If there is a place I can feel at peace it is within. I find that a story is something that I hold onto. A story is something I value. A story is something I relate to. I look for meaning within things that appear to have no meaning because I feel that there is nothing that is or will ever be that does not have a purpose. There is a story to be found in overcoming an obstacle as much as there is in every time you failed before. I do not understand all things but I am a lifelong learner and in most instances I can remember and so I am quick to adjust. No matter how strategic I feel that I am, I also choose to have attachment. I choose to relate to things, to people, to philosophies. I try to carry pieces of all these things with me so I can continue to grow. In all of this, I am working on writing my own story.
I never thought that I was a black and white kind of person but I think I am. There are a lot of things I wish I was and many of them are for selfish reasons and I resent that in myself. I want to be a better person but I shouldn't want it for worldly success or for the praise of others or their recognition or for the chance of future wealth. I have seen that pride affect and bring the very opposite of those desires to the people who seek it. Even in this statement of seeing my flaws, I find in the same hour that a note I sent to someone because of a prompting helped them see their own value. I shouldn't have such a perspective of extremes and I am working to see things in the gray but I do have this internal perfectionism complex. I know where I want to be and I have goals for myself and even though I know that I will fall short because of where I am now that doesn't mean that I can't be closer tomorrow and the day after and the day after that. I am always looking to improve.
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