Communication is a subject of importance because without it we simply don’t understand each other. We communicate in so many ways, many of which are without words. When we communicate, what we say is important but it is the smallest percentage of what we truly “hear” when we take the time to listen. The tone in which we speak, the body language we portray, everything we do affects more than what we in all reality say. I find it fascinating because our society has changed so much from a personal face-to-face communication to an increasing electronic world. Are we really benefitting from it or are we killing our already incredibly “social” society.
I have come to the conclusion that we are losing the ability to communicate. The art of public speaking and writing are fading. In defense, we still have our actors and actresses, players and playwrights, politicians and political debaters, and we find our own way to communicate even to those who in the past were beyond our reach. We now can communicate all over the world! I, a poor college student, can literally see my parents every night if I so choose all the way across the country. Tell them how I feel, how I did that day, everything I so desire. We have modernized our way of speaking.
There is a lot of good with all of this. There is a lot of things that can be misinterpretted in nonverbal communication. With all of that out of the way, it is a lot easier to content communicate. Mean what you say, say what you mean. Simple. Easy. Blunt. For a fast pace world, it is efficient to not have to worry about all those mixed signals and get straight dry cut answers. Isn’t that the point of technology to make things efficient, fast, and simple? But what have we lost and at what cost? Personal communication is dying in the onslaught of technology.
How has this happened? It starts with being behind a computer, a phone, or a television screen. How truly “social” can we be? We talk about how we can communicate so quickly using these new tools. But is it really faster to have a conversation through text messaging when your fingers are typing everything on the keypad of a phone designed to hold that conversation verbally and can be said that much faster than many of us can type? It is the same with Instant Messaging. But you can have multiple conversations at the same time! Then are we really communicating with any of these people in the first place? Communication is two way. Not only the ability to deliver information but to accept it as well. I really don’t think someone is listening when they are listening to everyone at the same time. If we can do that then maybe we just don’t even care.
Still, I think we do care but a majority of us, as the oncoming generations, are losing this art of expressing ourselves fully. We get lost or miscommunicate because we lack the experience to understand the nonverbal communication, since it is no longer necessary. I think my youngest sister is noticing it the most since she is without a cell phone or a facebook and she is in middle school. She is so deprived because her modernized social network is dependant upon those things.
An example that strikes closer to home, I struggle at times to say the right thing at the right time. I think we all do, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. I am one of those that at times, may over analyze, second guess myself, clam up a little bit at first, because I get nervous around some girls. I am worried if they will find me interesting, attractive, or if I will say something stupid. But that is just because I am interested. The more I thought about this, the more I realized that is why a lot of the time I may attract girls that personally I’m not interested in. Because when I’m not worried or thinking so much, I can be more of myself. I’m comfortable. Again, this all only applies to when I am talking to them in person. Why? Because otherwise, it doesn’t seem as real. There is no person there. It is a phone. There is no one there to take your breath away or laugh at you or distract you. But it is also because like I said, many of us lack the experience or haven’t developed this art of nonverbal communication. We don’t understand and so we question ourselves.
I find it funny to watch a boy on his cell phone texting a girl. He takes all the time in the world to come up with the perfect line, revising it, asking for suggestions from his friends on what they would say, and it becomes a joint project of testing out what actually works. It all makes me laugh. If he was actually in the moment, talking to her, how would he really respond? Would he stutter, stumble a little bit, laugh it off, ignore the question, or a thousand of other scenarios? This is what I think about. Our lack of understanding or use of nonverbal communication obviously affects our one-on-one face-to-face personal relationships. It affects them directly.
How can you foster it? I dunno. Practice? It is still a mystery to me and I definitely can’t translate girl. But I do know that it remains interesting as long as it doesn’t become awkward. Both parties have to be equally invested in a conversation and be actively involved. But you also can’t force it. You can’t force someone to be interested in what you have to say. Trust me. I have tried on numerous occasions with girls I really liked. It doesn’t work. So never try to be something you are not. Be yourself because that is what people are looking for anyways. To sell yourself, be yourself. It is that simple. And I understand that saying it is one thing, doing it is another.
We all put walls up at times. Sometimes, it is just the wrong time. Sometimes, it is the wrong person. Sometimes, it is the wrong time with the right person, and vice versa. Who knows? Maybe patience is the key because we all have a bad day once and again. Other times, it is best to be hundred percent open with things. But it is all trial and error. When Edison was being asked about all the trial and error he had with inventing the light bulb he said, "I didn't fail, I found 2,000 ways how not to make a light bulb; I only need to find one way to make it work." It all works out in the end. It always does. We just need to be persistent in following our dreams and work step by step. Before I can understand women, I first need to be able to communicate with them. I know. A big dream, right? Understand women. But when it is right, it will be natural. It will be easy. We won't even have to try. So I guess the best way to find out, to do that myself and see if she will follow suit. And when it happens, I will be the happiest man alive. I might finally be understood.
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