Before I get into my thoughts, I am going to talk about my week. Long nights full of assignments, one night of which I didn't sleep at all. I also had my first engineering test which was stressful as anything. Still, I was able to stay on top of things for the most part and today I had what feels like my first big break. Nothing solid as of yet but it was still an opportunity. A week or two ago, I went to a scholarship luncheon and while I was there I randomly ran into someone. The situation was that I saw someone I didn't know so I introduced myself, only to realize before they could respond that this particular individual happened to be the Dean of my college. He had a few laughs over that but once acquainted we talked and I commented on the keynote speaker's address and how I disagreed.
The speaker had cracked a joke that I felt inappropriately portrayed the University as not belonging or being in league with a few other MBA programs. I felt that the speaker's experience showed the exact opposite. He had been given him an opportunity supplied because of the school and he showed that he not only had to compete with Ivy Leagues but because of his success that the Ivy Leagues had to compete with us. We are transforming our school and to do that the institution realized that it had to really invest in its students. That reason alone is why I decided to come here and with that stance, the Dean asked me what my career goals were, I responded that I was interested in management consulting, and then he asked for me to send him my resume and told me that we should schedule a meeting. Today was that meeting and the long and short of it was that before I entered his office I think he had already found a project that he wanted me to work on for him. All I had to do was be myself and ask the right questions and I did. I might get that experience I need after all.
So I came home and did exactly what I said before: veg'd. And it was wonderful. Sometimes productivity doesn't always come in the form of reports and getting ahead in assignments. Sometimes, it comes by relaxing. Go for a walk. Life is serious enough as it is. Slowing down isn't a bad thing when you can center yourself. But I don't want to go through life alone as peaceful as it can be sometimes.
As I watched those movies tonight and I saw the conflict and character development play out, like typical me, I began to insert myself into the story. With all of my logic and analytical thinking, sometimes I feel like I live in the fairytale of my own mind. I have to stop dreaming sometimes and come back to a harsh reality only to realize that the only reason I live here is because I hope for someone that will have the ability to ground me.
First off, I thought I was a nerd. Secondly, she is a babe. The real point here is she is preparing to marry the love of her life and she has yet to realize that he is a schizophrenic. This incredibly brilliant man is going to literally pull her through hell and they will overcome it all because they truly do love each other. At one point when she questions to stay with him or not, he gives her an honest answer to leave him, it is for the best, and she takes the other road and stays. And she says,
"I need to believe, that something extraordinary is possible."
In the movie Trouble With The Curve, the opposite gender has commitment issues. The beautiful Amy Adams has serious daddy issues and with that she continues to push people away, focus on job, and literally makes herself unavailable. And the reason is because to be that way is safe. She won't get hurt like she did in the past. She feels that sometimes it is better to be alone and yet she knows it isn't true. So the question is what is really worth the risk? Why do we feel like we need to believe in something?
God is amazing. He teaches us that we need to act in faith to grow. So there are times where we will be placed in complete darkness with only our own judgment and experiences to guide our choices. We want to wait for confirmation. We want his guidance. We want to be told what to do. However the real reason is that we are afraid. Faith and fear cannot occur together and until we act and choose, we will not grow. It doesn't matter if the choice is right or wrong because we can learn but it is when we cannot decide in the darkness that we are left there. There is a difference though between being paralyzed with fear and having the patience for the best choice to come along. Sometimes fear does not propel us to inaction but to act in misdirection. The hardest part is realizing that at times I am acting out of fear when I feel like I no longer have faith but I know that God does have my best interest in mind and that He will not leave me alone. He believes in us too much. He knows us too well to give up on us. He can see the perfection in the midst of all our imperfection. He knows that the extraordinary is possible.
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