To open a conversation or gathering, describe the concerns
that began the process, define where the change effort is at this moment,
describe what the organization needs from us right now, and give some idea of
the structure of this step.
The key is to tell the whole story. This includes weaknesses
and failures. Don’t protect people from bad news in the name of protecting them
from anxiety. Anxiety is the natural state, best handled in the light of day.
The only caution is to keep it short and informal, with more from the heart
than from the head.
2.
Renegotiate Expectations about Participation
From experience, when someone is confused or anxious by what
we say, our response is to repeat it again louder, as if turning up the volume
will solve the problem. As participants, we enter these discussion expecting
something to happen to us. We expect to be entertained or taught. In every
discussion, both sides have a job to do. There is a balance.
3.
Changing the Environment
There is no right way to change our rearrange your
environment. There is no one right way to sit or structure a room. They all can
work. What matters is that everyone is engaged in adapting the structure to the
task at hand. When we know that each of us can make the shifts to fit our own
purpose and still serve the overall purpose as well. In so doing, we have
chosen to be accountable for the relationship and no longer have to be held
bound to it.
4.
Create a Platform for Openness and Doubt
To have proper communication those that instigate a
discussion need to both tell the truth about failure and uncertainty, as well
as create an environment where there is an opportunity for all voices and
viewpoints to be heard. Reality in the words of those who agree to the
discussion become as important as the reality of the instigator – perhaps more
important.
Creating this platform allows for a restoration of faith
that is central to any change or improvement effort. Until we can speak in
public, our sense of what is real – our doubts and reservations and our past
disappointments – we are unable to invest in a different future. If we cannot
say no, our yes has no meaning.
The key conversation that needs to go public is about
people’s doubts and reservations. If doubt and even cynicism cannot be publicly
expressed, then internal commitment cannot be offered freely. Some doubts give
guidance for improvement; others don’t. People are not as orderly as machines,
and many doubts go unanswered. In creating high engagement, it is the
expression of doubt that counts, not its resolution. We cannot construct a plan
that eliminates all doubts, but we can always acknowledge them. We can
acknowledge cynicism and make room for it without being paralyzed by it.
Openness and reciprocity need to occur each time we meet.
Even when we are implementing complicated changes, there has to be a relatively
public platform for people’s concerns to be voiced and viewpoints to be sought.
Relationships change, influence shifts, and boundaries are threatened;
dialogue, widely held, is the only way to find new stability. Reassurances don’t
help. We waste time when we are attempting to reassure, calm, and tell a story
than when we have a conversation. If the speaker does not speak of doubt and
uncertainty, and talk about failure if it has occurred, there has been no
straight story. People’s trust in an individual comes down not so much whether
that person is right, but to whether they are willing to tell the truth.
5.
Ask “What Do We Want to Create Together?”
There is no more profound question than this one, and none
more difficult to answer in any meaningful way. It is the question on which
real accountability hinges. There are two parts to the question: the question
of creation and the question of together.
“Do we want to create?” is the dangerous part of the
question. If yes, then we are beginning to define a future that ultimately we
are responsible for. The second part of the question, “Do we want to create
something together?” is also difficult to answer. We may be used to creating
something on our own or in our unit, but when you ask, in effect, “What can we
create together that we cannot create alone?” you are asking for a whole other level.
To create something together, we have to cross boundaries and possibly yield
territory. This question opens us to the possibility and confronts us with the
reluctance of attending to someone else before ourselves.
6.
Create a New Conversation
A change in action is preceded by a change in the
conversation. Old conversations lead to old actions. We want people to take
positions that they cannot defend. Then we know we are in new territory. Old
conversations become a refuge, a way for us to find safety. If changing the
conversation does nothing else, it gives hope that each time we come together,
we have the capacity to transform our experience. Change, surprise and unrest,
are always within our reach. They are just waiting to come into existence.
7.
Choose Commitment and Accountability
We build capacity when commitment and accountability are
chosen. We have lost faith in our willingness to choose to be accountable. We
think we can produce accountability with incentives. The alternative is to have
faith that there are conditions in which people want to be accountable: they
want to set high goals, care for the well-being of the relationship, and know
how they are doing. We need to be accountable to both God as well as to our
significant others. This accountability is stronger when we move away from bartering
or contractual relationships to real commitment.
A personal commitment means that we agree to do something
that is not conditional on the response of someone else. That is why the word promise is so appropriate. If we make
our commitments conditional on the response from another, they are really not commitments
but are conditional and can be withdrawn if the other side does not deliver. A
commitment is a promise or a pledge to do something. Period. There is nothing
expected in return; it is only a choice to be made.
If we commit in this spirit, all the issues and conflict and
confusion simply disappears. At the moment of commitment, the relationship
becomes ours to create, and in the act of committing, we can find our freedom. There
will still be obstacles and disappointment, but they will not breed cynicism,
for we were not choosing on the basis of another’s action. If there is an
affirmation or loss of faith, it will not in others but in ourselves.
8.
Focus on Gifts
We live in a world that is much more interested in our
weaknesses and deficiencies than in our strengths and gifts. This is so common
that we have even come to believe that it is useful. Not so. Most of us have
been working on our deficiencies for much of our life and look at the progress
we have made. The primary impact of focusing on weaknesses is that it breeds
self-doubt and makes us easier to control.
We fear that if everyone really understood their strength
and value, things might not hold together. Why would we settle for anything
less than what we deserve? Why would shoot for anything but the best? We are
blind to and embarrassed by our gifts, our capacity to forgive ourselves, our affirmation
of the value we bring. Despite our shyness and the discomfort we feel in
talking about gifts, nothing brings success faster than focusing on our
strengths.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson
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