Wondering Where You Are

When I finally get a moment to myself, my first thought is of you. I am wondering if you are happy. I wonder where you are. Who are you with? Are you laughing? What would it be like if I was there with you? Would I finally meet your family? Would we hang out with some of your friends? Would you look up at me from across the room? Would our eyes meet? Would you hold my hand? When will you finally let me inside? Do you ever think of me? Will you remember when I am gone?

I wish I could tell you what you mean to me but even having a brief conversation with you in itself sometimes feels it is a success. I wish more than anything that I had the chance to show you. I would be the kind of man who would bring you flowers. I would want to protect you from the rain. I would want to lift you up when you are in pain. I would hold you day and night. I would forget time as I held you in my embrace. Will we be able to heal each other? Will you give us a chance?

Honestly, the number of times that thoughts and questions like these have gone through my head are far too many to count. A lot of my friends think I can approach and talk with just about anyone which is true to a point. There are so many other things that I wish I could have said. Still, I have learned a lot about myself and about others. Here is a great way that I have seen it described before:

"Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times. 

"Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.

"Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve.

"And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

"And when you're through with all that, you will learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most. But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved."

 I remember when each of those experiences happened for me. I remember their names. I remember the exquisite pain and joys attributed to each relationship. Sometimes you can't help but have a memory or two slip back into your mind as you watch with great fondness and sadness as the story plays out in front of you. The hardest part of falling into love is when gravity continues to pull on you until the point that you fall out of love.

I hope that my next relationship is one that is Falling Up. I hope it grows. I know that it will take work, effort, creativity and sacrifice. I know that it will push me to places I haven't been before - they always do. But I hope that whenever and whoever it is that crosses my path treads carefully because I have laid across the ground all of my hopes and dreams.