I find human intimacy to be fascinating. It is something that we all need being human. However, we all go about finding it differently depending on the person. There are a lot of people who are scared of it: to think about it, to talk about it, and even some to experience it. And there are some definite and real blessings for waiting for the right time and right person but to let it evade you or avoid it altogether is wrong. Some people have been negatively conditioned to think intimacy is a bad thing. Others have been conditioned to think that intimacy means nothing. And others are taught that it is yours to freely give away when you found "The One."
From my perspective and being no expert, I first and foremost believe that there isn't "The One." There are certainly individuals with whom we are more compatible or rev the engine better than others. There are people we can converse with freely and whose opinions we value higher than the rest. However, there is not a single individual out there that was designed specifically for you alone and if never found lead to a unfulfilled life or a higher potential unattained. "The One" is not someone you find, but it is a relationship and partnership that can be made. A marriage founded on divine principles of fidelity, trust, honesty, and love can last for decades and it never was easy. It took effort. And the spouses would never be happier than with each other because they were able to become a unified whole. They are interdependent. They are strong as individuals because of each other and they are strong as a unit because they have one another.
When we think about the idea or concept of intimacy, some ideas or thoughts should be left in the gutter where they were first created but intimacy in and of itself is beautiful. To have the kind of trust and love and compassion where you know that the other person is solely focused on you and what you are feeling, want, desire, hope for, and are doing everything they can to bring those things to fruition, is true intimacy. The physical aspects of a relationship like that will only cement and bring greater joy and happiness. And the kind of physicality is also dependent on the couple itself. What is inappropriate for one may be appropriate for another but again the purpose behind those actions is to focus on the partnership through focusing on the other person.
However, it is an universal truth that adding outside individuals will create conflict. I had a wonderful individual in my life for a time and she had never felt more betrayed by me and I had never learned a greater lesson than when I disclosed to her that I had told something that she had shared with me in conversation which she thought was private between us with someone else. Only imagine the greater agony she or I would have felt if that line was not drawn to conversation but physical actions. I have been in that dark place and the pain is beyond words and forgiveness given and received afterwards can be nothing less than freedom. But I must caution and warn that condoning is not the same as forgiveness. Forgiveness is not the same as a stamp of approval or permission.
Still, the thing I have realized lately is that I still struggle to determine mutuality. I had a girl that I took out a few nights ago, hug me goodnight. I realized that this hug was very different than from a girl whom I had been friends with for a few years. The latter was a tight embrace and the other was firm but still lacking. Every interaction we make communicates something. The same that is true for an embrace is true for a kiss. Everything has a meaning. I wish more people would be willing to openly communicate so we didn't have to try to read into so many subtle cues. I can't really talk about it because I still don't know what any of it means. But this I do know, I have two little nieces who love me more than anyone I know of outside of my mother. If only there was some woman in my life about 15 years older than them that I knew, I would be all set. Oh well - here is to wishing!
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