Why We're All Still Single

I read an article lately that was truly cynical about the dating habits of my generation. I feel like lately I can sincerely relate. I may not see or have experience with all the same things he mentions but I do have experience with a few different things. I will quickly relate parts of his argument and then follow it up with a few brief questions of my own.

"According to data released by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 50.2% of Americans 16 years and older are single.

"In a report aptly titled 'Selfies,' economist Edward Yardeni points out that there are more single Americans right now than at any other time. Yardeni noted that half of American adults are not married, compared to the 37.4% in 1976.

"He also reported that young adults, compared to their predecessors, are more likely to rent a home than own one, and never-married young adults are less likely to have children.

"We're bucking the trend and it should feel good. But sometimes it doesn't. We're constantly comparing our lives to that of our parents' at our age, and that needs to stop.

"Because as outdated as those years without internet and cell phones are, so is the dating culture of the baby boomers and their predecessors. You can't compare the technology of different times, so why do you think you can compare the social culture?

"We don't just live in another time, but on another screen. We the children of technology, the daughters and sons of the boom.

"We're worried about shattered iPhones more than ruined relationships. We don't need to go out to movies when we Netflix. We don't need anyone because we're perfectly content with ourselves.

"So for all of you surprised with the new, here's just 71 reasons we're all single:

1. Because it's so much easier to go home with Netflix.
2. Because you'd rather send 140 characters than say three words.
3. Because we're all just another swipe.
4. Because we can't talk without alcohol on our breath.
5. Because we have our real face and then our Facebook.
6. Because there's always somebody better looking on Instagram.
7. Because nude photos.
8. Because you'd rather not find out three dates and $500 later they actually suck.
9. Because careers are more important right now.
10. Because you can't commit to finish a book, let alone finishing someone else's love story.
11. Because your Seamless account doesn't talk back.
12. Because we love our selfies more than anyone else.
13. Because you'd rather go out with your friends Friday night.
14. Because we'd have to make it Facebook official.
15. Because we'll never be Jay and Bey.
16. Because we don't want to admit our parents were right.
17. Because you don't want to date someone who's not gonna be your last.
18. Because GAMES.
19. Because he'll never look like Tom Brady.
20. Because she'll never look like Giselle.
21. Because you don't want anyone to know how much "Game of Thrones" you actually watch.
22. Because we're holding out for something better.
23. Because you like your bed the way it is... with just you in it.
24. Because filters.
25. Because no one's taking you to brunch.
26. Because dates are a 2 am text.
27. Because it's easy to hide behind a screen.
28. Because you don't even know who you are.
29. Because you don't have a job.
30. Because the only self-analysis you've ever done is your "about me" section on your OKCupid profile.
31. Because dinner is awkward.
32. Because you won't put your cell phone down.
33. Because you don't like to compromise.
34. Because casual sex.
35. Because your pride.
36. Because there's no reason to commit to one when we can have them all.
37. Because Snapchats have replaced real chats.
38. Because our sex will never be like "50 Shades of Grey."
39. Because sweatpants.
40. Because we don't feel like shaving.
41. Because shower sex doesn't actually work.
42. Because our exes won't stop contacting us... on some sort of social media.
43. Because there's never just one.
44. Because no one likes to watch the same TV shows as you.
45. Because we drink too much.
46. Because we value our alone time.
47. Because we don't like to be bothered with out problems.
48. Because a lot of people are crazy.
49. Because you'll never love anyone else as much as you love yourself.
50. Because ordering for two on Seamless is more than our weekly budget allows.
51. Because we've been hurt before.
52. Because splitting the check is awkward.
53. Because we're living at home.
54. Because the thought of "getting to know someone" means asking and answering questions - and ain't nobody got time for that.
55. Because it's harder to get into the club as a couple.
56. Because we know it's just going to end.
57. Because marriage makes us want to throw up.
58. Because we're no longer scared of being alone.
59. Because there is always something about them you don't like.
60. Because no one is worth introducing to mom.
61. Because it'll happen someday.
62. Because you don't want to subject anyone to your family's version of Thanksgiving.
63. Because you have you. (And most days, even that's too much to handle.)
64. Because porn.
65. Because there's always a new "Grand Theft Auto."
66. Because no one wants to use a condom.
67. Because no one know what they want.
68. Because timing is never right.
69. Because it's easier to just stop texting.
70. Because sitting on the couch without pants while watching reruns of "Bob's Burgers" is a little awkward once you throw someone else into the mix.
71. Because we have our lives to be committed.

Like I said before, I can't relate with most of these. In fact some of them, I have never done or have no idea what they are even talking about. So why do I post such a ridiculous list? It shows our generation's reliance on technology and how this has been a crutch and a curse to the point that we don't even know where to begin when it comes to forming a relationship or what a healthy relationship would even look like.

 



We dream of romance and the courtship and intimacy in communication and relationships that are now things of the past and works of modern day fiction. We can barely connect feelings to actions and speaking of them is taboo, especially with the person that we have feelings for. We want to self-reliant and not co-dependent. We have forgotten that relationships aren't about independence or dependence but interdependence. We feel like we have to change for someone and not with someone. We forget what it was that made us like someone in the first place.

"When you start to really know someone, all his physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in his energy, recognize the scent of his skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That's why you can't fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and body but not your heart. And that's why when you really connect with a person's inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant." - Lisa Unger

 We have become a hang out culture and lack the confidence and the commitment to make a real connection. "Dating" has become a word we have to avoid or a smorgasbord of people who we use as play things or contestants competing for out time and attention instead. What happened to our imaginations, our creativity, our passion, and our ability to think and feel? Have we become so desensitized through entertainment and careers that we don't have time any more? Do we expect to have time once we are out of college? What comes after college? Work! Honestly, when you are in school is the perfect time to get to know people and date.

The number of people who have told me or "reminded me" that we can only hang out as friends has been far too many. I completely understand the concept of hanging out... It is non-committal and you can only do it with friends and friends with benefits. If you want to be in a relationship you ask people out on dates but everyone is too afraid of that concept to give it a chance. Facebook, Tinder, and OKCupid all kill relationships more than they create them. I don't need my friends commentary or approval. I don't need to give them a play-by-play. It is okay to date and break up with good people. It is okay to just be friends with people. But when we forget that we are talking about people and that we aren't talking about things then we will never love someone. Marriage takes work. Relationships take work. Dating takes work. If your relationships just seem to happen to fall into place or you just fell in love, when you don't put in every effort to show exactly how much your partner means to you then it is likely you or they will fall out of love as well. Relationships as well as things that require nothing, mean nothing.

Sacrifice... Letting yourself be vulnerable... Putting yourself out there... Telling someone how you really feel... I grew up being shy and quiet. I know these things require courage and a lot of effort. But as much as we love being alone, do we really love that no one is there to love us, care for us, or allows us to share and show those emotions either? The reason why we are single is we care about only one single person... Ourselves.