There are so many songs out that I like, Crush by David Archuleta, Fallin' For You by Colbie Caillat, Everything by Michael Buble, I'm Yours by Jason Mraz, My Wish by Rascal Flatts, Keeper by Yellowcard, Perfect Chemistry by Nevertheless, and so many more. If I could sum up my thoughts and feelings in a word... dreamer. I love to dream and I dream about love.
I feel like if there is anything I could do, it is fall too quickly and say too much when it comes to my heart. My poker face is a smile. I can't do it and there is nothing to explain. Even though I have a lot of fun, I hate playing all these games that leave me cold and empty. Whether I listen to your silence or your speeches, all I hear is a nothingness that makes my ears bleed. It is a lot of meaningless. You are saying nothing at all. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't just try to fill the air because it is there. I can't love a facade and so I never put one up, because I want to be loved for me. Don't be who you think you should be, but be yourself. It takes so much less effort and so much more courage and strength to be yourself. Can you even remember who you are anymore with all of the pretending. Why does being ourselves feel so wrong?
The craziest part of this pulling desire is that I can't stop searching no matter the cost or the pain. It is like a drug, an addiction, a bleeding scar. It is a lonesome battle of the heart. I live my fears when the ones that I love can't love me in return and at times I become my own nightmare for those that I call friends. Just friends... what irony because I hope to love my best friend. What a crazy idea. It is a thought that escapes me. It eludes me. It is in all reality, a dream. Something I have yet to find, and in the meantime burns a hole in my soul every day as time passes me by.
I guess this is why I love music: It lifts me up for that small moment to breathe life into a lonely broken heart. It is broken but not beaten. I don't give up easily because if it were easy, it wouldn't be worth fighting for. And so the music keeps me keeping on, one heartbreak, one heartache, one heartbeat at a time. Lyrics have always been my great escape.
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