Commitment and Symbols

I am sure it was because of General Conference today but I have been thinking about my commitment to my faith.  I sadly admit that there are few things that I feel are more important but I will do less for on a daily basis and that needs to change.  I don't know when but I think I know how I went wrong.  I think Neal A. Maxwell said it best when he said, "The laughter of the world is merely loneliness pathetically trying to reassure itself."  I let myself get distracted that I forgot about the little things.  Little by little I let my feet run off with me and now I need to find my way back.

I guess I felt like I needed to focus more on my classes and with long nights and making time for my friends I slowly became lonelier and lonelier.  I was surrounded by my books, work, school, sports and leisure, and all of the things that might have brought feelings of success and progression but still there was a feeling that I was lacking.  I had forgotten to pray and to study my scriptures as I should.  My temple attendance was infrequent at best.  My commitment and priorities had been misplaced and it had begun to show.  So as I was sitting there listening to the leaders speak at conference today I could feel my testimony almost sting me as a way of saying that I knew better.  There was reason I felt alone and it had nothing to do with a relationship status or the number of friends I have or have made in the past year in this ward.

I decided to do something then that I hadn't done in what feels like a long time.  I took my CTR ring off the ring finger of my right hand and moved it to my left hand.  The last time I did that was when my ex-fiance had left back for Australia almost as a promise to the both of us what I would end up doing that future summer.  This time I am moving my ring for a different kind of promise but this time to myself.  I would keep myself pure for my future spouse and family.  This time however I have no idea when or where we will meet but I will work on the relationship I had forgotten to make those future relationships strong.  I had a friend in my Lord and Savior and although I know I strayed from his path, I also know he has never left me.  I know it doesn't mean much to some but that ring for me means a lot more.  I don't know really how to explain it but it is a symbol of my commitment and I need to change.  I need to study more, pray more, and when I move I need to go to the temple more regularly, as well as sign up for an institute class.

Even if I am to continue my life in what appears to be my current path, I no longer want to do so feeling alone.  I want to enjoy the relationships I have, I want to love the people around me, and I want purpose in my life again.  One thing is for certain though, nothing is going to get any better unless I am willing to change.