The first was the follow-up talk by Brene Brown about her research on shame. It made me ask a few questions: Why do we want to stay small? Why do we think vulnerability is a weakness? What are we afraid of people knowing about ourselves? Vulnerability is emotional risk and uncertainty. "It is our most accurate measurement of courage. To be vulnerable, to let ourselves be seen, to be honest.... Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change."
We are driven by failure. It motivates us to keep going and to work through until we finally succeed. She recites a quote by Theodore Roosevolt called "The Man In The Arena." Fantastic quote... Shame is personal and is a focus on self. It is two statements: "Never good enough" and "Who do you think you are?" It is the difference between I made a mistake, which is guilt, and I am the mistake. The ability to feel and recognize guilt is difficult but healthy and adaptive. Women feel shame in trying to do everything and do it perfectly without people recognizing how hard you work. Men feel shame when they are perceived as being weak... Emotionally, physically, etc. Shame can't survive when we have someone that can say "Me too." Shame dies when someone can show us empathy.
"You show me a woman who can actually sit with a man in real vulnerability and fear, I'll show you a woman who has done incredible work. You show me a man who can sit with a woman who has just had it, she can't do it all any more, and his first response is not 'I UNLOADED THE DISHWASHER!!' but he really listens (because that's all we need), I'll show you a guy who has done a lot of work."The next talk was by Tony Robbins who I first heard of as a life coach when I visited Australia. He sounded like a fascinating individual and when I saw his TED talk online, I thought I should give it a listen and I am glad I did. He gave an interesting talk about personal drivers or motivators we have today, which are generally governed by our emotions or human needs.
Most people say we can't achieve our goals because we didn't have the resources we needed to succeed... knowledge, money, time, technology, management, etc. Robbins says that the true defining factor is RESOURCEFULNESS and not resources. Human emotion... He breaks down into creativity, passion, curiosity, determination, love, resolve, etc. What are we going to be emotional about right now at this time?
The 3 Decisions of Destiny revolve around 3 questions: What am I going to focus on? Focus creates meaning. What does it mean? Meaning creates emotion or causes us to act. What are you going to do? These decisions can shape our lives. Our model of the world shapes our perspective of how we see the world: Needs, Belief System, and Emotions. The 6 Human Needs are:
- Needs of the Personality
- (1) Certainty,
- (2) Uncertainty/Variety,
- (3) Significance,
- (4) Connection/Love,
- Needs of the Spirit
- (5) Growth,
- and (6) Contribute Beyond Ourselves
These needs are all weighted differently for every person and we all have different belief systems. This is why we have so many different people around us. Our perspectives change when we add meaning or emotion to things and this is even more true with those of us who have faced death. The best answer in his opinion is to give our all and serve someone else. Learn to appreciate other people.
These both led me to think a lot about a concept that I feel can be a great driver in many aspects of our lives which is personal accountability. What are you proud of? What are you responsible for? What is the impact that you leave? There is a company called Profiles of Leadership and they focus on how personal accountability can positively affect teams. I feel like if we can combine all these concepts of authenticity and vulnerability, resourcefulness and emotion, and lastly teamwork and accountability, we can become truly great. We can move people and change cultures and society. I will come back to this in the future but I feel like this a great foundation and it is easily connected or parallel to my personal spiritual beliefs as well, which is a great segway back to the beginning... Lunch breaks where I read my scriptures on my smartphone. Thanks TED!
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