Timing is Ridiculous...

I can't think of a year when I haven't met a fantastic girl at the very end of the semester and just pray and hope she is still there when I get back. Don't get me wrong... I know plenty of amazing women already in my life but it always seems that there is something that acts like a monkey wrench. Whether it is poor timing, like in this case, stuck in the friend zone, or just neither of us took the initiative to act. There is always something.

Back to the matter at hand... The odd thing is that even though I date plenty, this is the first time in a long time where I was asking a complete stranger for her phone number. I don't know why I was so nervous and why I kept asking questions afterwards but I just hope it wasn't fake and that I hear back from her. Is that weird that guys and girls alike get nervous when it comes to messages? I can't think of one of my friends who wasn't nervous when they had to wait for a response from someone they were genuinely interested in. It isn't like whatever happens is going to kill us or ruin us for life, but there is something about the waiting and the anticipation that just causes you to continually have that small part of your brain that is assigned to cell phones, open and waiting to hear the ring or vibration of their answer. I don't mean the type of nervousness that makes you sweat but the type that you just can't get rid of, the one right below the surface. You might look like you are continuing on with your day as normal but you are really right on the edge of your seat just waiting for the call to come in. I don't think it was because she was exceptionally pretty (she wasn't... she was stunningly beautiful and modest), the fact that she was well traveled, cultured, but down to earth. It wasn't that she seemed genuine in the fact that she continued to ask questions between periods of silent studying. It was more like that it seemed effortless and it just felt like it fit.

I don't know why I feel like I need this blog to express myself. Maybe it is because I think too much or maybe because I am just that pathetic (sarcasm here... sarcasm). Really I am a pretty good guy, a gentleman of sorts. I buy flowers for my friends when they are having a rough day, listen to a story of broken and lonely hearts, but on the flip side of that coin, I am unpredictable and spontaneous. I remember a last year there was a Family Home Evening activity I went to and there were notices passed out to surprise a girl for her birthday. None of the men who got a notice knew her so that made the whole plan that much better. There was one guy for every year old she was and while she was teaching at her elementary school, they would come in and give her a birthday wish one at a time every few minutes. I was the last guy on the list and some of the guys sang to her, danced, brought her a rose, etc. I however wanted to really surprise her so I snuck into the room, squatted down and joined the rest of the kids in the classroom activity. There were kids in a line and they would walk up to the front of the room and gave her some sort of object. I decided to get in the back of the line and crept up to the front, making faces at the other kids who noticed to keep my presence as a secret. By the time I got to the front, she looked up, took a small double take out of surprise, and then I gave her the rose, whispered "Happy Birthday" loud enough for all the kids to hear and then kissed her softly on the cheek. She immediately turned bright red and hid her face in her hands while I stepped back and covered my mouth in a surprised but teasing way. The kids all ooohed and aahhed and laughed and before I left I looked back to see her smiling at me as I was closing the door. I flashed a smile and gave her a wink and walked out feeling like a thousand bucks.

The point I am trying to make is that all of my friends are getting married and engaged and there I am just trying to be a friend and make people happy. I don't know why I thought of that story as I was walking to classes today. Maybe it was the fact that yesterday my cousin asked when was the last time I kissed someone was and I had to admit that it had been over a year. I just hope it is like learning how to ride a bike, but the point was that I have been changing and trying to be patient, trying to be sincere, and trying to just be myself. I just don't know why I can't meet people in better circumstances: Random strangers with not enough time to make a serious impression, friends with no intentions of being anything else, or the invisible secret admirer. All I know is that the only way to see if things are really going to change at all is to wait and see what happens. But it wouldn't matter if I had all the patience in the world, it still doesn't change the fact that the timing is ridiculous and I don't know if these butterflies will ever leave.