It has taken me some time to realize the innocence that I lost as I grew from a child, and it has taken even longer for me to see what that innocence was once again. I have to thank for that the simple opinion of a friend and my own testimony given to me by the Holy Spirit. As I grew up in my home, I had a sincere respect for my family and my parents, but most of all to my mother. I had seen how my words and my actions, no matter how simple, could both destroy her and lift her up; a simple act of rebellion or a simple act of love. I have always considered myself as some sort of romantic in this time, in our society of quick action and hasty relationships that often lead to bitter pain. I have believed that women even back to Eve were always more innocent, loving, forgiving, and fragile than man. That is why God created Eve from Adam, to support him and help him through the tough times, together as one.
It is through this sacred union, this oneness, that a true marriage and true love can be found. It is through self-sacrifice and giving all of yourself to another, even to protect them at all costs from sorrow and from pain. Yet, the Son of the Mourning has been able to manipulate this love to make it an easy thing. Something unimportant that can be given away at will. This is not true. Every act of love, every emotion, feeling, sensation, every impulse is sacred. These are special to ourselves and to those we chose to impart them to. Every action, from an embrace to a kiss, has a sacred and special meaning. It is an act of trust, compassion, and of tenderness.
Since I was a child, I had always thought that the kiss and the love that was shown to me between my parents was something sacred. The way that my father would always try to protect and love my mother, even when it seemed to me that she was weeping over the petty things in life. The way she would always have us respect and honor him. This is what our Heavenly parents are like, I believe. No, I know this to be true. So, now I know and I want to share with you, whom ever you may be reading this, that I believe even the smallest acts of love and service, whether a kiss or a courtesy that shows to men that chivalry is not dead, can be seen as an act of God. God gave us bodies. We are supposed to control and redeem them as the holy temples which they are.
I used to not support my own claims and had problems controlling my own body and especially my own thoughts, for every action that we take is not on impulse but on premeditated practiced forethought. I have seen and done things that I sincerely regret, and now I wish to return to my innocence, that I will once again not believe that our every actions are insignificant and go unnoticed. There are eternal consequences for our every action and God is watching.
I had been offered to give part of my love away without any strings attached and I hesitated. Why would I hesitate? I hesitate because I am afraid to love them and that I will not be loved in return. I am a afraid that after I give away even my first kiss that if not given in the right moment to the right person, like some of my friends back home, I won’t be able to get it back. I have seen virgins, in the literal sense, fall into tears and retreat behind their strong facades, after loosely letting go of what is most dear to them. I will not put my love like a testimony before the swine. I will only share it with those that are willingly to love me back. I am proud to have never kissed anyone and I no longer care if that fact doesn’t change for years to come. If I am to share my life with someone, I want that eternal relationship to be as special and sacred to me, and to her, as it can be. I have taken advantage of the gifts that I have been given and I have felt godly sorrow for the sins that I have done. So it is my prayer for us all, for me and for you, that we can be strong enough to do what we know is right and face our temptations and see them as what they really are. They are just temporary, empty pleasures of the body, which can not bring the eternal happiness and joy that lifts the soul.
You may think I really overdid this but I have had personal problems that I had not yet forgiven myself for and because of that was unwillingly to share myself with anyone. Now that I have fully repented of those sins and thought deeply about what is in my future and what choices I have to make here, I know that this is how I truly feel. In my typical language, this is what I believe, take it or leave it.
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