Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Soulmates

I was looking online at reviews for a book that I am planning on purchasing for Tatiana and I to read.  It was actually recommended to us from one of her family members.  It is called "300 Questions LDS Couples Should Ask Before Marriage."  Seems like it is both appropriate and probably useful or insightful.  We will see once it finally arrives!  Anyways, this was one of the quotes I found from it online:

“It amazes me that people think their soul mate is going to show up in their life at this predestined time and be this flawless person. A true soul mate is a mirror of yourself, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. Sure, they have a common upbringing, similar interests but they have the one thing you don’t have which is the introspection to help you become great. What use is a soul mate if they can’t help free you from yourself so you can live your life mission?” Shannon L. Alder, 300 Questions Lds Couples Should Ask Before Marriage

Sounds pretty familiar to me... I think I will enjoy going through this book and when I finally do finish it I am sure that I will write something about it (review, opinion, etc.).

Monday, July 30, 2012

You're The One

I love Tyrone Wells... His music is just honest, sincere, and many times uplifting.


"You're The One"
by Tyrone Wells

I wanna be what you're thinking
Head on the pillow in the night
When the sun comes in
You get up and begin again
I wanna be the first thing on your mind

You're the dream I wanna wake to
You're the field I wanna run through
You're the one
You're the song I'm always singing
You're the where, the why and the reason
You're the one

I wanna be what your dreaming
All those secrets no one knows (no one knows)
Those prayers you've written down
Much too scared to say aloud
Take me to your shadows I wanna go

You're the dream I wanna wake to
You're the field I wanna run through
You're the one
You're the song I'm always singing
You're the where, the why and the reason
You're the one

You are the first one
And the last one
You're the only one that I'll ever need
If you give me a moment, a breath, I'll give all I've got left
That's a promise that I promise to keep

I wanna be the one you're choosing
I want you to want me there
And if it helps to hear mine forever's yours my dear
Won't you take my hand if you dare
Won't you take my hand if you dare

You're the dream I wanna wake to
You're the field I wanna run through
You're the one
You're the song I'm always singing
You're the where, the why and the reason
You're the one (the one, the one)

You're the dream I wanna wake to
You're the field I wanna run through
You're the one (you're the one)
You're the song I'm always singing
You're the where, the why and the reason
You're the one (one)

Patience and Love

I have had a few hiccups along my way since I have been back from Australia and overall, I think I have handled them as well as I can. I have to wait and see how everything that is out of my control begins to settle but in the meantime, I will focus on what I can do and with a little faith, patience, and trust I think everything will be able to work itself out.  So the plan for now is to do what I can here... which at the moment is a lot of studying... and then pray and hope that everything will work itself out over there and just be ready to adapt and change to whatever the outcome may be.  And I don't think I am changing myself to be someone who I'm not... That's not what I am saying.

Patience is something that is tightly interwoven with receiving answers to prayer and so I feel if we understand how prayer works then we can understood more about how patience works.  Prayer is in a way humble because it is a chance for us to not only acknowledge someone's hand in our lives that is greater than we are (basically God) but it also gives us a chance to continue to ask for his guidance and help because we are admitting to ourselves and to Him that we need it.  And when we understand our relationship that He is Our Father and we are His children then that helps to make it more natural and instinctive.  The object of prayer isn't to change His will but to understand His will for us and to ask for blessings that are conditional upon our request.  Blessings such patience for instance.

The lessons I learn from all that is that we aren't trying to change someone else or force them to do something just because we ask them.  Patience is more having a desire or a goal which typically won't be anything more than that until we act on it.  And if we feel like it is a good thing and then we have to have faith and continue to pursue it and pursue it.  Patience is understanding that sometimes the way that we move forward is actually by doing good things as we wait for others to make the choices necessary for us to also progress.  If we have gone too far or are moving faster than what is necessary  we may just need to slow down for a while and let everything settle and everyone figure out what they really want.  We can't change the will of others just like we can't change the will of God.  But we are working together, we can accept what their choices are and determine a way to come together so we are moving forward as one.

This may seem obvious to those who have already achieved this virtue and it even sounds obvious... You can't force patience.  And in all honesty, I don't know anyone who would really want to.  All we can do is do our part and continue to love the people around us and continue to appreciate them and the many other blessings that we have been given.  And I know that right now, I have a lot to be grateful for.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Nothing We Can't Do

Times can get tough, obstacles can rise, but as long as face the storm together, there is nothing we can't do.


"A Way Out"
by Tyrone Wells

I know that look upon your face
When you're a thousand miles away
You turn in to the ghost of someone that I know
It hurts to see you so low

If you can't find a way out this time
And you can't find the way to calm the storm that's in your mind
Step back from the edge, get out of your head
It's all gonna be all right
We can find a way out, a way out
We can find a way out, a way out this time

You're out there fighting your own war
I see you drowning but I'm stuck here on the shore
You gotta know I'm on your side
My arms are open wide here to catch you every time

If you can't find a way out this time
And you can't find the way to calm the storm that's in your mind
Step back from the edge, get out of your head
It's all gonna be all right
We can find a way out, a way out
We can find a way out, a way out this time

When you're cold, when you're weak, when you're down on your knees 
We can find a way out, a way out
We can find a way out

Made For Each Other

"I know that the church technically doesn't believe in soul mates but I think we might be the exception... I love you Tatiana! I hope you have an awesome time with your friends tonight! xoxo"

 

When I was younger I learned that there was a certain order to things.  A person has two hands each with five fingers, two legs that end in ten toes, two arms and two eyes, two ears, one mouth... But even a mouth comes with a pair of lips!  There are even people who claim to have children that have two stomachs!  But even as a kid I was good with numbers and certain things just made sense to me and for me I understood that every family starts with one man and one woman.  Still, if no two people are the same and we are all so different than how can any two people make it together?

The truth is not every couple can but I was taught that any two people, as long as they had the same goals and kept the promises that they made to each other and to God when they got married, could be able to make it work.  So the idea was that as long as they were committed to each other and to something that is greater than themselves, that this commitment would help them overcome the obstacles that come with marriage.  It was a great thought and everything, but I wanted something more than settling for something that "could make it."  As sappy as it sounds, I was bred on believing in Disney's happily ever after!  Why couldn't I have something like that?  Where was my Princess Bride?  So I went on believing that in the end, I may have to settle for something less than perfection but I would still keep my eyes open just in case.

 I never truly realized what a blessing that was... The more I experienced romance and the more I learned about love and all its parts and its moments, I saw that it was in accepting people for who they are and treating them for who they are supposed to be that gives us each the courage we need to move forward.  I learned that imperfection is really what perfection is.  "I screwed it up, chasing after perfection, chasing after what was right in front of me."  So once I decided that an individual didn't need to have all the qualities that I was looking for and they certainly didn't need to have a perfectly clean past, I was able to open my heart up to so many more people.  Again, I had a lot to learn... I still didn't understand.

I did WANT someone with a perfectly clean past.  I couldn't progress if they didn't!  I needed someone that understood that all we had to do to be perfectly clean was use to be actively using the Atonement.of Christ.  They didn't have to do everything right the first time around, the second time, or even the third.  They just had to not give up and give into the temptation of believing that they are beyond saving.  All we have to do is acknowledge that we have a problem, be willing to feel godly sorrow for our mistakes and be willing to forgive others who may have wronged us, change our behavior, do our best to fix what was wrong, and then endure well the same lesson as it is taught to us over and over again.  All I needed was someone who was teachable and constantly seeking to improve and not only do better but be better.  Unless we are able to internalize the lesson and have it become a part of our very nature, a part of our character and what defines us, then I feel like that lesson was lost on us.  So I guess what I am trying to say is that I didn't really need someone that was perfect... I just needed someone who was willing and wanted to become someone better.  I needed someone who would accept me with all my weaknesses, inadequacies, and mistakes, and I would need to be able to do the same for her.  And then a miracle happened and I actually found her...


The long list of miracles that actually had to happen in order for us to find each other is too long to describe here but long story short, I fell madly, hopelessly, and emphatically in love with a girl I met from literally the other side of the world!  And it was so easy... It felt natural, simple, and all we had to do was be ourselves.  She loved me for me.  She loved the goofy, corny, ridiculously romantic, chick flicks and musicals and sci-fi, creative, nerdy, weepy, sarcastic, competitive, athletic, diabetic, totally honest, protective, passionate, somewhat indecisive, and occasionally stubborn me!  And the thing was... we match.  She is quite literally my best friend and my better half.  I have never been happier and though it defies all reason, I found what I believe to be is my very soul mate.  And I will do everything within my power to love her every second of every day for the rest of eternity.  I have been waiting for her for far too long but now... There are two people, two hearts, two worlds that somehow are able with one ring, one love, and one lifetime to become something that only dreamers can wish for.  The road has been far from easy.  Still, I know that the easiest decision I ever made was after realizing that Tatiana and I were made for each other, was to ask her to marry me.  She might not be perfect as the world goes but she is perfect for me and I love her.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

A New Beginning

I have had a lot of firsts recently and a lot of emotions running through my head.  It was my first time ever travelling abroad by myself and with that it also happened to be my first time ever going to Australia.  It was the first time I have ever so fully followed my heart, finding true love in return, and by that I mean I am finally and emphatically engaged to one of the most wonderful women I have ever come to known.  It has been the first time I have been fired from a job but that story does not need to be told now but one day in the future may come to be of some importance.  The only thing that does need to be said about that is we will be fine and I have things covered.  But really what I am trying to say is that a lot has happened with me in only a short amount of time.

After long times of waiting and prayer, one can typically expect great trials as a way to test us.  Right before I flew to Australia after being separated from Tatiana for the last 5 months, there was some drama that caused me to rethink things, to question myself and our relationship.  But what seems to be our constant struggle was not going to be something to stop me from trying to move forward.  I was nervous as I stepped off the plane in Brisbane.  Tatiana and I had recently had a long discussion about what we were to do in our futures and how to move forward but as I heard my name being called in the airport and looked around to catch a glimpse of her... There she was.  To see her smile, wave her hand in that shy way that women sometimes do to catch our eye but not draw attention, to see her slip through the crowd to where I would soon stand, and then to hold her once again after I dropped everything from my hands... It is a moment that felt would last forever and will forever be imprinted on my memory.  It was so surreal to be there holding her, my hands in her hair, her face pressed against my chest, pulling her into my embrace.  To hear her whisper in almost unbelief, "It is really you..."  I have never missed someone so dearly as I have her and to be with her again was like living a dream.

 When we finally got to the car, I had a small surprise for her.  Because of the drama we had before I got there I presented her with a gift... a turquoise necklace and a handwritten letter telling her how much I have missed her and love her.  But even though we would have a lot of time to spend with one another and show each other our feelings, we talked for so long on the ride back to her home.  We had other plans for the day but talking came so naturally and it was so nice to just hold her hand as we spoke, as we drove along to rest our hands in one another's laps, kissing at every stop light... It was wonderful.  But my intention of coming to Australia to propose was still a surprise and so I took every opportunity to tease her... stare longingly into her eyes on one knee before checking my shoelaces as we walked through the local plaza, taking longer to pass jewelry stores only to stare at the showcases of rings, but the whole time she "knew" why I was there.

We definitely had time to spend getting to know family and we had many conversations but eventually the morning rolled around to when I planned to propose.  We were to hike a mountain nearby and enjoy the sunrise together.  I was going to video the whole thing in private and surprise her that morning, but instead the weather got the better of me.  We changed our plans slightly so that the wet conditions that arose suddenly would only change the hike to a walk but along the beaches in Mooloolaba instead.  The morning went so much better than I expected and she was completely unaware of what I was doing... even when we were hustling around to find a good spot to set up my camera to take pictures and there was some slightly odd behavior by me.  Eventually the moment came and as the sun was rising over the ocean and I got her to stand up to move on to a new location, I turned to her and told her I had one last thing to tell her before we went.  "Do you remember how I told you that I was coming here to ask your parents if I could marry you?" I slipped down to one knee and I told her quietly, "Well I already have... Will you marry me?"  And with a huge grin on my face and her ring open in front of me she began to cover her smile and ask, "Are you serious??"  And as I slowly shook my head yes, her smile spread across her face as she came in to kiss me and say through her voice choked with emotion, "Yes..."  I could have lived in that moment.  Time could have stopped and I would have been happy forever.  But time never stops and even though the rest of the week had its ups and its downs the thing was, that from that moment on my life had changed.  I would no longer be alone.  But I guess in a way that was foolishness because in only a week's time I would have to go home to America and from that I would have yet one more lesson to learn.

It has been tough being gone from her and even before we left we faced opposition.  I struggle now not knowing what to expect, what our futures may hold, when will I be able to be with her again... Will it be in 5 months?  Will it be in 10?  What will come of our plans?  There is so much in our future that has changed and yet I still struggle to understand what lesson I am supposed to be learning besides faith, diligence, patience, and to trust in God that everything will be alright.  I miss her so very much and having to part ways at the airport felt like I was being torn in two.  I could almost feel a part of me stay there in her arms as I had to rip myself away.  I never knew heartache before because I never felt that kind of pain.  I cried myself to sleep several times on the long 30+ hour journey home.  But what I really want to focus on is that in this short period of time I feel like I have entered into a new chapter of my life.  And even though I know from experience that the separation will be hard with long days and lonely nights, this isn't goodbye.  It is just the beginning of a life that will hold so much more happiness and love than I could have ever imagined.  This is only an opportunity for me to wait, to learn, to grow... To love this most amazing woman in ways that are more than just physical and to learn to appreciate her and the time we will share in the future for the gift and the miracle that it truly is.  I love her and I will do anything I can for her.  She is my best friend, my fiance, my future wife, and my better half.  I love you Tatiana and I know that in the end, we will do this and I hope you know that you are more than worth the wait.  I love you...