Strolling in the Moonlight: Back To Square One

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Back To Square One

I think it is interesting to see how things come together. It has been a while since I have started any new posts and I realized that there are a few things I can really talk about. I think I have been able to use a few of my spiritual gifts since I moved to my new apartment complex but one has become more obvious lately than others. I don't know how many times I have felt like I needed to go visit friends at their apartment and I end up staying longer than I planned to because I need to be there to listen to a friend. I feel grateful that I have people who trust me enough that they can be open with me and talk with me but it is also so sad the things that we go through in life that so many of us feel like we have to carry alone. Victims who become

victimizers. Lines that are crossed. And the largest lesson and blessing I have seen that can be sought after is forgiveness. I know personally how important that is on both sides of the line: needing to forgive and needing to be forgiven.

On a completely unrelated note though, I think I am finally ready. I am in a marriage prep class right now and as part of that class we had to take a long hard look at whether or not we are ready to be in a committed relationship right now. I know I still have stuff I need to work on but at the same time, I am ready to start over. I am ready to have someone that I can share memories with, to love, and to feel like I can trust someone completely and be hundred percent open and confident with. I want a best friend that I could date. But until then, I just have to keep focusing on how I can improve and be patient. I have been on a few fun dates. I have been exercising a lot. And I signed up for a relay race that I am going to run in sometime in March with 5 of my friends. There are a lot of things that are happening and a lot of things which I hope would happen but overall, life is good.

I'm making the changes that I need to be in the best place that I can.
I have a lot of opportunities that are being put in my lap academically.
I need to manage my time better and focus on what is most needful.

It is not that I want to feel like I am starting over. However, I am not one to stay down. I will make the best of my situation and see what happens. I don't feel like I failed but more like one door closed so another could open. I feel like I have been given another chance. I just have to wait to see what happens.

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The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

Serenity

"But it ain't all buttons and charts, little albatross. You know what the first rule of flyin' is? Well I suppose you do, since you already know what I'm about to say."

"I do. But I like to hear you say it."

"Love. You can know all the math in the 'Verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as a turn in the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down, tells ya she's hurtin' 'fore she keens. Makes her a home."

"Storm's getting worse."

"We'll pass through it soon enough."

Scott Russell Sanders

"When the pain of leaving behind what we know outweighs the pain of embracing it, or when the power we face is overwhelming and neither flight nor fight will save us, there may be salvation in sitting still. And if salvation is impossible, then at least before perishing we may gain a clearer vision of where we are. By sitting still I do not mean the paralysis of dread, like that of a rabbit frozen beneath the dive of a hawk. I mean something like reverence, a respectful waiting, a deep attentiveness to forces much greater than our own."

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

"When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words.

I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died."

Your life is an occasion. Rise to it."

Ender's Game

"In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it's impossible to really understand someone, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them-"

"You beat them." For a moment she was not afraid of his understanding.

"No you don't understand. I destroy them. I make it impossible for them to ever hurt me again. I grind them and grind them until they don't exist."

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Sunday, February 3, 2013

Back To Square One

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