Self-Fulfillment

I always thought that I had to trust God and let go of the ones that I loved and He would take care of them... If I had thought it all the way through, I might have realized that I need to let go and trust God and He would take care of the people He loves.  He has a plan for me and so many blessings in store but I have to be patient and allow His perfect love to change me.  I have to accept not just His power and strength and infinite wisdom, but realize that the reason we are all drawn to Him and His Son is their infinite love.  Our Heavenly Father has one serious weakness and it isn't even really a weakness.  He chooses to be vulnerable to us.  We have a perfect Father who allows us to choose for ourselves and He weeps for us when we suffer, He feels joy with us in our successes.  Who am I to have the love and capture the focus of such a being as imperfect and flawed as I am?  I am a god in the making.  I am progressing in my imperfection.  I am an immortal being living a mortal experience.

Some people might think I have done a really good job in focusing and working through tough things in my life.  Some people might think I have found self-fulfillment or a form of self-love .  Some might think I am confident in myself and don't care what other people think.  They are in a very small way correct but only in one aspect.  As a whole, they couldn't be more wrong.  I am a feeler.  I might not care too much what everyone thinks about me but I do care how certain people think.  I care about what God thinks of me.  I care about what my family and my loved ones think of me.  Am I representing them well?  Am I doing what I can to make them proud?  If I had the kind of self-fulfillment that the world sees in some people then it would be like saying how happy and justified I feel in being alone.  That is the last thing I want in this world!  I am not always confident but I do have faith that God will bless the things I experience for my good, no matter how difficult, and as long as I endure them well.  I have been through life or death experiences.  I have felt the emotional trauma of betrayal and relational experiences that would be comparable to divorce.  And the only reason why I am capable to continue to choose to feel, to allow myself to be vulnerable, to overcome these things is because I was never alone.  In the first place, I was able to turn to my Father in Heaven and to my Savior.

The more I develop my discipleship I developed the relationships I found in the world around me and able to recognize someone who has the same core foundations as me.  Life is hard enough to not have to continually lift a spouse or encourage them to live their beliefs.  I do not want to be a burden for them as well as I want to avoid that kind of relationship for myself.  God's perfect love can fill the need we all have to be loved and to belong but it still lacks in some aspects of it.  My mother can tell me that she loves me but hearing that from my future wife will have a deeper meaning.  I will need her and she will need me.  We will complete one another in a way that God intended and designed and hoped that we imperfect creatures could experience together.  God did not intend for man to be alone but He also did not intend to fill this specific aspect of our lives himself.