Down the Rabbit Hole

I have always thought that the phrase falling in love was funny. It made me think of different cartoons that I watched when I was kid where little hearts came out of someone's eyes and floated up like balloons or when Thumper gets twitter patted during the movie Bambi. I always thought it was kind of ridiculous and then it happened to some of my friends. I have one friend who lives in Arizona. Growing up he was the personification of machismo. He was recognized for his athleticism, super popular in school, and basically was a great kid on all fronts. He meets a girl during college and now the types of things he posts on Facebook about his wife would make a Hallmark card embarrassed and he does it all the time! He isn't the only one either! I have a long list of "whipped" friends who are so caught up in their relationships that at times it can almost make you gag. How did this happen?

Simply put, they fell down the rabbit hole. You find something or someone that peaks your curiosity and eventually as you continue to observe and watch and follow it, you suddenly find that you tripped and fell and there you are falling down into this world where nothing makes any sense. I can describe it this way because I feel like it has happened to me before and I am sure it will happen to me again. Even recently, I have had a similar experience.

I began messaging a girl that had a few questions about the church I attend that had recently moved into the area. At first I was simply answering questions and giving a general description about our congregation but then the conversation continued. And it continued. And then little did I realize how much we ended up talking about and I decided I should meet this girl so I found a way to do that and I did. The more time I spent with her, getting to know her, and sharing experiences with her, the more I was impressed and intrigued by her. She has so many amazing qualities and characteristics that I admire and look for that I was surprised to have also found them all wrapped up in such a cute little package. I found myself losing track of time when I was around her. I would drive for a hour just to see her. I smile just thinking about her and all I want is for her to be happy.

Then I realized where I was and what I was doing. I was falling. How long had I actually gotten to know her? How much time had I actually spent with her? And how much time had I spent without her? Did she have anyone to compare me to? I suddenly began to see and hear all of these questions come pouring into my mind that I hadn't stopped to consider because I had simply begun to fall. Is it really mutual? What's the point? Am I going to screw it up? Is it going to work out? But then the last question and the only one that really matters came to mind: Is she worth it? And as unexpectedly as the fall began, you begin to embrace it for what it is. It is simply the cost or sacrifice of finding out if things are real. So am I in love? It is hard to say but I am definitely at least heading in that direction.

Still, I have been down the rabbit hole before and in the past I have been crushed pretty hard. How did that happen? Well, I chose to simply free fall to the bottom and hoped that I wouldn't splat on the ground at the bottom because somehow she would catch me. I trusted someone that I didn't truly know. But is that wrong? Is it wrong to put your trust in people? I don't think so but I would clearly prefer to instead have a controlled fall and slow it down a bit by throwing out the parachute somewhere along the way. So I am falling and still looking to see where this will go and what will happen in the end, but this time I am also trying to slow down enough so I can truly understand who I am falling for.