Sunday, February 3, 2013

Back To Square One

I think it is interesting to see how things come together.  It has been a while since I have started any new posts and I realized that there are a few things I can really talk about.  I think I have been able to use a few of my spiritual gifts since I moved to my new apartment complex but one has become more obvious lately than others.  I don't know how many times I have felt like I needed to go visit friends at their apartment and I end up staying longer than I planned to because I need to be there to listen to a friend.  I feel grateful that I have people who trust me enough that they can be open with me and talk with me but it is also so sad the things that we go through in life that so many of us feel like we have to carry alone.  Victims who become victimizers.  Lines that are crossed.  And the largest lesson and blessing I have seen that can be sought after is forgiveness.  I know personally how important that is on both sides of the line: needing to forgive and needing to be forgiven.

On a completely unrelated note though, I think I am finally ready.  I am in a marriage prep class right now and as part of that class we had to take a long hard look at whether or not we are ready to be in a committed relationship right now.  I know I still have stuff I need to work on but at the same time, I am ready to start over.  I am ready to have someone that I can share memories with, to love, and to feel like I can trust someone completely and be hundred percent open and confident with.  I want a best friend that I could date.  But until then, I just have to keep focusing on how I can improve and be patient.  I have been on a few fun dates.  I have been exercising a lot.  And I signed up for a relay race that I am going to run in sometime in March with 5 of my friends.  There are a lot of things that are happening and a lot of things which I hope would happen but overall, life is good.
  • I'm making the changes that I need to be in the best place that I can.
  • I have a lot of opportunities that are being put in my lap academically.
  • I need to manage my time better and focus on what is most needful.
It is not that I want to feel like I am starting over.  However, I am not one to stay down.  I will make the best of my situation and see what happens.  I don't feel like I failed but more like one door closed so another could open.  I feel like I have been given another chance.  I just have to wait to see what happens.

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