A Fresh Start

Beginnings... Our life is full of new beginnings.  These monumental moments or events that happen in life that feel as if you have just won the lottery and received a chance to start over... a new chapter and a new page.  Over the time that I have been home from my mission there have been few people who have truly affected me in such a way that could be described as life-changing or life-altering.  I have a lot of amazing friends that I have made at home and at college and a few of them can come close to this.  I have the most wonderful and supportive family any person could ever ask for and for them, I wouldn't put them in this category but I would give them their own and I would call them my foundation.  My family is where I learned to love, what it meant to be loved, where I learned to gain and foster a testimony, and where I learned what it meant to be a brother, a cousin, a nephew, a grandson, and a son.  It was also where I was able to catch a glimpse at what it would mean to be a father but more importantly what it took to be a husband... now that... that would be life-changing.

I have met many different women that I have fallen for or had a crush on but I won't compare them to Tatiana.  I know I have talked about my feelings for her in the past and all I will say here is that even though we aren't perfect and we have our issues like every couple does, we fit.  My feelings and I feel like I can say our feelings have only grown over the time we have known each other.  And now that we keep moving forward to hopefully that day when I can call her my wife, I can see that it isn't the big things but the little ones that I look forward to.  A family is still a family when the total count comes to two.  A home is still home as long as you are coming back to those that miss you and love you while you are away.  We all have our own hopes and dreams and aspirations but if there is anything that the distance between us has continually taught me is that I need to cherish her and every moment we have together as if it was our last.

I want to sing Disney love songs in the car so I can hear her laughing again.  I want to slow dance with her across our kitchen floor so I can have an excuse to hold her.  I want to cook her breakfast and cover it with strawberries and chocolate sauce just so I can see her smile.  There is so much I want to share with her and yet here I am still in Chapter 3 of my life story when all I can think about is skipping ahead to all the good stuff.  I can hardly wait until I can roll over in the morning, brush back her gray hair, all so I can see the wrinkles by her eyes and start to fall in love with her all over again.  I know we need to live in the present so we don't fill our life with a bunch of empty yesterdays, but what if we already feel empty?  What if you feel like you can do so much more with your life and you were meant to do something great?  I sometimes feel like I can be that kind of person.  I feel like I can make a difference.  And I know sometimes the greatest things can happen through the ripples of something very small.  I don't think I can put my finger on one thing in particular... a kiss, a look, a smile, maybe it was a Mentos!  All I know is this is something special and I am learning and I am changing and I am going to find a way to make this work no matter what because I know we are something worth fighting for.

So how do I bring this full circle?  How do I bring this back to the beginning?  Well it starts by closing one chapter and then beginning with something new... something better.  I am done with my old life and the old me.  Now... I am looking at us.  We are about to begin our own fresh start.