Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Conviction Versus Conformity

I was talking with some friends today and we had an interesting conversation about what are our pasts. I'm not talking about discussing relationships or events or mistakes but the idea of why we think of time as past, present, and future. The simple answer is that the past does not exist but it is the way our minds cope with change. Our reality consists of the present. The future is how if it were possible, the life we would hope or can see ourselves living. And yet to the same extent that our past is us coping with what has happened, our futures are us trying to cope with a future that is always changing. The idea was that we have no control over change but I don't believe that. We can choose to allow that to happen. We have control. We can choose to act or be acted upon but we have control.

Even though people have told me from time to time that I have chosen to give up my agency to follow someone else, the leaders in my faith, this is not the case. There is a difference between conviction and conformity. I believe in my faith. I study my faith. I choose my faith. I am the type of person that will cuss with the sinners and pray with the saints. I won't judge you but accept you for who you are as long as you respect me and my beliefs in return. One thing that I am working on however is living more in the present instead of focusing on my future goals. I just finished rereading "The Alchemist" over the long 4th of July weekend and I could see how I sometimes forget to see the signs in the world around me, do the basics and let God make up the rest, and I get so easily lost in the details instead of accepting and living the simple truths.

I try to hard to make things happen because I am too impatient for things to run their course. I hope that the people that I love understand me well enough to forgive this shortcoming that I have because I truly only want to be happy and help others to be happy too. I want to be the kind of person that helps people not because I can but because I am willing. I want to fall in love with my best friend over and over and over again. I want to help people achieve their dreams. A friend told me tonight that I am the kind of person that is self reflective enough and knows myself well enough that I know what I will want when I see it. I feel like that although that may be true, I can't expect the same from the people around me so I have to be patient. I am willing to sacrifice for people and for my dreams. I am willing to risk a lot to see them realized. Passion is what helps propel you to do amazing things and to experience life at its fullest.


Why is my life unique and why do crazy things always seem to happen to me? I look at the things that are most important to me "and when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." I trust that God will help me when I make the leap or at least that he will help pick me up when I fall. Either way, it doesn't feel wrong being alone. I feel at peace with who I am and where I am heading in life. I feel like I am at peace with God. I am simply living my life and trying to be the happiest and healthiest version of me that I can be. And if someone comes along that gives my life even more meaning, the only thing I can pray for is that they choose to stay.

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