Soothing from the Sabbath

Sometimes Sundays are sub-par.  By that I mean, I haven't really prepared myself to receive anything, I don't really want to receive anything, more or less the pew at church is just a nice place to sit down and avoid having my head bob while I take a nap.  Luckily this isn't a typical trend for me and today was fortunately one of those Sundays where everything I was thinking about during the week basically got touched on.

I have recently been noticing changes as the semester is coming to a close.  Certain friendships have gotten stronger and others have diminished.  One of the things that has kind of surprised me is the number of times that my friends do not want to do the same things as I do at the same time.  I throw out ideas like movies, bowling, food, what have you.  I throw out a few options of where to go or what to see and not soon after I hear that they don't have enough money or they are busy and don't have time.  Well, next thing I know they are posting pictures of seeing a movie, their scores from the bowling alley, or I walk in just in time to go out with them to grab dinner.  For some reason, I am not regularly being invited to join them.  I don't understand that completely but I do know that it makes me feel poorly.  Especially since I feel like I am willing to jump in and do whatever they want to do on most occasions.  The biggest reason why I feel the way I do is because these aren't just random people but my friends.  So this has been one thing on my mind.

Another thing I have been preoccupied with is my dating life and at times absence there of.  Mix that in with school, summer plans, and my religious life, I have been busy even though I haven't technically been busy.  It is finals week and there isn't a whole lot to do.  You study when you want to study but you don't want to burn yourself out either.  Right now, the only job offer I have is summer sales down in Riverside, CA and I have applications in all over the place for internships.  The internships I have applied to could take me to Boise, Columbus, Minnesota, and even, Scotland.  However, those are only hopes and wishes for possible internships because I don't have offers from any of them.  I have one offer and it is to do summer sales.  After spending so much time finding an apartment in Salt Lake, I will probably end up giving it up depending on wherever I go once I find work.  I have never once thought I would even consider summer sales because I know it isn't just going to be tough work but it is going to consume my time.  This brings me back to this Sunday's services.

Church was amazing.  I know that I haven't been the most consistent in my prayers and scripture studies.  I have a lot of growth I need to do.  So here I was sitting there and the lessons are on charity, consecration, and character.  Honestly, this was exactly what I needed.  I am not alone.  As people, we have an innate need to be loved and have a feeling that we need to belong.  Everyone has this and when it comes to charity, the lesson there is that God will always love and be willing to give you that love that you need.  But then comes consecration... I am lacking in so many ways.  But the best way I can talk about consecration is that God only asks for one thing from you and it is that you give your everything.  It won't be enough but that is why we have the Savior.  He will make up the difference but it is by doing everything you can and giving your all that we grow.  We can't hold back.  We have to commit to it.  "Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity. Meditate upon these things; give thyself wholly to them; that thy profiting may appear to all. (1 Timothy 4:12, 15)"

The last lesson we had was on character. There was a lot we discussed and talked about from our lesson on character but the points that really spoke to me in the end were that it matters on who you are when no one is watching.  Your character is defined from who you are on a consistent basis.  The teacher talked about how the principle of obedience begins from our fear, desire for blessings, love of God, and who we are trying to become.  The first two are common spots for everyone... sure.  But there is a difference in who we are and who the apostles are.  Obedience is not the key but it again goes back to consecration.  Obedience is one of the first commandments and covenants that God gives to Adam but it is not the last he is given on His pursuit to godliness.  We need to do more.  We have to want more.

I decided after Church that I need to step up a bit and spent some time alone on the temple grounds so I grabbed my scriptures and changed my pants and off I went.  I realized that at times I have started to become the person I hated and feared. I need a new change and a new start and even though moving to Salt Lake might help that following graduation plus my new apartment, I still needed more. From my prayers, it was simple. I needed to trust God more and be more patient.  California and summer sales are not the answer.  While I wait and see where I find work for this summer, continue to apply to internships and wait to see what opportunities come back, the answer is to live within my means and only have what I need.  My apartment is only from month to month.  I have to get in touch with the University of Utah and figure out classes for next Fall but in the end, I just have to prioritize God, focus on that relationship the most, graduate and move up to Salt Lake for a while, but be patient and keep moving forward this summer.  I have to let go of my fears, my insecurities, and get back to where I need to be with the basics.