He used the analogy that as people separate themselves from us it is natural for us to want to force balance. When one force is moved farther away from the axis of rotation, the balancing force that will balance it out or equalize it will also move farther away from the axis. So as one force goes to an extreme, the other force will go to the opposite extreme. The same goes with people most of the time. However, another way to balance that outward or distancing force is for the "reactionary" force to increase in magnitude or value. Outside of moving to an extreme, there is the option to choose instead to become more "steadfast and immovable" and keep our ground, like a rock in the middle of a river.
If you look at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, there is a reason why it chooses to not "take a stance" on a lot of subjects. We have taken a stance in fact and for the most part what that is would be that our stance as a church hasn't changed. This is not standard. There are times when that hasn't been the case but for the most part it is amazing how consistent those standards have been.
This comment sparked a separate private conversation with my friend. I have specific personality issues with certain individuals in my MBA program but for the most part it isn't common. In fact, I get along with most people but for whatever reason, I don't click with these individuals. It isn't surprising but it still concerned me because I don't want to judge them or use them as examples of people who aren't acceptable in conversation. The answer to how to solve the temptation of doing that is the hardest thing to do. I need to get to know that person. And it doesn't mind how high the walls are for them because usually as my friend so eloquently put it:
"People with the highest walls have the least hidden behind them. Usually those that put up a wall are compensating for some insecurity or weakness. We all do it. So if I want to solve this issue, the easiest way to get over a high wall is to go through it by way of casually knocking on the front door."Typically, the little things solve the biggest problems. I thought it was pretty profound advice.
This is also the same individual that helped me see my own personal brand: No boundaries. I am the kind of person that can approach or is approachable to anyone. I have no walls so thinking outside of the box comes naturally for me. Nothing is out of my reach and if there is something I want bad enough then I will find a way to get there. If I was a home, he said I would be the kind without a fence, door open, you would be curious to come inside because of the happy voices and loud laughter, and if you did investigate the first thing that would happen would you be asked where you have been, get a hug, and be asked if you were hungry. I don't think that is too shabby.
Still, not all criticism should be or would be invited if it was just good. I didn't ask for advice to just get "positive" feedback. Sometimes I can come off arrogant. And arrogance perceived in multiple dimensions - some good and some bad. For example, in my classes there may be times where I don't understand something and I will start off by saying something like, "I have a background in engineering but I have a question..." What I am trying to say is really something like, "Since my background is not helpful at all and I am unfamiliar with this particular topic, I need some help understanding this concept. My question is..." I struggle admitting a weakness in a public setting and making myself vulnerable. And it is a subconscious thing because if asked, I know I am not the smartest person in the room, the most talented, but at the same time I know I am not the lowest peg on the totem pole. The issue is I shouldn't have to feel like I need to establish that fact but I should let my performance should speak for itself.
Another form of arrogance is that when I talk to people I treat others differently depending on whether or not I feel like they have something I want. An example would be at a meeting we had today. We were at a networking workshop and the presenters were very successful and very personable. One of them was a management consultant and I had been curious about finding a mentor to help me in finding an internship, comparing options, or even possibly giving me the option of shadowing for a day. This particular individual seemed interesting and so I asked my question as a situational example:
"I know we have talked about networking and building personal connections with people but there has to be a difference between that kind of relationship and what would create an opportunity to establish a mentoring relationship. Say for instance that I want Mr. Amazing to be my mentor. He is a successful management consultant entrepreneur and I am pursuing a career in consulting. Would I ask the same kinds of questions? How did you get started? What first interested you in consulting? What do you love about your job? When or how do I transition that into a possible mentoring relationship?"It was obviously a very pointed and targeted question and once asked, Mr. Amazing immediately walked over gave me a business card, told me when he was free to set up an appointment to call him, and asked me to connect to him on LinkedIn. All it took was 30 seconds and I had what I wanted from him by selling my value. I am a salesman and I knew that if I could show that we both had an opportunity here then it was possible that I would succeed in getting what I wanted. Afterwards, I said how much I appreciated that and schmoozed a little more but it was obvious of exactly what I was trying to do and my bold attitude paid off. A few other examples of my salesmanship came up during the Career Fair.
I had some really good introductions with a few different companies and I feel like I have the possibility of finding an internship. However, I am struggling whether any old internship will do for this summer or if I really need to focus my efforts on consulting and pursue that hard. These opportunities were mainly just engineering and project management positions. Still, the sales part of the process came twofold. I followed the director of the business program's suggestion and went back twice to each company I was interested in, even the ones that didn't seem totally interested in me.
One of those companies in particular had refused my resume the first go around and a friend told me that when he did recruiting and rejected taking a resume and said to apply online, it was because they weren't interested. I went back to that company and this time asked and prefacing it with the fact that I didn't know if it was appropriate or not, what they were looking for in an ideal candidate and afterwards what they thought I could do to improve my resume. As soon as I passed them my resume physically, they kept it. Putting it in their hands was key. Sales. I don't know if putting it under the table it was going straight to review or to the trash but it was a good thing they took it.
At another booth, the interview went really well. By this point, I had my creative-and-quick-on-my-feet hat on and so at the end of our talk the recruiter told me that I should take one of his free "tradeshow gadgets" from his booth. I call it that because whenever my dad came home from tradeshows he would bring home all these cool little stupid stuff that was covered in ads and completely useless. Not really useless but over advertised practical things like a shirt or a pen or a highlighter. Still, it is cool because it was free. However, my response to that recruiter was that although I would love one of his free gizmos, I would prefer to get a free personal business card. He didn't have one on him unfortunately but he did slide me his personal email address so that definitely was worth asking for! I thought that was pretty cool.
There are ways that arrogance can be good and it can be bad. It is important to minimize the bad and accentuate the good, which is true too when it comes to people. We shouldn't discount or ignore our faults or weakness but we ought to magnify the good. We should try to help others improve. From these conversations, I promised that I would accept the challenge to talk to someone solely for the purpose of helping them instead of exchanging when there is something I want. I should try and give them the opportunity to offer up that piece of information, contact, or opportunity freely. Still, there were a lot of takeaways I had from these discussions.
I think it is important to know what kinds of first impression I leave just because first impressions are always important, especially when it comes to interviews. I feel like you should represent yourself well and you should be genuine. I don't want to come off cocky but confident. I don't want to be a know-it-all or inept but I want to be intelligent. I don't want to come off power hungry but a natural leader. I don't want to be a follower but a team player. In the end, I feel that feedback and criticism are important and should be readily invited. I know I have things I need to improve on. I feel like I am pretty self-aware. But I want to know where I can improve even when I may not notice.
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