I'm an Extremist

In case the US government wants to know, I am not the extremist that you are looking for. The more time I am spending in my MBA program, the more I am learning about myself. I am a learner. I am a driver. I am persistent and I don't believe in impossible scenarios. I also have learned that there are also a few things that I am good at that are assets for most people but can be weaknesses for me.

I am an extremely good listener and I love to be a strategic planner. I listen so well that the amount of information that I glean from things is overwhelming. I over analyze because of how well I notice the details. Body language, tone, the words that are being used, the underlying assumptions and things that aren't being said, I see it all and hear it all. There are only three options for me:

1.  After pulling all the different stories from this mass of data in my head, I put myself in the shoes of that individual or entity and use what I know of their past and patterns of natural human behaviors and look at the problem or situation from their perspective. The issue is that there are so many assumptions that go into this and there is also the fun fact that a lot of human behavior is NOT logical. At times we are run by our emotions. So really, I might be able to predict what is happening but I absolutely have no way of knowing. If it sounds like a headache, it is.
2. The other thing I do is with this predictive way of thinking, I plan out a LOT of what I do. I don't all the time... When I am getting to know people, I am authentic and vulnerable and I choose to be myself. However, I still want to at least have a plan of what is the next step. What's next? That screws me over ALL THE TIME when it comes to dating. I am not obsessed with marriage. I just want to have a plan for what's next. In business, it is a huge asset because I am strategic in my interactions and in the way I approach things. It is what has helped me go places where I never thought would have been options for me.
3. The last option is the most simple and the best choice, however it is the hardest one for me because of my personality. I let go and let the other person choose. I can't control it. I can't influence the result. The only thing that result if I choose to act is usually going to be a reaction and the outcome is typically going to be a negative one.

 It isn't just I struggle with being patient. I can be patient - that isn't the root cause of the problem. The problem is that I am a perfectionist and I don't know if my efforts were good enough. It rolls back to the fact that I need to have more faith in myself. It is why I feel like I need to know what people are thinking. I want to have their approval. I want their acceptance. It is so stressful but it is just another way that people like myself show our insecurities. If I did have faith in myself, then I would assume that my interactions would lead to further interactions or opportunities.

If I didn't have those insecurities I could use my powers of observation and strategy for good and eventually I would be able to find a way to take over the world! I would be unstoppable! Seriously though, life would be so much better if I spent enough time working on who I am so that I could have more faith in myself.