting experience to say the least. I will probably refer to it from time to time but while I was there, I had a lot of changes that happened around me, within me, through me. Change is the only thing constant in life and I had to just had to let it go and work with it. But it is often not very easy. This was something I wrote when I was learning to let go...

"The Weak Things of the Earth"

No more sight, no more sense

no more strength, no self-control

Without power, without hope

without faith, without soul

Can you see life without purpose?

Can you imagine suffering without end?

Would you make the painful struggle

without a family? Without a friend?

Lost, confused, torn, forgotten

beaten, hated, spit upon

The same day in, day out, and always--

helpless, hopeless, but life goes on

Goes on past the day of tomorrow

past the life that withers gone

But in that day, full of sorrow

He tells the Weak, become the Strong

Become what you once were today--

not the night, but the dawn

Nothing can, nor will, overcome you

for I Am with you all along

Faithfully endure until the promise

obedience to the mark you must do

And if you will but humbly do this--

I will give you all that I am and more to you

Not a Believer in Fate

One of the things that I do like I said is write poetry. I have recently returned from a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the wonderful state of Oregon. I saw a lot of miracles while doing it from people overcoming obstacles, rebuilding their lives, and finding a faith in God. But I realized that my part in all of it was to just be there. I did nothing but act as a friend and a gateway for His love to change people if they would accept His message and His Spirit. It was an amazing part of my life...

"You Are Not Your Own"
My feet take His word to His elect
My hands are to lift them to their God above
My knees are to kneel in holy prayer
My eyes are windows to His love

My heart is for understanding His voice
My mouth is to testify to His plan
My love is His to overcome the hardened heart
My life is an instrument in His hands

The time for planting seeds is over
The time for the harvest has begun
Men will continue to search for their God
And they'll find Him before the work is done

Thank God for all His tender mercies
Because without them there would be none
Who could return to live with the Father
If it had not been for the life of the Son


Well, I had a respected friend introduce me to this whole idea and I am willing to give it all a go. So when it comes to this whole thing, bear with me as I get a hang of it and adjust. I don't know whether this will turn into more of a journal or place where I can put my work. What I mean by that is I have had friends tell me I am a complex person. English is a complex language and there is so many ways to express ones self and your feelings that at times, the way I explain myself isn't fully understood. The best way to sum that up is that I am a poet and a romantic. I have a summer home at 1 Cloud Nine Ln. I am super positive and I look for the best in people and at times my heart falls before my head can make any decisions and I end up getting hurt, but I am okay with that. Why not love everyone? This whole thing will be a way that I can get out those things that I think and feel without having to say it. To be able to not keep things bottled up inside and let it out every once in a while. Because its funny, people can't handle every little thing someone would like to say. Heck, we have enough problems with what they say and don't say already... Life is crazy. I guess that's why I fit in so well. So let's get started...