Living in the Moment

I always over analyze. I always over think. I am trying to change that by focusing on living more in the moment. The past is the past and the future is made of the choices we make right now. We don't have to wait for the future because the future is inevitable. I'm working on putting all my strategies and plans aside and trying to simply listen and choose. It's hard for me because I already have an idea of what I want my life to look like and each time I look back to see how that is coming along, it is so different from what my life really is. I wanted to be a young dad. I wanted to be married. I wanted to be able to have someone that I can talk with, laugh with, and be myself with at any moment. I wanted to have a solid career where I was making enough money that I could travel with my family. I wanted a career around helping people to become more successful. All of these things are still possible but I really have no idea on where to begin in how to get to where I want to be and to do what I want do.

Life is already a blur as it is. My days seem to slip past me as I try to fill them with good things. But if all I do is think of what could happen then I miss out on what is happening around me. I want to help people. I want to love people. I want to be loved. And the only person stopping me from doing those things is me. I feel like it is my fear of the unknown that stops me. I don't know how people will respond. I don't know if they will ignore me. I am afraid of going back to being just a face in the crowd. I want to be somebody's source of happiness. I used to be afraid of a lot of things: heights, needles, talking to women, and meeting new people. I still have issues with going to parties with big groups, dancing and singing in public, and being alone. So instead of letting these things slow me down, I want to look less for the things that aren't happening in my life and to look for more of the little things that will help me to enjoy the journey.

"Anyone that imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time journey... delays, side tracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas, and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." - Gordon B. Hinckley