Waking Up

The mind likes to play games with us. It takes our desires and filters all of our thoughts through them and then I like to think about them, some more than others. After I have observed the people around me, their actions, interactions with me and others, and think about what other people say... I become a mental mess when it comes to over analyzing. However, I want to illustrate how my mind likes to use this to design my dreams.

I am a social person. At work, I love to sit in groups of people and talk about life as I am performing my due diligence and plugging along on a project. I love to talk with people, message people, and be friendly with strangers. I like to have conversations with people so I can try and understand their train of thought and experiences. I love a good story. One of my greatest desires that I think I have is that I want to come home to someone. I don't like to be alone even when I am home. I want to spend quality time with that person, talk and laugh, travel, go out, stay in, and I genuinely want that person to be some I could trust with anything... A best friend. It would also help to be of the opposite gender and that we were married - I want that in my life.

So when I am just working on things alone or I am exhausted and need time to rest, my mind tends to wander. And because that desire is core to everything I want and something that motivates me. Although I have no control over it whatsoever, it is where my mind will run to. And it isn't a negative place when I am alone. It is a hopeful one where I imagine what it would be like to spend time or have the relationship that I wish I had in my life with another person. The irony and cruelty of the mind is that with all our creativity, it can only use ideas, thoughts, or images that you have already seen somewhere in your consciousness. It can create new connections or relationships in our dreams but with people we already know or have seen. In our mind, we can dream about relationships from our past or ones that we hope to have in the future.

The thing I find encouraging is that no matter what my mind conceives, the dreams and images are pure. They are clean. Thoughts of time spent together, dates or spending time with friends or family, or maybe even having a future family and what that would be like. I imagine us spending a weekend out with friends at someone's house or cabin, being on a road trip, exploring some shops along a coast or even playing games with my family. I put how I would imagine they would act like or behave. The cruel part is when there comes a point in my dream where I notice the "nature of the dream" and realize that it isn't reality. Then I am faced with a choice to control the dream from then on out although it has lost its savor of feeling real or accept that I am single and alone.

The only good way of dealing with your dreams is to have the courage to try and make them a reality. Act on your dreams and take the chance. The worst thing you can have happen if they don't come true is to find a new dream.