Planning to Start Over

Well this is the last weekend I have until school starts again. I luckily have been able to get most of the major things accomplished so far and hopefully, just doing that will help me organize things and be able to relax for the rest of it. It has been a great way to finish off the summer. I went golfing a couple of times with my dad, my brother, and family friends. I was able to spend time with my niece and the rest of my brother's family. Read about a half dozen books, almost finishing a series. It has been a great summer, both relaxing and a lot of fun. Still, I think it is good to have a plan and to set some goals for these upcoming semesters.

I have never really been a big fan of goals but who knows? Maybe if I actually work on these and look back at them from time to time I might be able to reach them. Start small and work bigger. And how else am I supposed to know if I am being successful if there is nothing to measure my success against. So if I am going to be starting over, I might as well have a plan.

1. I figure the most important thing is my health. If you don't have that, then really what do you have? So I am making a goal to not only keep track of it but find a way to send any information that my doctors may require to them. Plus, I think it would be good if I set up some sort of exercise routine. Running is always good but I need to work my upper body and core more. So physically I am going to clean up my act and set better exercise habits.

2. Spiritually, I need to do a couple of things. I need to improve my temple attendance. I live in Utah now for heaven's sake. How hard could it be? Twice a month shouldn't be too hard. I also need to work on developing a habit of steady daily scripture reading and study. I think if I am able to do this, a lot of things would naturally begin to fall in place. If I am spiritually and physically balanced, I will be at the top of my game.

3. I need to make sure that school is a priority. I worked my tail off this summer so I wouldn't have to work during the semester and could concentrate fully on my studies. If this is to be something measurable, then what I am going to shoot for is that by next semester I will have applied for and have been given an academic scholarship. I had one as a Freshman and then I just forgot to reapply after I got back from my mission. I should get on that again.

4. When it comes to my family, I am going to miss them a lot and even though I consider myself pretty well connected and I feel like I talk to them a lot, I need to do better. I need to be consistent. I need to call not just my mother often but my dad too... just to talk, ask for advice, tell them I love and appreciate them, etc. I need to skype weekly on Sundays. I will also try to figure out a way to squeeze my grandparents in there too (phone call, message once in a while).

5. Lastly, I am not going to focus so much on dating. And by dating I mean trying to find or form a relationship. I need solid friendships first. I need to meet people, try to be natural, and just make the best of everything, and just have fun. I don't need to put pressure on myself because when I do, everyone notices. I need to be patient and just slow down. So this semester, the goal is friends... next semester, well we will see where we are when we get there and then who knows? Goals are meant to be flexible, right?

A Beautiful Mind

"What truly is logic? Who decides reason? My quest has taken me to the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional, and back. I have made the most important discovery of my career - the most important discovery of my life. It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reason can be found. I am only here tonight because of you. You are the only reason I am. You are all my reasons. Thank you."

I wish I knew a girl like this... Still waiting. Amazing story that shows that love conquers all and that if you believe something, it can become real. You can overcome anything if you put your mind to it. I just wish that I met someone patient enough to see what I have to offer, someone that excites me and appreciates me as much as I can them, and if I ever meet this girl, I hope I will recognize her and have the courage to pursue her enough that she will open up and give me that one shot that I have been hoping for. It is one thing to have a beautiful mind, but I believe the best thing I have to offer is my heart.

A Stage for the Imagination

For once in a really long time, I have been able to start relaxing in my long busy summer. And go figure but when I find free time and my family is off doing a thousand things... I read. I have read three books so far this summer and each and every one of them has been fantastic. I have to recommend them! The first two were The Screwtape Letters and Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis. The Screwtape Letters presents a perspective on humanity through the communication between one man's guardian devil and that devil's experienced uncle, Screwtape. Yes, I said guardian devil. This short read presents the vices of the world and many of the reasons why we may forget who we are and this moment in eternity which we call life. Amazing book and an especially creative and unique viewpoint for sure.

Mere Christianity is equally interesting. I didn't know what to expect when I opened it up, I had heard of it before, and I was curious especially because of the title. What I found was that this book followed the logic and reasoning behind one man's journey from atheism to discovering the truths and doctrines within Christianity. This man being none other than C. S. Lewis himself. Fabulously written and it really opens a window to the mind of this amazingly persuasive writer.

The last book I read, I had actually heard before. Our family likes to travel and visit family and when I was younger we went on cross country drives-camping trips to the Mountain West from the East Coast. In any case, our family would read book series in the car or at night. After this long introduction, Gerald N. Lund's Kingdom and the Crown Series starts with the fantastic historical fiction novel, The Fishers of Men. This story introduces a few fictional families that lived during the time of Jesus Christ in the Galilee and in the Jerusalem area. It portrays a wide variety of characters their interactions and struggles as they hear and follow the ministry of the Savior. It brings to life the political, religious, and social strife of the time and for me was like reliving and watching these people find strength beyond their own as their hearts are changed while they come to know the Savior of the world.

Books are so much better than movies. I had almost forgotten the power of the imagination. In a film, you watch the emotion and drama and excitement unfold before your eyes. In a story, your mind opens up to all new possibilities. You create the look of the character, the way they walk, interact, move, but now you can even look inside them. You hear their thoughts, touch the feelings in their heart, and almost become a part of them, connecting to their conflicts with the ones that you yourself have experienced.


It enlightens and stretches your mind, opens you up to new ways of thinking, and as you fall in love with the characters good and bad, you find them in your own life and sometimes even within you. There really is nothing that is much better than a great book. It can become the stage for the wiles of your imagination.

Torn By a Friend

Sometimes I wonder why I care. Is it merely because that is what separates me from everything else in the world? Or is it so I can learn more about myself? How vulnerable can I really be? It destroys me when things fall apart. I don't know whether I need to try harder or try less, because I just hope that you will be happy. All I know is that the dreams I had, the plans I made, and things I knew... they are just gone. I thought there would be tears, heartbreak, and it's not because I didn't love you. I did and probably more than you will ever get to know but it is because I trusted you. I don't know if I can do that again. It is not so much that you lied but that you forgot. I gave you something that meant so much to me and you left it there on the floor, like a present unwrapped only so far as to see what it was and dropped because it wasn't exactly what you wanted. I don't even know if you even really looked at it before you threw it away. And so there I lie, broken and forgotten, torn and bitter, but lovingly forgiving because I hope you are happy. Your choices are exactly that... your own. So what is wrong with me? Why do I not hate you or breakdown because of the pain I feel? It is almost like if I did I would be weak, or be admitting aloud that you meant to me exactly how you really do or that there might actually be something wrong with me when there is really not. I guess I am just not him and so here I am confused. And it is sad, because typically I am so confident and sure. You never even told me that you had past me by and I wouldn't have ever even known if it wasn't for the grapevine. Thanks for that because you know what, I am only just a friend.

You're Gonna Miss This

One of the things that I do is think a lot. I think about how I want my world to be, how I want my life to turn out, and who I want to be. I think about my family as of late. It is amazing how quiet a house is when you are the only one at home. I miss the noise, the music, the life that my family brings. I miss all the little things. It made me think how much I want to be a big part of my future family. I know that is a little premature, but nonetheless, in all seriousness, I don't want to miss a thing. I need to be there for my kids, to be there for the smiles, the laughter, the tears. I need to be there for my wife. I want to hold her tight and tell her that I will love her forever. I don't know what prompted this thought. Maybe it is the fact that for a month this summer I have been here at home alone working. It isn't worth it. Maybe it was the fact that this summer a dozen of my friends met someone special and ended up tying the knot. Whatever the reason, I don't ever want to be alone.

Wants and Needs

There is a real difference between what we call wants and needs. I find this fascinating because many times we confuse the two so readily, that we can't recognize which is which. I need to pay for college and so this summer I work my butt off and eventually my desire or wanting to have fun and relax becomes a need after pulling 70 hour weeks. But sometimes what we want and what we think we need we can not have. What we can have or what we need is already inside us just needing to be found. I want to love and be loved. I want peace and acceptance. I want... I need these things. Whether these complement us or clash, a ying or a yang, in turn they complete us. They are a way for us to see into our souls.

We may try to define or prioritize our lives in such a way as this, I think we can really just label it all as Desire. The smiles that leave us breathless, the grin that brings a blush, or the person that sees us as geniuses but accepts us when we play the part of the fool. We may think we stand alone, but what we do is stand together. All the love, acceptance, and ability to be me is already mine. With a little patience, confidence, and persistance to live what I know to be true principles, what really is most important to me will always be here, standing right beside me. And again the only thing that can stop me is me, so I need to exercise a little self-control and in the end I will get exactly what I want and need, all that I desire.

Get Lost in the Rain

Happiness is an interesting thing, and I like thinking about interesting things. Happiness seems in many peoples' lives conditional instead of a choice. Now why is that? Does life have to be a bed of roses for us to have smiles on our faces or can we just accept that life is hard? I truly believe that all we need to do to be happy is to choose to be. If we make the best of our situation and accept our efforts we are able to live in our circumstances. They do not define us by any means. Some of the best minds and people I have come to know live in the hardest circumstances. But they get by and life for them is good.

Now that is an idea... make a "Life is Good" t-shirt with someone at work, like a postal worker getting chased by a dog or a man at a desk buried in paperwork. Seriously though, no matter what is raining on our parade, in time a rainbow is sure to follow. So let us embrace those hard times, because they are the good times. It is when we learn and grow, fail and fail again, but eventually we will succeed, those are the good times. So don't get bogged down but embrace it and accept it ... a character building experience. And I know, character sucks especially while you are building it. But be happy and enjoy life for what it is, and take some time to get lost in the rain.

Fool's Gold

I have realized like most that there is no such thing as the perfect person, or the perfect woman for that matter. There are always shortcomings, insecurities, weaknesses, problems, but that is only one side of the coin. There is a whole other side to a person as well and when we are willing to accept a person in thier entirety and they accept us, we are golden. Then we can become the perfect person with their help. The cost of love is not as important as the value. We continue to look and search and hunt for that fool's gold. That person who we know is not really as good as they look, they still appear to look pretty dang good. We are looking for someone that could fool us into thinking they are truly golden. And it is not so much that, as it is that we are fools when we are in love. And it makes me think, if that is what I am looking for, how do I appear to other people? Am I good enough to be someone's golden boy or just a fool? I just wish I had known Kurt Lagner and had asked him what he meant when he said, "Love is a gift. You can't buy it, you can't find it, someone has to give it to you. Learn to be receptive to that gift." I guess a little patience and a little practice is in order, because how else are you to learn something than to practice it, ya know? I think I know so much but really I am just an inexperienced fool when it comes to love.