I have been thinking a lot the last couple of days about the New Year and everything that entails. Sometimes I will comply with the whole New Year's tradition of resolutions and making goals and everything. It is good to have goals and things to shoot for and even though I kinda have some of those... This year is going to be different. It is unavoidable. I have a college graduation in April when I will be getting my Bachelor's in Mechanical Engineering from BYU. The complication with that is my plans for this summer... There aren't any. Well, at least no firm plans that is. We have a family vacation planned but besides that there are too many things that are still up in the air for my liking.
I am trying to get into graduate school and have finished my application to two dual Master's programs. This means that if I am accepted I will graduate from one of those programs with two Master's degrees: a MBA and a MS in Engineering. I have applied to both BYU (3 year program) and to the University of Utah (2 year). In all honesty, I would really like to go to either but currently I am leaning more towards the U of U. I always like to have a little bit of change here and there and I think after 5 years in Provo I am ready for something new. The quandary I have is that BYU would push up my enrollment if I was accepted from next Fall to starting immediately after my graduation in April, meanwhile the U of U would have me start in the Fall but I would need to spend the summer in Utah to get instate tuition. I don't know what to do for a job situation to pay for that. I think it would be fun to be a EFY counselor if I could so I will probably start looking into that sooner rather than later but who knows? Outside of that, my only backup plan for this summer would be that I might move to my brother's home if money gets tight and jobs are scarce for a little bit.
When I think about this last year, there is a lot that I learned and a lot that I feel like I have left to do. I am somewhere still at the beginning of my journey and I still feel so old. I definitely have had many life experiences so far that I can look back on that help me appreciate what I have and what I hope to have. There are also a lot that I hope to improve on, mostly in a spiritual sense. Socially, I found a really interesting link that I will soon write a post about that I feel really describes me and why I think I am not really as odd as I sometimes feel. I had been trying really hard this last semester to really stay on top of myself and keep going to the temple as much as I could but it slackened. I tried to get my sister to come with me since she happened to be out at school with me but it never happened. I should have gone by myself and I will end up doing that more next semester but I really was disappointed but I hope that will change. Especially now that her boyfriend is coming out west for school too. It is up to her but I need to step up my game for myself, as an example, and for my family.
But I was thinking about my sister and her friends a little bit today. She had a group of them over for a little party she was throwing now that we are all back in New Hampshire for the holidays. It was weird because some of them avoided me and I realized that they didn't really know me all that well. It got me thinking that it is probably the same thing with my sisters. They probably don't know me all too well. I was on my mission when my sisters were just getting into high school and then during the rest I was out at college. So this whole last semester was really nice being able to just spend time with her here and there. It is interesting though because as I was getting to know my sister, I was getting to know myself. If there is one thing I know, it is that only on occasion is it a good thing for me to get lost in my own thoughts.
This last year was a year when I loved more stronger and deeply than I have in my own life. I have never been more hurt or cried as long as I have this year than ever before. I have pushed myself to do things that I didn't think was possible. I saw more miracles as of late than I have in a long time. I have been more spiritually in-tune than I have in a long while and I have never been more low either. It has been a year of ups and downs. I was fired for the first time. I was engaged to my first real love. I traveled half way round the world and saw things I didn't know I would ever see. I tried new things, met new people, and hopefully made lifelong friends. I never thought it was possible to feel so loved and so alone at the same time. It definitely was a year of ups and downs and the only reason I have been able to make it through with some reasonable direction and purpose is because of the gospel and my Savior, Jesus Christ.
If it wasn't for my faith, I do not think I would have been able to overcome the more difficult things I had to face. The thoughts that fill my mind most frequently are how my future is unknown and how I must continue to focus on the present. I have to trust that things will get better and that if I focus on the little things and on the people around me, God will guide me and He wants to bless me and my loved ones. Don't give up. Don't give in. It is just as simple as learning to trust Him and have faith in His plan. I have to do as I always have done and continue to push forward. I am just grateful that I have good friends and good family behind me.
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