Closing Off The Summer

Well this summer was one long make-it-or-break-it experience with some longstanding consequences.  There was a lot of stress.  There were a lot of tears.  There were a lot of smiles and a lot of character building experiences.  I know that I have a long way to go and a lot more improvements that I need to make.  I need to be more consistent and on top of those little things that create a solid foundation.  The real point is that I want to look back and see how well I was able to handle the big things I planned to do this summer.

I was planning on doing two different things for work this summer as a way to save up some money in order to be able to afford school this upcoming Fall and Winter semesters and also to do some of the other activities I wanted to do this summer.  I was able to paint my grandparents house and in the end it turned out pretty good and I was able to use that money later that summer.  I was able to return to work at my old internship at NxStage Medical Inc. and even though there were a few bumps along the road when it came to that job, I feel like I still was able to save enough money and have enough good experiences there that in the end it was still able to help me get where I wanted to go.  I wish I had a little more wiggle room but it is what it is and I will be able to get by.  Financially I was also able to secure a few scholarships and also a grant so I definitely won't say no to that and every bit helps.  And if anyone else wishes to donate to my cause then by all means, I will be happy to give you my address at school and feel free to mail me cash or a check and it will go to good use.

Now that I have mentioned school, I will give an update of how testing this summer in preparation for graduate school turned out.  The original plan when it came to graduate school was to try and get into the joint MS/MBA program at BYU.  If I was accepted, I would graduate from BYU after getting my Bachelor's Degree this April and then I would graduate some time in the next 2 to 4 years later with a Master's Degree in both Mechanical Engineering and Business.  The programs are pretty strenuous and to get into that I first need to get accepted to the program for engineering and then I can apply for the one for business.  The Mechanical Engineering Master's Program admits about 40 students a year with a average 3.52 GPA, a GRE Verbal Percentile of 68.93, a GRE Quantitative Percentile of 81.21, and GRE Writing Percentile of 48.96.  The MBA Program admits students with about the same average GPA and are a bit more selective because they have a ton more applicants.  The GMAT scores of the accepted students are 68.07 Quantitative Percentile, 82.18 Verbal Percentile, and 50.35 Analytical Percentile.  I was feeling a lot of pressure to do well on these tests and it wasn't like I could ever sit down and just focus.  Still, I don't think I could have predicted how it all eventually turned out.

I think what eventually happened was pretty much a miracle.  After all the studying and distractions, I think I actually think I have a fighting chance!  My current GPA is a 3.48 so it isn't the best but it isn't bad.  I think if I really do well this last year I might be able to raise it up to where it needs to be to get accepted.  The more important part was how I performed on the exams.  The first exam I took this summer was the GRE.  In Verbal Reasoning, I was slightly below the percentile I was looking for and my Analytical Writing percentile was just right.  It was in my Quantitative Reasoning section where I blew the percentile out of the water.  The next exam was the GMAT.  I have my unofficial scores so I don't know how I did on the Analytical Writing section or on the Integrated Reasoning, which is being able to interpret a combination of tables, graphs, calculations, multiple messages, etc.  However, the advisors at BYU basically told me that I needed to get higher than a 700 overall to really be considered.  And through some miracle my Quantitative and Verbal percentiles were both high enough and close enough together that overall I was able to get higher than the 700 that I was shooting for.  This is huge... I can't even begin to explain but it is a really good thing.  The only way I can really illustrate how good this is would be that if I started looking outside of BYU for colleges to apply to for these degrees with my results, I think I would have a shot at UC Berkeley.  And why did I look up Berkeley?  Because it is only a little more than 4 miles away from Pixar Headquarters in Emeryville, California.

Tatiana and I have been doing really well if you have been following our story so far.  The steps we have taken this summer have been huge.  Not only were we able to survive the distance so far but I was able to find a way to fly out and visit her and her family for a week and my favorite moment during that week was my surprise proposal.  Tatiana and I have been engaged since July 9th.  It was an amazing experience and I was lucky enough to have captured the whole thing on camera.  It has not been easy since then and we have had our own fair share of struggles as every couple will have but overall we are stronger and more open and honest than ever before.  There a few more miracles that we are looking for when it comes to school, BYU, visas, and just staying together and keeping things alive.  We pray for each other all the time and I hope that in the end we will be able to figure everything out.  I love this girl and honestly I think I can see my happily ever after coming together in front of my eyes.

If I was to look back and think about my Summer 2012, I would say it was long and it was stressful but in the end I was able to overcome everything that I had to face.  I don't think I could have ever done it by myself.  I have been praying and fasting more than I have ever done.  I have gotten a ton of support from my family and my fiance.  It definitely is not a one man show but it turned out well.  I am engaged, I was able to work, I am doing fine medically and financially, and my test scores came back a lot better than even I expected with the heavy load I took upon myself.  What's ahead of me?  Life.  I think in the end I will come out alright because again of the wonderful support and love that I have behind me.

A Fresh Start

Beginnings... Our life is full of new beginnings.  These monumental moments or events that happen in life that feel as if you have just won the lottery and received a chance to start over... a new chapter and a new page.  Over the time that I have been home from my mission there have been few people who have truly affected me in such a way that could be described as life-changing or life-altering.  I have a lot of amazing friends that I have made at home and at college and a few of them can come close to this.  I have the most wonderful and supportive family any person could ever ask for and for them, I wouldn't put them in this category but I would give them their own and I would call them my foundation.  My family is where I learned to love, what it meant to be loved, where I learned to gain and foster a testimony, and where I learned what it meant to be a brother, a cousin, a nephew, a grandson, and a son.  It was also where I was able to catch a glimpse at what it would mean to be a father but more importantly what it took to be a husband... now that... that would be life-changing.

I have met many different women that I have fallen for or had a crush on but I won't compare them to Tatiana.  I know I have talked about my feelings for her in the past and all I will say here is that even though we aren't perfect and we have our issues like every couple does, we fit.  My feelings and I feel like I can say our feelings have only grown over the time we have known each other.  And now that we keep moving forward to hopefully that day when I can call her my wife, I can see that it isn't the big things but the little ones that I look forward to.  A family is still a family when the total count comes to two.  A home is still home as long as you are coming back to those that miss you and love you while you are away.  We all have our own hopes and dreams and aspirations but if there is anything that the distance between us has continually taught me is that I need to cherish her and every moment we have together as if it was our last.

I want to sing Disney love songs in the car so I can hear her laughing again.  I want to slow dance with her across our kitchen floor so I can have an excuse to hold her.  I want to cook her breakfast and cover it with strawberries and chocolate sauce just so I can see her smile.  There is so much I want to share with her and yet here I am still in Chapter 3 of my life story when all I can think about is skipping ahead to all the good stuff.  I can hardly wait until I can roll over in the morning, brush back her gray hair, all so I can see the wrinkles by her eyes and start to fall in love with her all over again.  I know we need to live in the present so we don't fill our life with a bunch of empty yesterdays, but what if we already feel empty?  What if you feel like you can do so much more with your life and you were meant to do something great?  I sometimes feel like I can be that kind of person.  I feel like I can make a difference.  And I know sometimes the greatest things can happen through the ripples of something very small.  I don't think I can put my finger on one thing in particular... a kiss, a look, a smile, maybe it was a Mentos!  All I know is this is something special and I am learning and I am changing and I am going to find a way to make this work no matter what because I know we are something worth fighting for.

So how do I bring this full circle?  How do I bring this back to the beginning?  Well it starts by closing one chapter and then beginning with something new... something better.  I am done with my old life and the old me.  Now... I am looking at us.  We are about to begin our own fresh start.

My Life In a Flash

So typically I don't like to post pictures of myself anywhere but as anyone who visits my blog knows, I am in a long distance relationship with my Australian fiance.  Well neither of us are huge fans of Facebook in all honesty and I don't want all of my friends to be watching me over my shoulder... My life isn't that interesting and the thought of everyone I know looking over my shoulder kind of creeps me out to be completely honest!  But I figure only a few people actually know me well enough to know about this site.  And so this post is directed to all of you: I am starting a new blog that is going to document my life in such a way that you will be able to know how I am doing and the adventures that I am going on.  I will still post to this one and it will continue to have a lot of the thoughts or insights that I am learning or gaining but this new one is simply pictures.  It is a picture blog about my life.  So fittingly, I am calling it... My Life In a Flash!

I Will Prevail

I have been told that I will never exceed
I have been told that I am living in a dream
I have been pushed to the side by many of my peers
I have heard of the struggles that was present before me
I have heard others speak of the struggles they were presented with
I have accepted I can't change everything in my life
I know that the things that can be changed will take time
I have watched many come and fall
I have seen those who have raised to riches and fall to pennies
I have started a goal
I have told myself that I will prevail

I have seen the evil in life
I have once been a victim to this life
I have learned that the only thing that can  hold you back in life is living for the past
I refuse to give up without a try
I refuse to let anyone tell me that I can't reach the sky
I refuse to live for today
I will always prepare for tomorrow even though it is not guaranteed
I will refuse to allow anyone to change my heart
I believe that God will lead me to a higher place
I believe that change has been accepted for my life
I believe that someone is watching over me
I will prevail

I apologize for the struggles other may have faced
I refused to allow me to make myself wait
I know that many have never receive an apology for the struggles they have faced
I hope that you accept this from me as I am speaking through them to you
I know that for many of you this is the reason you have given in to the belief that you can't exceed
I will continue through the obstacles that step in my way
I will ask for guidance every day
I will not give up
I will not give in
I will not look back
I will not except that this is all my life is meant to be
I will continue
I will prevail

- Phil Harris

The Lorax

I want to start off by saying that when I watch movies and listen to things, I always love to listen to the deeper message but at the same time I appreciate the message on the surface.  I understand that The Lorax by Dr. Seuss has a very outward in preaching that we need to save the earth.  That is true.  The recent movie depicts that if we are willing to be patient, let the world around us grow, and when we take from it that we leave enough behind so that it will continue; these are all good things.  But even deeper than that there is an underlying message in The Lorax about keeping our promises and making choices.

There are two main characters in The Lorax.  Obviously there is the Lorax but there is also another character called the Once-ler.  The Once-ler was a man that had a dream. As he pursued this dream of a thneed, he got lost.  He lost all sense of what was right and wrong because things had escalated out of proportion from helping people to looking for personal gain and satisfaction and he figured it out a little too late.  The beauty of this remake of the movie is that it wasn't too late.  It followed the story further than the "UNLESS."  But before I get there, I need to introduce the Lorax... And in enters Danny DeVito.  Love him.

"The legendary ... slightly annoying ... guardian of the forest, The Lorax."  I can't think of a better way to describe this character.  I loved the script in this by the way.  But let's take a closer look at The Lorax and who his character really represents.  Once the Lorax appears on the scene, he goes to confront the Once-ler on his operation that he is starting in the Lorax's forest:

The Lorax: Hey! Did you chop down this tree?
Once-ler: Uhh... No.
The Lorax: Who did it?
Once-ler: [gasps] What's that?
[the Lorax looks back and Once-ler drops his ax on Pipsqueak the Bar-ba-loot]
Once-ler: I think he did it.
The Lorax: [growls] Leave! Vacate the premises! Take your ax and get out!
Once-ler: And who are you?
The Lorax: Hey, hey! I-I'm the Lorax! Guardian of the forest. I speak for the trees.
[doesn't get a reaction from Once-ler]
The Lorax: So you're telling me, that you didn't see me magically appear out of that stump. With all the thunder and lightning. You didn't see any of that?
Once-ler: No. But, that sounds amazing. Can I see some of that?
The Lorax: Yeah, I could show you. But that's not how it works.

Well, the Once-ler is already off to a bad start.  After being raised in a family that didn't believe in him, he doesn't trust anyone, including the Lorax and lies to him.  The Lorax says something really interesting towards the end though... The Oncer-ler wanted to see a miracle and the Lorax responds that he could but that isn't how it works.  Being religious, I believe that The Lorax represents God and the Once-ler represents all of us.  I think that we all in our hearts are have good desires but if we were aren't willing to change our actions and constantly check ourselves, our actions can lead us away from where we initially intended to go.  The Once-ler from his own experience asks a young man Ted who the Once-ler is relating his story to why Ted cares about the trees.  The Once-ler is asking what his motives are for doing what he is doing especially when Ted comes back a second day to hear more of the story.

Once-ler: Really? Because when a guy does something stupid once, well that's because he's a guy. But if he does the same stupid thing twice, that's usually to impress some girl.

We may not have bad intentions and we might not have the same upbringing but I know that we all will find ourselves in a place where we are faced with doubt and the opportunity to do something right or do something easy.  The thing is when we make decisions, consequences always follow.  And if we want good consequences, we need to make good decisions.  I think this is what is meant when the Lorax is cautioning the Once-ler to not harvest the trees but to only harvest the tuffs!

The Lorax: Which way does the tree fall?
Once-ler: Down.
The Lorax: It falls the way it leans.  Be careful which way you lean.

You see the Once-ler was trying to speed things up.  He was trying to skip the important steps in harvesting the tuffs by just cutting down the trees.  The tree itself was necessary to help his dream grow!  Later on once things have gone too far, the Lorax confronts the Once-ler again and tries to wake him up and see how far he has gone wrong:

The Lorax: Happy yet? Feel that hole deep down inside you or do you still need more?
Once-ler: Look… If you got a problem with what I am doing then why haven’t you used your quote and quote powers to stop me?
The Lorax: I told you.  That’s not how it works.
Once-ler: Right… I forgot.  You’re a fraud.  I need you to get out – NOW!
The Lorax: Why? Do I make you uncomfortable? Remind you of the promises you made? The man you used to be?

The Once-ler continues to fight him by saying that he has his right to choose to do whatever he wants to and because he hasn't broken the law and hasn't hurt anyone that he really doesn't have to explain himself or his choices.  The problem was as the last Truffula tree fell with the sound of an axe he knew that was all a lie.  He did have the right to choose and The Lorax wasn't going to force him to do anything but instead he was warning him of the pain and suffering and guilt that was in front of him.  The Once-ler's actions had affected a lot more people than he realized and the one person he hadn't anticipated hurting was himself.  So this personal history of the Once-ler is related to a small boy named Ted who has come searching for the trees.  Right near the end, the Once-ler suddenly stops.  He realizes that even though things continue to look like they are only going to get worse and nothing is going to change, there might still be some hope left.

Once-ler: Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better, it's not.
[the Once-ler looks around his apartment and drops something down to Ted through the window]
Once-ler: The last truffula seed… You need to plant it Ted.
Ted the Boy: Ya but... Nobody cares about trees any more!
Once-ler: Then make them care! Plant the seed in the middle of town where everyone can see! Change the way things are.  I know it may seem small and insignificant but it's not about what it is.  It's about what it can become.  That's not just a seed anymore than you are just a boy.

 As I said before, this movie ends happily and so the seed was allowed to grow and things were able to return to the way they were meant to be.  It is a kid's movie... What else are you going to expect?  But the point is that I believe that there really is a God and that people want good things.  If we are willing to listen to God, be patient, choose to do the right thing, and keep our promises, then we will not only end up with the things we thneed... I mean need... But we will be able to avoid hurting the people that we love, including ourselves.  There is a way that we can be happy but it just takes a little bit of effort and a lot of faith and trust.  Take the time to think about what it is that you really care about.  Know that no matter what that there is always time to change.  And lastly, the promises and the choices we make, "may seem small and insignificant but it's not about what it is.  It's about what it can become."

Insights

One of the nice things about having a blog is a lot of the time you will go on and read someone else's blog.  It can be so insightful when you have good things to read that lift your spirit and give you encouragement to do what you need to do.  Whether the blogs you follow are ones that make you laugh or whether they are spiritual or based on relationships, I feel that if you are willing to listen you are willing to learn.

I read recently about a friend whose grandfather was taking a moment to share an old song as a way to teach his family a specific life lesson.  He was stopped prematurely in the song because some of the younger crowd preferred that he was over... something to do with being slightly off key.  Anyways the song he sang was one that I was unfamiliar with and decided to look up the lyrics.  It was Nat King Cole's "Nature Boy."  My friend stressed that the probable reason whey his grandfather had chosen this particular song was the last line of it.  It ends with, "the greatest thing, you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return."

And to quote my friend, the message that he took from that small life lesson was this:  "When you love and aren't loved it's exciting but depressing.  When you are loved and don't love it's flattering but annoying.  When you love and are loved the world just turns for you."  Wow... It at least gave me a lot to think about.  I guess this is really what friends are for.  Friends... Life is so lonely without them.

Soulmates

I was looking online at reviews for a book that I am planning on purchasing for Tatiana and I to read.  It was actually recommended to us from one of her family members.  It is called "300 Questions LDS Couples Should Ask Before Marriage."  Seems like it is both appropriate and probably useful or insightful.  We will see once it finally arrives!  Anyways, this was one of the quotes I found from it online:

“It amazes me that people think their soul mate is going to show up in their life at this predestined time and be this flawless person. A true soul mate is a mirror of yourself, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. Sure, they have a common upbringing, similar interests but they have the one thing you don’t have which is the introspection to help you become great. What use is a soul mate if they can’t help free you from yourself so you can live your life mission?” Shannon L. Alder, 300 Questions Lds Couples Should Ask Before Marriage

Sounds pretty familiar to me... I think I will enjoy going through this book and when I finally do finish it I am sure that I will write something about it (review, opinion, etc.).

You're The One

I love Tyrone Wells... His music is just honest, sincere, and many times uplifting.

"You're The One"

by Tyrone Wells

I wanna be what you're thinking
Head on the pillow in the night
When the sun comes in
You get up and begin again
I wanna be the first thing on your mind

You're the dream I wanna wake to
You're the field I wanna run through
You're the one
You're the song I'm always singing
You're the where, the why and the reason
You're the one

I wanna be what your dreaming
All those secrets no one knows (no one knows)
Those prayers you've written down
Much too scared to say aloud
Take me to your shadows I wanna go

You're the dream I wanna wake to
You're the field I wanna run through
You're the one
You're the song I'm always singing
You're the where, the why and the reason
You're the one

You are the first one
And the last one
You're the only one that I'll ever need
If you give me a moment, a breath, I'll give all I've got left
That's a promise that I promise to keep

I wanna be the one you're choosing
I want you to want me there
And if it helps to hear mine forever's yours my dear
Won't you take my hand if you dare
Won't you take my hand if you dare

You're the dream I wanna wake to
You're the field I wanna run through
You're the one
You're the song I'm always singing
You're the where, the why and the reason
You're the one (the one, the one)

You're the dream I wanna wake to
You're the field I wanna run through
You're the one (you're the one)
You're the song I'm always singing
You're the where, the why and the reason
You're the one (one)