Friday, December 28, 2012

Lying to Myself

The nicest thing about being home for Christmas is family. Any drama that occurs is created by my siblings and all their friends here at home but I typically don't bring much if any drama with me.  Still, being home is a great way to relax because it gives me time to think and reassess how things in my life are progressing.  Again, school is going great and hopefully I am on my way to grad school once my recommendations are all in.  Religiously... I could be doing a lot better. And socially... I think I have finally come to terms with what my family has been saying all along is my real issue: I am too forgiving.



Maybe it is the fact that I always feel like I fall short myself and it is so hard to make headway in my life.  Maybe I do have issues with self-esteem.  Maybe it is a higher road than that, I want to forgive others because I too want to be forgiven.  Maybe I give people too many chances because I wish that if I love others they might love me back in return.  I don't know what my reasons are and I don't know why it has taken me so long but I want to change.  I need to pick myself up spiritually and socially.  I need to work out my issues and my problems and face the facts.  I need to start exercising and spending time to make myself stronger.  It is not a bad thing to give people the benefit of the doubt if they actually deserve it but it is another thing to lie to myself wishing that people were more blunt and honest with how they really feel when I know what they are really trying to say.  It is time to cut the crap and be me.  Time to grow up.  Time to become who I need to be.

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