I Think I'm Lost...

One of the things I am beginning to realize is that love really is a natural thing. You can't force it and you can't make it appear. In fact, the harder you try to less likely it is going to work. It is a sad fact really. I keep trying to find that perfect someone and all I end up doing is finding myself alone on those long Friday nights typing and drawing away on some project or paper that I didn't want to start or was even planning on starting because I thought I was going to be busy. Funny how things work out.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am trying too hard. I thought people wanted to know that they were special, that they were worth loving, and that there really are people out there that are willing to go the distance to not only say it but show it too. But guess again, I appear to be wrong. If I just didn't care, things would come together. My happiness shouldn't be dependent on whether or not I have somebody to love. I should be able to love everyone and that includes myself. I should be okay with being alone, because in all reality that is a lot of what life is... loneliness. You and the big guy upstairs... Or at least that is kind of the message I am getting. Maybe that is another interpretation for the scripture that says you need to lose yourself to find yourself. I should stop trying so hard and let it go and then love will find me. In any case, I think I am definitely heading in that direction because I have gotten to that point where in denial I can say that I just don't care. Why? Because number one I do care and two if love was a language, I am definitely lost in translation. I am lost.