Saturday, July 21, 2012

A New Beginning

I have had a lot of firsts recently and a lot of emotions running through my head.  It was my first time ever travelling abroad by myself and with that it also happened to be my first time ever going to Australia.  It was the first time I have ever so fully followed my heart, finding true love in return, and by that I mean I am finally and emphatically engaged to one of the most wonderful women I have ever come to known.  It has been the first time I have been fired from a job but that story does not need to be told now but one day in the future may come to be of some importance.  The only thing that does need to be said about that is we will be fine and I have things covered.  But really what I am trying to say is that a lot has happened with me in only a short amount of time.

After long times of waiting and prayer, one can typically expect great trials as a way to test us.  Right before I flew to Australia after being separated from Tatiana for the last 5 months, there was some drama that caused me to rethink things, to question myself and our relationship.  But what seems to be our constant struggle was not going to be something to stop me from trying to move forward.  I was nervous as I stepped off the plane in Brisbane.  Tatiana and I had recently had a long discussion about what we were to do in our futures and how to move forward but as I heard my name being called in the airport and looked around to catch a glimpse of her... There she was.  To see her smile, wave her hand in that shy way that women sometimes do to catch our eye but not draw attention, to see her slip through the crowd to where I would soon stand, and then to hold her once again after I dropped everything from my hands... It is a moment that felt would last forever and will forever be imprinted on my memory.  It was so surreal to be there holding her, my hands in her hair, her face pressed against my chest, pulling her into my embrace.  To hear her whisper in almost unbelief, "It is really you..."  I have never missed someone so dearly as I have her and to be with her again was like living a dream.

 When we finally got to the car, I had a small surprise for her.  Because of the drama we had before I got there I presented her with a gift... a turquoise necklace and a handwritten letter telling her how much I have missed her and love her.  But even though we would have a lot of time to spend with one another and show each other our feelings, we talked for so long on the ride back to her home.  We had other plans for the day but talking came so naturally and it was so nice to just hold her hand as we spoke, as we drove along to rest our hands in one another's laps, kissing at every stop light... It was wonderful.  But my intention of coming to Australia to propose was still a surprise and so I took every opportunity to tease her... stare longingly into her eyes on one knee before checking my shoelaces as we walked through the local plaza, taking longer to pass jewelry stores only to stare at the showcases of rings, but the whole time she "knew" why I was there.

We definitely had time to spend getting to know family and we had many conversations but eventually the morning rolled around to when I planned to propose.  We were to hike a mountain nearby and enjoy the sunrise together.  I was going to video the whole thing in private and surprise her that morning, but instead the weather got the better of me.  We changed our plans slightly so that the wet conditions that arose suddenly would only change the hike to a walk but along the beaches in Mooloolaba instead.  The morning went so much better than I expected and she was completely unaware of what I was doing... even when we were hustling around to find a good spot to set up my camera to take pictures and there was some slightly odd behavior by me.  Eventually the moment came and as the sun was rising over the ocean and I got her to stand up to move on to a new location, I turned to her and told her I had one last thing to tell her before we went.  "Do you remember how I told you that I was coming here to ask your parents if I could marry you?" I slipped down to one knee and I told her quietly, "Well I already have... Will you marry me?"  And with a huge grin on my face and her ring open in front of me she began to cover her smile and ask, "Are you serious??"  And as I slowly shook my head yes, her smile spread across her face as she came in to kiss me and say through her voice choked with emotion, "Yes..."  I could have lived in that moment.  Time could have stopped and I would have been happy forever.  But time never stops and even though the rest of the week had its ups and its downs the thing was, that from that moment on my life had changed.  I would no longer be alone.  But I guess in a way that was foolishness because in only a week's time I would have to go home to America and from that I would have yet one more lesson to learn.

It has been tough being gone from her and even before we left we faced opposition.  I struggle now not knowing what to expect, what our futures may hold, when will I be able to be with her again... Will it be in 5 months?  Will it be in 10?  What will come of our plans?  There is so much in our future that has changed and yet I still struggle to understand what lesson I am supposed to be learning besides faith, diligence, patience, and to trust in God that everything will be alright.  I miss her so very much and having to part ways at the airport felt like I was being torn in two.  I could almost feel a part of me stay there in her arms as I had to rip myself away.  I never knew heartache before because I never felt that kind of pain.  I cried myself to sleep several times on the long 30+ hour journey home.  But what I really want to focus on is that in this short period of time I feel like I have entered into a new chapter of my life.  And even though I know from experience that the separation will be hard with long days and lonely nights, this isn't goodbye.  It is just the beginning of a life that will hold so much more happiness and love than I could have ever imagined.  This is only an opportunity for me to wait, to learn, to grow... To love this most amazing woman in ways that are more than just physical and to learn to appreciate her and the time we will share in the future for the gift and the miracle that it truly is.  I love her and I will do anything I can for her.  She is my best friend, my fiance, my future wife, and my better half.  I love you Tatiana and I know that in the end, we will do this and I hope you know that you are more than worth the wait.  I love you...


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