When we move through this life we leave pieces of ourselves along the way. These small parts of our souls are created by deep moments of emotion. Whether these moments are of pain, love, joy... when they are born they are rooted not only in people but the space and place where they were created. I have traveled a bit and the places I have been to, I have tried to make memories with. One of the hard things to do though is remembering and emotions that come back even when those relationships may have had a tragic ending or no ending at all. I really don't know what brings me more pain: the painful ending or lack of closure and continued wondering.
I have tried to live life the only way I know how. The way my grandfather and namesake did. I live a life worth remembering. I live within the moment. I live in such a way that I try to make sure that the people around me never feel like they can be forgotten because they ARE special. People are unique. I have done my best to love and love and love again. I want to be someone worth remembering.
The night that brought me back to this thought was a rainy one. I had spent one similar with a friend. We had talked over dinner and decided to stop at a park on the way home and talk some more. The conversation got deep and it got personal and topic after topic continued to delve deeper into the relationships that we have in life and why we foster them. It was fascinating. It was intimate. And the paradox was there I was in the same place, alone. I had gone back to visit that place both mentally and physically. I wanted to think about life for a bit and reflect and see how I was doing. Have I moved on from my past? Had I made a future? Where was I in my life?
In the end, I feel like I found some of the answers I was looking for. I don't remember them clearly now but I do remember that something inside of me resonated with the answers and my fears and doubts slipped away. As easy as they had found me, they left. The safety of going back to a place that has a piece of your soul is that you can find yourself there and begin again.
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