Thursday, August 16, 2012

Emotions

I think I finally figured out why I am so emotional all the time and so serious these last few months.  I like to be able to see the value in things and I like to work hard and even though I know I don't deserve anything, I hope that God as the loving father will bless me as His son.  I hope that I will be able to become what I need to be in order to be worthy of His love... even though that makes no sense.  He loves me no matter who I am or where I am at.  I guess what I mean is that I want to be the person that He sees in me and trusts me to be.  I want to be able to have His Spirit with me and feel like I am able to know what I should do to accomplish His will.  In the end, I know He wants me to happy.  But the reason I am so emotional is right now is I feel like I am in a position where I have everything to lose and everything to gain.  I am on the edge and I know that if I keep pressing forward in faith it will all work out... not because I have any control of the situation (which scares me at times) but because I have no other alternative.  I have so much more that I need to improve on.  I have so much more that really I am waiting on... other people and their choices, political red tape, time itself... I am a passionate person and like I said before, I feel like I have everything on the line.  And I know that this isn't the reality... I will be able to move forward no matter the outcome... but this is  how I feel.  And I have never wanted anything more than this.  So I apologize if I am emotional.

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