I feel like when you are a person like me you are not technically lost or broken but in trying to describe myself I feel like I live for others and many times not for myself. I don't feel like living for yourself is very fulfilling. My mission changed that in me. I feel like the greatest happiness and purpose can be found in sacrificing for the greater good and loving others regardless if they deserve it or not because of what they do but we all deserve love simply by who and what we are as human beings and immortal sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father. I feel like love can be shown in different ways and sometimes in ways we don't understand. Sometimes letting others feel or experience pain is a form of love, letting them learn, helping them grow, and allowing them time to heal.
I want to run to people, to help them, but at times it is more important for them to learn to help themselves. The reason why I choose to go by my middle name as a pen name is because in some small way I want to try to live up to the man who I was named after. I want to live a life worth remembering. That doesn't mean I need to be extraordinary or do something amazing, miraculous, or wonderful. I just need to be consistent in helping the people around me feel that they can be something special. Our minds are an amazing thing. We think that there are things that we can and can not do and because we think that, it becomes so. If we just realized that we can do anything and that nothing is impossible, our world would be forever changed and the kinds of creativity and innovation that would spawn would be amazing. I want to live a life worth remembering by not letting a person slip by feeling like they are not worth something. I want to help others feel happiness and joy in their life. I want to show people that circumstances do not define us as people but who we are is defined by the perspective, choices, and moral integrity and character we possess and express at all times in our lives. There is truth in the idea of taking life one day at a time.
The thing is that we have to accept imperfection. God does. How frustrating it must be for a Perfect Being to have to work with imperfection constantly unless of course He is able to see the perfection in what may appear to be chaos. We will always need one more chance. I am not saying that we are addicted and unable to overcome temptation or the things that befall or tempt us. It is that once we have become strong enough there will be something else that we will need to do. There will always be something for us to overcome and more importantly become in mortality. So if we can accept that we are all in this fight together then we need to accept and try to see each other as God sees us, on the pathway to perfection. Darkness will always follow the light but it will never and can never be stronger than it. Our choice to do the right thing will always be clouded and opposed but nothing can ever take away our ability to choose unless we give away that power. We are always stronger.
Obviously, my thoughts can get away from me at times and although I may believe many things, it does not mean that I am not tempted in feeling that I am alone. God never intended for us to be alone and we never truly are. In times of despair, fear, regret, or loneliness, we can call on Him and He will come to our aid. We need only turn to Him and we will see He was there waiting the whole time. But even then, God made Adam and Eve to complete each other and cleave to one another as two parts that together create a whole. We are incomplete without each other. God intended that He in that partnership between man and woman would sanctify that relationship and give it His blessing, protection, and even power so that we might comprehend and taste heaven on earth.
This returns my thought again to my feelings of late of being un-found. It is not that I am lost searching for my other half. A soul mate is not found. It is made. A relationship where two souls have come together and begin to create from two incomplete parts a cohesive pair comes from spending time grinding out the differences and smoothing out the strengths and weaknesses that each member offers individually. In turn, they can become a strong, supportive, single unit. They work together as if they were designed for one another when in reality, they became so. But again I feel like I know individuals that I would be willing to spend the time and effort to create a relationship and hopefully a lasting relationship with. However, the only way this process will work is if both parties want to come together. And that, I haven't found.
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