Saturday, June 23, 2012

Down to the Wire

Honestly I can say that the last couple of months have been interesting ones as Tatiana and I continue to work towards a life together and it hasn't been a complete surprise to have opposition arrive in all its different forms.  And this isn't something unique to Tati and I because I have had a few friends who are going through the same thing in similar ways and they begin to wonder why is there drama and where is their support and isn't it supposed to be a happy thing and so much more.  My suggestion to them is the same advice that I give to myself: Put the blinders on and focus on what needs to be done to get to where you want to go and be happy no matter the result.

Tatiana and I have many plans.  We are so happy and grateful that we were led to each other and that we were able to so quickly recognize and appreciate the love and romance that blossomed almost overnight between the two of us.  Still, it is amazing to see her work hard to pursue her dreams.  She has wanted to become an animator and to work in the top of field and to do that she has always wanted to go to BYU and be a part of their program there as it is highly recruited and one of the top three programs in the world.  She also wanted to get married in the temple and have a family at some point.  I too wanted those things for us and I also want to be there working and studying in my degree together.  So for her she had a few obvious obstacles between visas, admissions, applications, and me with graduate school exams and sorting through paperwork, and on top of all that continuing to build and foster a wonderful relationship from across the globe.

Well, I am not posting to say that life is a bed of flowers and that everything has fallen into place.  It hasn't, but it will.  We are working at it and I am so proud of her and everything that she has done.  We found out yesterday that she has finally had her portfolio reviewed and that she has been accepted into the BYU Animation Program!!!  Honestly, I can't even begin to say how I feel and I am sure the same thing goes for her.  When we read the email, she just smiled from chin to chin and fell back onto her bed in pure bliss and ecstasy.  She definitely has some more hurdles to conquer when it comes to admission to BYU and when she can be accepted but if the right strings are pulled hopefully a few more miracles will happen.  I too have my first of two major exams I am taking this summer scheduled for this afternoon.  I am feeling a bit nervous about it but I feel like I really prepared myself and between that and the prayers and the blessing that I got, I think I will do well.  Really, I have a lot to be grateful for and a lot to be happy about.

But really, I feel like I will be able to celebrate our success to this point once I see her again in two weeks.  Two weeks... It still feels so far away but when I say it brings a grin to my face that I can't conceal.  I can hardly wait to be with her again and I really am so proud of how well she and I have done.  I know we have received so much help and so many miracles in our behalf and I really am incredibly grateful.  But two weeks... I have been waiting for 4.5 to 5 months and now I only have two weeks.  Sometimes I think it has felt like a marathon but the more I realize the team that surrounds us the more I can see that it is a relay and we are down to wire... I am almost there and it seeing the finish line is an indescribable feeling.


One of the things I have realized these last couples of months is that everyone is watching.  It doesn't matter whether they are supportive or want you to fail but people are watching.  I have always tried to live my life in such a way that I make my own decisions and live the way that I want to.  I would listen to the advice and opinions of others but in the end, what I did was my choice.  Well to all the doubters out there who think we aren't ready or we are too young, who think she won't be able to get in, who think it will be too hard, question our sincerity or how this separation has affected us... Well while you can think those things or even say those things, feel free to watch.  Because anything you say in private always has a way of coming back to the person you never wanted to hear it in the first place.  You should have learned from when you were younger that if you had nothing nice to say then you don't say anything at all.  We are going to do it and we will succeed.  "Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving.  They make mistakes, but they don't quit."  So whether you support us or even if you don't, I don't have enough time in my day to even consider the CAN'Ts because we are too busy focusing on doing at least one or two impossibilities at a time.  Feel free to watch because together... We are going to be amazing.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

It's A Wonderful Life

Sometimes people ask, "What's new?" or "How's it going?" or even "What's changed?"  For me, right around six months ago everything changed.  I fell in love and the crazy thing is that she also fell in love with me... The real me.  And that one thing has made all the difference in the world.  Happy 6-Month Anniversary Tatiana!  I love you so much. xoxo

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

How Will We Be

I have always felt that the easiest decisions you make are the ones that you make in advance.  I think that is why I am... different.  I am a planner and I love to be able to visualize how things could go that way I know what to expect and I will be ready to respond even if things change.  Today I was thinking about my future now that a lot of things are due to change rather quickly.  I was thinking about how life will be in three years, five years, ten years... What will my future family be like?

When I think back to my upbringing, I feel like it really helped to define the kind of person I became.  I never really ever worried about what kind of a father or a husband I would be until today.  I always figured that I would just be myself and then I would love my wife and put her before myself and then lastly I would try to be both a good role model for my children but I would also be a good friend and a good listener.  I would try to provide, love, and support them but also try to share quality time with them.  But then as I tried to think back to  my childhood to what my parents did.

Would my kids remember the times that I would work alongside them?  Would they remember how I loved and treated their mother?  Would I be able to always keep their trust so that they might feel like they could tell me anything when something was wrong?  Would I be able to discipline them in love and in such a way that they could understand the purpose of my actions and the rules our family would have?  What kinds of rules would we have?  Would we be able to travel like my family did?  Would they hear our voices as their mother and I cheer them on from the sidelines?  Did I find success because I worked hard or because I was naturally gifted?  I never felt like I was any more gifted or special than anyone else but is that a bad thing?  Was that what drove me to work so hard and to study for so long?

 Each child is there own little person.  It is amazing to think that our spirits look like us and yet our physical characteristics and traits come from the a combination of the genetics of our parents.  Then look at how siblings in a family can look so very different than one another and behave differently than one another.  The life into which we were born is not by chance but by design.  And each child in a family are their own person and they can't be raised, treated, disciplined, or even rewarded the same.  I think just as much as I wonder if I will be a good husband or father, I have this feeling that most of what I will need to know I will learn from those whom I will love and serve.  I know that my children are going to teach me so much and I can admit that the same is true for my beautiful Tatiana.  She has taught me so much already. Still... knowing all of this doesn't stop me from wondering how we will be like.  Either way, I am looking forward to it.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

The March of Time

I have thought this particular thought before but I never had a real reason to put it into context so let me spell it out for you.  When we think of time sometimes we think of the never ending race, the movement through space that never stops and never slows, the one thing that is never in our control because every second we live is a second gone.  We hear that time is precious so here is a question for us to think about.  How do we measure time?  Where does this idea of time come from?

Time is not really seconds or minutes or even days or years.  It is the space between moments.  It is the space between one sunrise to the next.  It is the changing of the seasons.  We measure time by events that occur both day to day and in history.  We measure time from a pivotal point in history, when the Savior of the World, our world, was born.  Time is a way that we as mortals measure our own significance, birth to death.  But in all reality, these moments that we will live or in another perspective, endure, are in all reality very brief.  So if we are to make the most of our mortality, if we are to live life to the fullest, live so you can be remembered.  We need to live through love.

So if I was to count the days of my existence, it would have started 5 months 2 weeks 6 days and 12 hours ago when I met the love of my life for the first time.  And next Fast Sunday, the first Sunday of each month, on July 7th, I will be sitting in a pew at a meetinghouse in Queensland, Australia in the small town of Maroochydore just north of Brisbane with my arm around her once again.  And the week that I will be there will feel like a lifetime because every moment will be new, each emotion making me feel alive once again, and I will be happy.  I will be home because home is where the heart is and she has been keeping my safe all this time since the day that she left on that plane February 16th.  Time waits for no one so cherish the life you live, love the people that make up your world, and follow your dreams because nothing is truly impossible.