Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Progression in Relationships

I have been having a set of interesting thoughts and conversations lately when it comes to dating. I have a close friend of mine who recently went through a divorce. It was over so fast I didn't realize it had happened to be honest and his wife had changed so much her parents apologized to him and still want him in the family regardless. I don't think that is going to happen but it was a nice way to apologize. Still, the fun part being back in the dating game is upon him. He has spent time with a few different girls that family friends have introduced him to but he is still in a stage where things are weird. He wants to walk up behind the girl and hug her but his first thought is that this isn't his wife. A girl gives him a tight hug and squeezes his sides and he thinks well that's new! He is still a bit fresh to say the least.


The catch is that he has met a girl who he and she both had gotten out of serious relationships recently (nothing is more serious than marriage so his was much more in comparison) and so they were only spending time together as friends. In fact, he didn't find her especially attractive at first. And those are typically my last words as well... "At first." So now he is at a crossroads were things can get awkward because he is starting to have feelings for her but he also is obviously not over his ex-wife. What to do? The only advice I can give is to be honest. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with her. Say what your frustrations are, your feelings, what you want to do, but be careful because you have no control over how she will react. I personally am not as careful as I should be and I typically say everything but maybe that will change in time. But here is our mutual problem that he and I both share: Progression in a relationship.

Every relationship that we make with people starts somewhere. We are strangers and acquaintances. We have a few conversations and interact more and eventually we become friends. Sometimes that last particular piece is hard for me because I overthink things and I get ahead in my head. Honestly if I can just be decisive, confident, and PATIENT, I think I would have had things figured out by now. Oh well... But for most people, we get to know each other through conversation and shared experiences. We begin to develop a depth of feelings for the other person, we share more of our personality, we sacrifice our time and make an effort to spend time and help that other person feel unique and special.

One of the most amazing things I think that is present in relationships is intimacy. It is physical. It is emotional. It is mental, spiritual, and psychological. Intimacy is trusting someone to the degree where you come as you are and every act is shared, purposeful, and for a shared experience. I feel like intimacy is the process where we become unified as couples in every way. It is the raw. It is the unaltered truth. It is both the fear as well as the support. It is the pain and the pleasure. It is the sorrow and the joy. True vulnerability of being able to say that you not only need that person but you want no one else. It is the completion of yourself.

But this leads to a different idea of are we capable of being complete by ourselves? Is there a way that we progress in our relationship with ourselves? Is there a purpose in our need for companionship? What value does it bring? And when it does come to talking about ourselves, how will we be measured? How will we be remembered?


Clay Christiansen is one of my favorite businessmen that I have gotten to hear in my lifetime. His books are extraordinary and I feel like this talk does an amazing job at identifying the difference between immediate evidences of achievement and investing in long-lasting sources of happiness as well as the way that our lives are measured are by how well we helped other people be better people.

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