How Will We Be

I have always felt that the easiest decisions you make are the ones that you make in advance.  I think that is why I am... different.  I am a planner and I love to be able to visualize how things could go that way I know what to expect and I will be ready to respond even if things change.  Today I was thinking about my future now that a lot of things are due to change rather quickly.  I was thinking about how life will be in three years, five years, ten years... What will my future family be like?

When I think back to my upbringing, I feel like it really helped to define the kind of person I became.  I never really ever worried about what kind of a father or a husband I would be until today.  I always figured that I would just be myself and then I would love my wife and put her before myself and then lastly I would try to be both a good role model for my children but I would also be a good friend and a good listener.  I would try to provide, love, and support them but also try to share quality time with them.  But then as I tried to think back to  my childhood to what my parents did.

Would my kids remember the times that I would work alongside them?  Would they remember how I loved and treated their mother?  Would I be able to always keep their trust so that they might feel like they could tell me anything when something was wrong?  Would I be able to discipline them in love and in such a way that they could understand the purpose of my actions and the rules our family would have?  What kinds of rules would we have?  Would we be able to travel like my family did?  Would they hear our voices as their mother and I cheer them on from the sidelines?  Did I find success because I worked hard or because I was naturally gifted?  I never felt like I was any more gifted or special than anyone else but is that a bad thing?  Was that what drove me to work so hard and to study for so long?

 Each child is there own little person.  It is amazing to think that our spirits look like us and yet our physical characteristics and traits come from the a combination of the genetics of our parents.  Then look at how siblings in a family can look so very different than one another and behave differently than one another.  The life into which we were born is not by chance but by design.  And each child in a family are their own person and they can't be raised, treated, disciplined, or even rewarded the same.  I think just as much as I wonder if I will be a good husband or father, I have this feeling that most of what I will need to know I will learn from those whom I will love and serve.  I know that my children are going to teach me so much and I can admit that the same is true for my beautiful Tatiana.  She has taught me so much already. Still... knowing all of this doesn't stop me from wondering how we will be like.  Either way, I am looking forward to it.