Sometimes I Don't Want A Comment

 My family and I went to a movie tonight before I head back to Utah. We were sitting in our row watching the previews when a row or two behind us someone commented on a new movie coming out in March. "The first one was good but the second was only okay. I will be surprised if this one is anything." I turned to my dad and we laughed to ourselves. Everybody is a critic.

 I sat there for a second and thought about that. Facebook, family, friends, etc. We all have opinions and comments on what is happening in each others' lives. Why do we care? Why do we care about what others think? I know a lot of those people we love and care about but at the end of the day we make our decisions. We choose what we will do, where we work, what we study and whom we date. Before Facebook and Instagram and all of these other narcissistic social media tools, we physically called people. We talked to people. We made an effort to get to know one another and we weren't so busy.

 For as much as I am an introvert, I want to talk to people. I don't want to burden them. I guess that is why I can be such a good listener at times. Still, the biggest thing I think everyone wants is to be noticed. This is going to have a little "me marketing" but people want to matter to someone. They want to be thought of. They want to be needed. They want to be accepted. They want to be understood. I guess that is why I try to love people the way that I do. I love people the way I wish I was loved.

I pray for people. I want them to be successful, I worry about them, I remember things and I ask. The biggest thing I forget to do is pray for myself. Sometimes I don't do it because I don't think I am worthy. Other times, I simply forget. Recently, I don't know what to ask for because I feel like I should be more grateful. I know what I want. I just hit roadblocks each time I pursue things.

I was talking with a friend later that same night and we talked about these same things. Her stance was that we don't need someone else to complete us and that we need to love ourselves. In some aspects I agree and in others I don't. God made Eve so Adam was not alone. No matter how much Adam learned to accept and love himself, he was incomplete without Eve. It is in through our relationships that we become whole. I do my best to love and accept others with the understanding that we are always changing and (hopefully) trying to become better. I feel like I can this more easily with others than I can do with myself.

I struggle so much accepting my own insecurities, failings, weaknesses and faults. I know I can become better. I know I will fall short and I am supposed to love myself but I struggle because of that and with that. I was taught that I should maximize my strengths and minimize my weaknesses. When you are on your own without a spouse to compliment your weaknesses with their strengths, it is hard to minimize characteristics that are necessary to accomplish the things you have to do. I know patience helps to accept where I am and hope that things will be better soon. With graduation from graduate school around the corner, I hope "soon" is coming real soon.