I feel like I have reached a moment in my life where it is the calm before the storm, the starting line just before the gun sounds, the beginning of something greater. Because of that, I thought I would take the opportunity to look back and see how far I have come in accomplishing my goals for the year.
Well I wanted to keep my grades up and even though I had my lowest GPA I have ever received at BYU, which still happens to be above a 3.00 but not by much, I got a scholarship for next year. I have applied for graduation and I also have signed up to take the GRE and GMAT sometime this summer intermingled with my internship back at NxStage Medical again... so far so good on my goals. I was close enough to say that those ones were met but not in the exact way I anticipated. I also have bought my plane ticket for my vacation this summer to go see Tatiana over in Australia. I should be there for about a week in the beginning part of July but the tickets are bought and there is no turning back. At the same time, she and I have gotten very serious in our relationship and if things continue to go well, there is a high chance that we may be married before the year is through so I feel like I have been richly blessed, as there is nothing that I could have done to anticipate or deserve the chance to meet her and fall in love.
The last two or three goals are more of perpetual goals that deal more with creating strong, healthy habits, so I definitely feel like there is a lot more I can do in that regard. I can always read my scriptures more and pray more often. I definitely can use the exercise and there are always different ways I can improve my health. It is one thing to say that you roll out of bed in the morning and it is another thing to physically have to do it. I am not that bad quite yet but if I am playing to head to Australia, it would be nice to have a beach body even though it will be their winter, just in case.
Anyways, during this down time I have been working a lot and when I am not working, I am thinking. I have often wondered how my life is going to pan out. Am I going to be able to figure things out? I will need to figure out how to work out where and how to deal with medical insurance, minimize and pay bills and taxes, what Master's programs I want to apply for and if I am eligible, and just a variety of other things. Will I be a good husband? Will I remember to do all the little things like I used to? Will I remember to make sure that we will discuss things that need to be decided together so I will not make any hasty decisions but will have already checked with my wife if certain decisions need her opinion and approval. Will I remember to be mindful of her and her feelings and emotions? I will need to be teachable so that I will learn many different things about her and how it is to live together as a couple. And I haven't even touched the surface when it comes to expanding our family to include children.
I realize that to expect us both as individuals and as a couple to remain the same is foolish. We are always changing and I need to be looking for those changes. When we have life-changing events together, such as graduating from college, being accepted into a particular program, a serious job offer, moving to a different home, marriage, starting a family, the list is endless... but when those events occur and they will, I need to be aware that things will be different. I do not say this next thing out of pride but out of self-awareness, but I am a very giving person and do very little or ask very little for myself. I pamper the ones I love and it makes me happy, but in any healthy relationship, things need to be mutual to some degree. In these life-changing moments, I need to recognize that I will need to be there to support her but I hope that she in turn will recognize that I will need her to support me just as much and I need to let her. If we really are to love and cherish one another for eternity, we need to serve but also give the opportunity for our spouse to serve us as well. One of them can not make it without the other but it is by working together and complimenting each other's personalities through the strengths and weaknesses that both people possess that will allow happiness and love to grow in the relationship. And of course it will be easier said than done.
Back to the present though, I feel like I have had many different things happen in my life that I can count as real blessings. I have the opportunity to work this summer, I have achieved and progressed in many of my goals, I am healthy and happy (some of the time according to my parents...), and I am in a beautiful relationship with my very best friend who loves me as much as I love her. Things are certainly not easy but my life has shown me that I should never expect them to be. There are too many variables, too many experiences and lessons that we need to learn, life is something that in order to be happy and to have those moments where you can feel true and utter joy, we will have to choose to do hard things. Success is not defined in always accomplishing those things that we set out to do but in progressing and learning as we try and give our best effort. It is in investing ourselves in the things that we do. In the end, I am sure you can tell that there are a lot of things that are changing in my life over the next couple of months. I am just praying and hoping that I will be able to keep up and everything will work out in the end.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
The Great Machine
I sometimes am able to find a movie that really speaks to me or gives me hope. A film that carries a message that tells me to never give up and to keep trying. Something that helps me remember that there are always things out there in life, like our dreams, that are worth fighting for. These movies don't typically come along too often but when they do they stick with a person. Hugo was that kind of movie for me. I loved it so much that I am only going to share two quotes from it and I will do my best to avoid spoiling the story while still sharing the beautiful imagery that is depicted so eloquently on the movie screen.
The story follows a young orphaned boy who was the son of a clock maker and his journey of self-discovery and friendship. Each major and minor character that he meets along the way has that similar journey and it is interesting to watch as their tales are completely interwoven and eventually climax to a realization of purpose. In this quote, the main character Hugo describes his perception of the world that he gained in life by learning from the experiences he had growing up with his late father.
"I'd imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured if the entire world was one big machine, I couldn't be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason. And that means you have to be here for some reason too."
It is amazing to watch how each person really does play a part in the life story of all the other characters. There really is no hero or villain if you look at it as a whole but instead each person has to come to realize that they are not defined by what life has dealt to them but in what they make of it through the decisions that they choose which help them to see outside of their original limited individual perspectives. As I said before, it is a beautiful story of self-worth and discovering one's purpose through following your dreams.
"Maybe that's why a broken machine always makes me a little sad, because it isn't able to do what it was meant to do... Maybe it's the same with people. If you lose your purpose... it's like you're broken."
I think after watching this story, we need to more greatly appreciate the people around us in our lives. The individuals that we may see as good or bad are in the very simplest sense just people who are struggling like you and me to understand what they were meant to do in life. But if you watch closely, we all seem to find that meaning through the help and love of others. Some can call it guidance, others can call it example, but I call it passion and love. Maybe it is the deeply rooted romantic in me but as I watch this movie I can see how charity and compassion are able to help lift up the broken-hearted and heal the wounds that we can and cannot see. It really is a beautiful story. But even more than that I can relate this story to my own life.
I feel like I have always been a person that who has a great capacity to love and understand people. I think I can say that I have a talent for being able to listen and to express how I feel in such a way that people are able to accept me for who I am and are then willing to hear what I have to say in return. But along with that great capacity to love is what some may see in me as a trusting nature that is almost blind. And along the way, I can say that it may have led to me making mistakes or getting hurt, and at times I held onto scars that I did not have to carry. But then after that it takes a special person to come into your life that will help you realize things that you always knew and I can not remember who was able to help me realize that I could let go of those kinds of things but I will be eternally grateful. On the other hand we are prone to forget and just as important as it is to have someone teach you or show you these kinds of important life lessons, there are people who are equally important to us because they consistently help us to remember them.
I feel like I have met someone who is able to do this for me. Someone who is able to help me to always remember my own self worth, to see the good in me, and that loves me for who I am and who I am becoming. Just like the characters in the movie where there were individuals who were able to bring out the best in one another, I feel like Tatiana is able to do that for me. I don't know why I always seem to end up relating everything I do or experience lately to her but maybe it is because we are so similar or because I can never get her off of my mind. I honestly don't know. All I do know is that I have never loved so deeply and had such a connection to another person who inspires me to be better, that drives me to be better, and loves me so unconditionally, as she does. I am grateful for the blessing that she has been in my life and the wonderful experience it has been to continually get to know her and love her. And in turn, have a similar experience with the relationship that I have been developing with myself. She is more than a muse or even my best friend. She is a miracle that has made my life have real meaning. Things do not happen by chance but by choice. Where have been led up to this point as the resulting summation of the consequences from the decisions we have made personally. And I don't know all the cogs and gears that made up my version of this great machine called life but I would go through all the joy and sorrow a hundred times over if it meant that in the end I would again find myself loving her.
The message I took away from this relatively short film was this... No matter what happens or whatever you may be faced with, you have the choice to define your own future. And if you are willing to sacrifice everything for the ones you love, then in the end you will discover what your purpose really is through that sacrifice. You are able to discover what is of true worth and value to you. We were never meant to be alone and it is through the happiness of others that we find real joy. Love, sacrifice, and joy are all intimately connected so that the only way to find a fullness of any one of them you must put forth every effort in achieving them all. Just like the cogs and wheels and gears of a clock, none of us are truly independent of one another. We need one another and by working together we will find all these virtues and also a purpose in the Great Machine.
The story follows a young orphaned boy who was the son of a clock maker and his journey of self-discovery and friendship. Each major and minor character that he meets along the way has that similar journey and it is interesting to watch as their tales are completely interwoven and eventually climax to a realization of purpose. In this quote, the main character Hugo describes his perception of the world that he gained in life by learning from the experiences he had growing up with his late father.
"I'd imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured if the entire world was one big machine, I couldn't be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason. And that means you have to be here for some reason too."
It is amazing to watch how each person really does play a part in the life story of all the other characters. There really is no hero or villain if you look at it as a whole but instead each person has to come to realize that they are not defined by what life has dealt to them but in what they make of it through the decisions that they choose which help them to see outside of their original limited individual perspectives. As I said before, it is a beautiful story of self-worth and discovering one's purpose through following your dreams.
"Maybe that's why a broken machine always makes me a little sad, because it isn't able to do what it was meant to do... Maybe it's the same with people. If you lose your purpose... it's like you're broken."
I think after watching this story, we need to more greatly appreciate the people around us in our lives. The individuals that we may see as good or bad are in the very simplest sense just people who are struggling like you and me to understand what they were meant to do in life. But if you watch closely, we all seem to find that meaning through the help and love of others. Some can call it guidance, others can call it example, but I call it passion and love. Maybe it is the deeply rooted romantic in me but as I watch this movie I can see how charity and compassion are able to help lift up the broken-hearted and heal the wounds that we can and cannot see. It really is a beautiful story. But even more than that I can relate this story to my own life.
I feel like I have always been a person that who has a great capacity to love and understand people. I think I can say that I have a talent for being able to listen and to express how I feel in such a way that people are able to accept me for who I am and are then willing to hear what I have to say in return. But along with that great capacity to love is what some may see in me as a trusting nature that is almost blind. And along the way, I can say that it may have led to me making mistakes or getting hurt, and at times I held onto scars that I did not have to carry. But then after that it takes a special person to come into your life that will help you realize things that you always knew and I can not remember who was able to help me realize that I could let go of those kinds of things but I will be eternally grateful. On the other hand we are prone to forget and just as important as it is to have someone teach you or show you these kinds of important life lessons, there are people who are equally important to us because they consistently help us to remember them.
I feel like I have met someone who is able to do this for me. Someone who is able to help me to always remember my own self worth, to see the good in me, and that loves me for who I am and who I am becoming. Just like the characters in the movie where there were individuals who were able to bring out the best in one another, I feel like Tatiana is able to do that for me. I don't know why I always seem to end up relating everything I do or experience lately to her but maybe it is because we are so similar or because I can never get her off of my mind. I honestly don't know. All I do know is that I have never loved so deeply and had such a connection to another person who inspires me to be better, that drives me to be better, and loves me so unconditionally, as she does. I am grateful for the blessing that she has been in my life and the wonderful experience it has been to continually get to know her and love her. And in turn, have a similar experience with the relationship that I have been developing with myself. She is more than a muse or even my best friend. She is a miracle that has made my life have real meaning. Things do not happen by chance but by choice. Where have been led up to this point as the resulting summation of the consequences from the decisions we have made personally. And I don't know all the cogs and gears that made up my version of this great machine called life but I would go through all the joy and sorrow a hundred times over if it meant that in the end I would again find myself loving her.
The message I took away from this relatively short film was this... No matter what happens or whatever you may be faced with, you have the choice to define your own future. And if you are willing to sacrifice everything for the ones you love, then in the end you will discover what your purpose really is through that sacrifice. You are able to discover what is of true worth and value to you. We were never meant to be alone and it is through the happiness of others that we find real joy. Love, sacrifice, and joy are all intimately connected so that the only way to find a fullness of any one of them you must put forth every effort in achieving them all. Just like the cogs and wheels and gears of a clock, none of us are truly independent of one another. We need one another and by working together we will find all these virtues and also a purpose in the Great Machine.
Friday, April 6, 2012
General Conference
Only twice a year do we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints get to listen to all of the living prophets and apostles speak to the whole world about topics which through much study and prayer have been revealed to them as the things we need to hear right now at this time. I am always excited for General Conference and it is sad to hear other people who weren't able to get anything out of it or didn't make the time to take advantage of this gift. I was walking home from campus today and I overheard a few people talking about it saying that what is the point when they always seem to say the same thing every time.
It is said to think that we have so many individuals in the Church who don't understand the principles behind revelation. The word itself means to reveal or disclose facts, many times associated with man receiving this information from a divine or supernatural agency or source. I typically don't go into definitions but let's think about this for a moment... If revelation is about revealing or disclosing information typically that would mean that the recipient would need to be seeking or searching for that information. I remember being taught from a young age to always go to the temple and also to prepare for conference by coming with questions in mind. These questions didn't always have to deal with doctrine or the gospel but could be about my life and the actions or direction that I need to take. The point is that if I am not able to get anything out of a meeting it is because I hadn't prepared myself to be looking and listening for answers because sometimes the answers that we get aren't to the questions that we had originally asked.
The beauty of conference is the fact that the messages haven't changed all too much over time. God hasn't given up on us quite yet because I am sure that from personal experience I haven't mastered everything he has asked of me up to this point. Another little miracle is the fact that you can't take the messages that they share at face value either. Depending on where I am in life, I have different concerns or questions and many times you can listen to conference and get all of your questions answered. It is a miracle that the same talk that touched me or helped me can do the same thing for a completely different person with completely different concerns. What these men speak is modern day revelation, in essence living scripture. It should be no surprise then that people are able to have experiences similar to mine. Am I perfect and always feel spiritually enlightened at every meeting and always have that the feeling that the Spirit is with me? If I did, God would have taken me home and risen me up by now so by the fact that I am typing this means that by no stretch of the imagination am I there yet. But the point I am trying to make is that if you are wanting, desiring, and really trying to improve then you will always have questions and you will always have the potential to receive this kind of revelation. The greatest blessing is that the more you search it out and learn to recognize it, then the more that it will continue to come as long as you are willing to follow it.
It is said to think that we have so many individuals in the Church who don't understand the principles behind revelation. The word itself means to reveal or disclose facts, many times associated with man receiving this information from a divine or supernatural agency or source. I typically don't go into definitions but let's think about this for a moment... If revelation is about revealing or disclosing information typically that would mean that the recipient would need to be seeking or searching for that information. I remember being taught from a young age to always go to the temple and also to prepare for conference by coming with questions in mind. These questions didn't always have to deal with doctrine or the gospel but could be about my life and the actions or direction that I need to take. The point is that if I am not able to get anything out of a meeting it is because I hadn't prepared myself to be looking and listening for answers because sometimes the answers that we get aren't to the questions that we had originally asked.
The beauty of conference is the fact that the messages haven't changed all too much over time. God hasn't given up on us quite yet because I am sure that from personal experience I haven't mastered everything he has asked of me up to this point. Another little miracle is the fact that you can't take the messages that they share at face value either. Depending on where I am in life, I have different concerns or questions and many times you can listen to conference and get all of your questions answered. It is a miracle that the same talk that touched me or helped me can do the same thing for a completely different person with completely different concerns. What these men speak is modern day revelation, in essence living scripture. It should be no surprise then that people are able to have experiences similar to mine. Am I perfect and always feel spiritually enlightened at every meeting and always have that the feeling that the Spirit is with me? If I did, God would have taken me home and risen me up by now so by the fact that I am typing this means that by no stretch of the imagination am I there yet. But the point I am trying to make is that if you are wanting, desiring, and really trying to improve then you will always have questions and you will always have the potential to receive this kind of revelation. The greatest blessing is that the more you search it out and learn to recognize it, then the more that it will continue to come as long as you are willing to follow it.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Expect To Be Surprised
Something that I have always heard is expect the unexpected. That really doesn't make much sense to me... I know that myself, I am a planner. I try to plan for every possible situation that I could be faced with, look at every option, weigh the costs and the risks and try to shoot for the best possible situation. I also on a semi-related-yet-unrelated note, love to compare my life to some of my favorite movies, Dan in Real Life for example. I want to pull two memorable quotes from that movie quickly and then try to explain how I feel like they describe my life currently.
The first quote comes from a part in the story where the two romantics first meet in a book store. Our hero asks casually while pretending to work at the store and just trying to be helpful
to a beautiful woman, what she is looking for at the moment and this was her response:
"I'm looking for a book... something that can help me deal with what might be an awkward situation. Something funny might be nice, but not necessarily big, 'ha, ha, ha,' 'laugh, laugh, laugh' funny, and certainly not make-fun-of-other-people funny but rather something human-funny. And, uh, if it could uh, sneak up on you, surprise you, and at the same time make you think that what you thought wasn't only right, in a wrong kind of way, but when you're wrong, there's a certain rightness in your wrongness... Well, what I mean is, more importantly, I'm looking to be swept up! And at the same time, not. "
"Well, you rarely find all that in one book."
When I first met Tatiana it was what would have looked like pure happenstance, a miracle, fate... a lot of things lined up perfectly in such a way that we found each other in all places... Provo, Utah. Needless to say, I was this nice guy who met a beautiful woman who like this... wasn't really looking for love but found it in the most unusual of places. Now let me set the stage a little
bit better. I am not your typical guy. I am good listener. I am a romantic. I even enjoy the occasional chick flick or two... or three. Sometimes I can come on a little strong at times because I have learned that it is better to be open with yourself and your feelings rather than try to be something that you are not. I could never do that. I could never pretend to play the part of the uninterested jerk. And I found that my openness can sometimes be a turn off for a lot of people because they don't understand and they would prefer someone who likes to take their time and play the game. So I needed someone special who could find that "certain rightness in [my] wrongness." To put it bluntly, I am Dan in real life and Tatiana is my Marie. I found everything I was looking for in one person and it happens to be her.
The things is we are both goofy and fun. We are understanding and caring. And I have realized more and more that even though sometimes our families may not approve because of various situations or past relationships or whatever the reason may be... stretching to find connections to the movie... but I know that we are meant to be together and in time they can all come around. I found someone that I can be myself with and loves me as much as I love her. And all the things that I thought I wouldn't be able to find in one complete package... well, it is her. I found a spiritual giant that has the heart of child... imaginative and creative, trusting and loyal, where
love is simple and pure. She is absolutely amazing and everyone who meets her likes her instantly. I wonder sometimes how I could have been the one that caught her eye. However I love how the movie ends so here are the final lines:
"I want to break from my usual format and talk to you about the subject of plans. Not so much my plan for this column, but life plans, and how we all make them. And how we hope that our kids make good, smart, safe plans of their own. But if we're really honest with ourselves, our plans usually don't work out as we had hoped. So instead of asking our young people "What are you plans? What do you plan to do with your life?" maybe we should tell them this: Plan to be surprised."
If I do get the great blessing to have children, that would probably be the best way I could describe how I met their mother. We all have plans in life and suddenly you meet someone that changes all of them and helps you see how you were preparing yourself to settle for less than what you always wanted. You suddenly find yourself noticing that this person can make everything in life no matter how hard it seems at the time or how difficult be easy and insignificant, that everything is better because you are with them or
you have so many memories that you can look back on that make you smile, that their happiness is more important to you than your own. The only word that you can really describe it all with is "Love."
I can say that I had plans... I wanted to get married to some Mormon girl that I met at BYU, we would instantly fall in love and all the money I had saved would help us to have a family, we would be married in the temple, move back to the east coast, I would start my career and I would come home to a loving and caring wife and many beautiful children. There is more to life than the picket fence. I fell for someone better than that... someone with ambition, passion, goals and dreams, someone that I can just talk to for hours on end and never get tired of listening to her thoughts and feelings. I get the feeling that all that money I had saved for a family or possibly a honeymoon to Bora Bora will end up going to getting my dream girl back to America so that she and I can find new adventures to pursue but I guess that is the adventure... starting a life together that we can call our own. Not everything is perfect and stuff comes up all the time that is another "surprise" to what plans we have made for our future, but that is part of what makes it perfect. What is a fairy tale without a little drama, ya know?
In the end, she is everything that I want and need and we are just crazy about each other so because of that, I am just excited to see how this love story pans out.
The first quote comes from a part in the story where the two romantics first meet in a book store. Our hero asks casually while pretending to work at the store and just trying to be helpful
to a beautiful woman, what she is looking for at the moment and this was her response:"I'm looking for a book... something that can help me deal with what might be an awkward situation. Something funny might be nice, but not necessarily big, 'ha, ha, ha,' 'laugh, laugh, laugh' funny, and certainly not make-fun-of-other-people funny but rather something human-funny. And, uh, if it could uh, sneak up on you, surprise you, and at the same time make you think that what you thought wasn't only right, in a wrong kind of way, but when you're wrong, there's a certain rightness in your wrongness... Well, what I mean is, more importantly, I'm looking to be swept up! And at the same time, not. "
"Well, you rarely find all that in one book."
When I first met Tatiana it was what would have looked like pure happenstance, a miracle, fate... a lot of things lined up perfectly in such a way that we found each other in all places... Provo, Utah. Needless to say, I was this nice guy who met a beautiful woman who like this... wasn't really looking for love but found it in the most unusual of places. Now let me set the stage a little
bit better. I am not your typical guy. I am good listener. I am a romantic. I even enjoy the occasional chick flick or two... or three. Sometimes I can come on a little strong at times because I have learned that it is better to be open with yourself and your feelings rather than try to be something that you are not. I could never do that. I could never pretend to play the part of the uninterested jerk. And I found that my openness can sometimes be a turn off for a lot of people because they don't understand and they would prefer someone who likes to take their time and play the game. So I needed someone special who could find that "certain rightness in [my] wrongness." To put it bluntly, I am Dan in real life and Tatiana is my Marie. I found everything I was looking for in one person and it happens to be her.The things is we are both goofy and fun. We are understanding and caring. And I have realized more and more that even though sometimes our families may not approve because of various situations or past relationships or whatever the reason may be... stretching to find connections to the movie... but I know that we are meant to be together and in time they can all come around. I found someone that I can be myself with and loves me as much as I love her. And all the things that I thought I wouldn't be able to find in one complete package... well, it is her. I found a spiritual giant that has the heart of child... imaginative and creative, trusting and loyal, where
love is simple and pure. She is absolutely amazing and everyone who meets her likes her instantly. I wonder sometimes how I could have been the one that caught her eye. However I love how the movie ends so here are the final lines:"I want to break from my usual format and talk to you about the subject of plans. Not so much my plan for this column, but life plans, and how we all make them. And how we hope that our kids make good, smart, safe plans of their own. But if we're really honest with ourselves, our plans usually don't work out as we had hoped. So instead of asking our young people "What are you plans? What do you plan to do with your life?" maybe we should tell them this: Plan to be surprised."
If I do get the great blessing to have children, that would probably be the best way I could describe how I met their mother. We all have plans in life and suddenly you meet someone that changes all of them and helps you see how you were preparing yourself to settle for less than what you always wanted. You suddenly find yourself noticing that this person can make everything in life no matter how hard it seems at the time or how difficult be easy and insignificant, that everything is better because you are with them or
you have so many memories that you can look back on that make you smile, that their happiness is more important to you than your own. The only word that you can really describe it all with is "Love."I can say that I had plans... I wanted to get married to some Mormon girl that I met at BYU, we would instantly fall in love and all the money I had saved would help us to have a family, we would be married in the temple, move back to the east coast, I would start my career and I would come home to a loving and caring wife and many beautiful children. There is more to life than the picket fence. I fell for someone better than that... someone with ambition, passion, goals and dreams, someone that I can just talk to for hours on end and never get tired of listening to her thoughts and feelings. I get the feeling that all that money I had saved for a family or possibly a honeymoon to Bora Bora will end up going to getting my dream girl back to America so that she and I can find new adventures to pursue but I guess that is the adventure... starting a life together that we can call our own. Not everything is perfect and stuff comes up all the time that is another "surprise" to what plans we have made for our future, but that is part of what makes it perfect. What is a fairy tale without a little drama, ya know?
In the end, she is everything that I want and need and we are just crazy about each other so because of that, I am just excited to see how this love story pans out.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
New Surprises
I feel like it is interesting how things happen for reasons that we may not always understand until much later and sometimes we may never understand them at all. The last few weeks have been slightly stressful but for my own health and sanity, I have come up for a little air every once in a while. And by that I mean, I will spend a little time talking with Tatiana and we will discuss how things have been going both with me and with her and typically that will get me centered again. The other day we took that a step further and decided to have a movie night/afternoon where we started a movie together at the same time and we would comment, laugh, and joke around while it was going messaging back and forth on our iPods from across the globe. It was actually a really good date considering the distance, but it was really fun! But as I said before, lately things have been a little interesting.
I finally took those two tests in anatomy and organic chemistry and I am not too sure how that went down... not great but I don't know how much damage control will need to be done. Then there is the situation with taxes, registration, housing, etc. There are a lot of big things... not huge things... but nevertheless, big things that I thought were good and resolved and now they are rearing their heads with a vengeance. So that is a nice bit of unwanted stress which hopefully I will be able to resolve one at a time, sooner rather than later. Needless to say... not fun. And this all coincided when Tatiana and I had some interesting experiences occur on her end.
I have done well in staying in contact with her and her family but in the process of getting to know one another things can be miscommunicated or misinterpreted. In the end, I asked if they would talk to her some more so they could clarify exactly what her perspective was but what I didn't know was that Tatiana was also having a particularly rough day. Her mom decided to go visit Tatiana and clarify a few of things which was absolutely perfect. When God knows that someone needs help, he can use others to help bring the right people together. I would always want to help Tatiana in any way that I could, but when she needed someone there and in person to talk with her and help her (something I can not to do right now), God used me in a way that I didn't understand so that in an indirect and small way I could help make that happen.
I guess what I am trying to say is that through love, patience, and faith good things will happen in the end. We may not always see the forest through the trees but if we know where we are going and continue to press forward, enduring and doing the best that we can, God will help us through. He may not answer our prayers in the way that we would like, expect, or answer in the time that we would like Him too, but He does answer. I know that I will not have to face anything that I can not handle and as long as I am doing what is right, He will help me so I can know what I need to do. The situations that are happening may seem like a real trial and they can even blindside you, but if you are willing to stay focused on those righteous desires and refuse to give up everything will work itself out. Perspectives can change with time. You can be surprised with a situation that can start off looking like it is a real negative thing, but if you are patient it can become a real blessing to you in time. It is not a bad surprise... it is just a new surprise.
I finally took those two tests in anatomy and organic chemistry and I am not too sure how that went down... not great but I don't know how much damage control will need to be done. Then there is the situation with taxes, registration, housing, etc. There are a lot of big things... not huge things... but nevertheless, big things that I thought were good and resolved and now they are rearing their heads with a vengeance. So that is a nice bit of unwanted stress which hopefully I will be able to resolve one at a time, sooner rather than later. Needless to say... not fun. And this all coincided when Tatiana and I had some interesting experiences occur on her end.
I have done well in staying in contact with her and her family but in the process of getting to know one another things can be miscommunicated or misinterpreted. In the end, I asked if they would talk to her some more so they could clarify exactly what her perspective was but what I didn't know was that Tatiana was also having a particularly rough day. Her mom decided to go visit Tatiana and clarify a few of things which was absolutely perfect. When God knows that someone needs help, he can use others to help bring the right people together. I would always want to help Tatiana in any way that I could, but when she needed someone there and in person to talk with her and help her (something I can not to do right now), God used me in a way that I didn't understand so that in an indirect and small way I could help make that happen.
I guess what I am trying to say is that through love, patience, and faith good things will happen in the end. We may not always see the forest through the trees but if we know where we are going and continue to press forward, enduring and doing the best that we can, God will help us through. He may not answer our prayers in the way that we would like, expect, or answer in the time that we would like Him too, but He does answer. I know that I will not have to face anything that I can not handle and as long as I am doing what is right, He will help me so I can know what I need to do. The situations that are happening may seem like a real trial and they can even blindside you, but if you are willing to stay focused on those righteous desires and refuse to give up everything will work itself out. Perspectives can change with time. You can be surprised with a situation that can start off looking like it is a real negative thing, but if you are patient it can become a real blessing to you in time. It is not a bad surprise... it is just a new surprise.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
The Final Sprint of the Long Haul
This weekend seemed as good as any to give an update on how life is going so far. The two major things that I have been working on lately is my schooling and with my relationship. There are other little things as well... Things like what to wear in the morning, being able to schedule time to try and go to the temple, finish up scholarships and making sure that my internship for this summer is actually going to happen and that the internship isn't just a word of mouth kind of thing but that it is actually officially taking place. Anyways, if I was going to move past my day to day decision of whether I am waking up to the sound of "Snap! Crackle! Pop!" or if it is 
going to be a bowl of Wendell's Cinnamon Toasted Crunchiness, I am going to give you a real update on what you would be expecting if for some odd reason you were hoping to hop into my shoes and see what it would be like to be me right now.
The big stress recently is college. I have a lot to do and a lot to figure out in the next few weeks. I am starting to figure out what tests I need to take and what I need to do to apply to graduate school. This involves me taking the GRE and GMAT this summer and getting fantastic scores on them and also the miracle of doing well in my classes! My grades weren't exactly starting off the best this semester and with four out of five classes all riding somewhere in the "C"-range, I knew that there was some change in order. For the most part, I have chewed and clawed my way out of the hole I made for myself and I think by the end of the semester, I should end up with okay grades. My classes are just very difficult and when i explain my situation to my professors they basically either laugh or ask why I would set myself up like this for the third to last semester... and sometimes I just don't know how to respond. Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up:
I am at the point in my major where I am starting to take graduate or pre-graduate level courses of which this semester I am taking two (next Fall semester I will be taking only these types of classes so I think it will be a total of four... oh joy). Then there is my religion class that allows me to breathe and is a huge source of revelation and I have a wonderful professor. Lastly I have my two science classes that I think I need to take to apply for graduate school: anatomy and organic chemistry. Anatomy is straight memorization of terms and is basically a very hard yet interesting foreign language class. We get to look at the insides of dead people... if that isn't cool then I don't know what is! Then there is my organic chemistry class... it is the tool medical schools use to weed out the students that wouldn't cut it in the long run. And I am deciding to take all of these classes at the same time? No wonder I make my professors laugh in pity. And on top of that your grades always take a dive the semester when you begin to date your future spouse.
I said it... my future spouse. Tatiana and I have been doing really well! Don't get me wrong, the relationship can feel strained at times because of the distance, the time difference and the lack of being able to be with one another, but overall I couldn't ask for things to be better. A little strain on any muscle including the heart helps it grow and makes it stronger. Still, I don't know how we are able to pull it off because it is a rarity for us to miss a single day without Skyping. I send her daily emails and little private messages and posts on Facebook and to a variety of other inboxes and we just love and miss each other something fierce. It has been a blessing to see the growth we are both experiencing. And even though not everyone in Australia is happy with
the change, everyone that really matters to us has been there when we needed them. We have had to do a lot of soul searching, praying and reading our scriptures a lot, making time to go to the temple, and we are so very grateful for all the love and support we have received from friends and family alike.
My friends here at BYU cut me a lot of slack when it comes to class notes, homework, and all the time I spend talking or thinking about her. Then there is my family. They are continually coming up with ideas of how to make things easier, wanting updates on our latest conversations, and I think there is always someone putting our names in the temple every week. When I think about the situation on the other side of the pond, it is basically the same story. Tatiana and I have talked about when to possibly have a wedding and some of the details that go with that but overall it is still only talk. Mostly because I haven't taken the time to buy a ring and propose but I want to get to know her more and get to know her family before I take their little Tatiana away from them. I prefer to think of it as she is pursuing her dreams in America and they gained a pretty cool son-in-law instead, but again I need to meet them before anything happens. With that in mind, Tati has begun warming her family and friends up to this whole idea and I am so grateful for the responses she has had. If anything, this whole experience has reinforced to me how important the family is in our lives. I don't think we would be able to do this without them.
The biggest thing is that it isn't over. School, waiting to see her again, a lot of things have to happen and a lot of things are always changing but from my perspective it is all for the best. I just need to always take the time to recharge my batteries and then put my head down and keep going. This whole adventure feels like the long haul, but at the end of every race there is the final sprint and it is there where we find out how great our desire is. We have to push through all the way to the end and if we do our very best, we will in the end feel the peace, joy, and love that we have always been looking for.
going to be a bowl of Wendell's Cinnamon Toasted Crunchiness, I am going to give you a real update on what you would be expecting if for some odd reason you were hoping to hop into my shoes and see what it would be like to be me right now.The big stress recently is college. I have a lot to do and a lot to figure out in the next few weeks. I am starting to figure out what tests I need to take and what I need to do to apply to graduate school. This involves me taking the GRE and GMAT this summer and getting fantastic scores on them and also the miracle of doing well in my classes! My grades weren't exactly starting off the best this semester and with four out of five classes all riding somewhere in the "C"-range, I knew that there was some change in order. For the most part, I have chewed and clawed my way out of the hole I made for myself and I think by the end of the semester, I should end up with okay grades. My classes are just very difficult and when i explain my situation to my professors they basically either laugh or ask why I would set myself up like this for the third to last semester... and sometimes I just don't know how to respond. Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up:
I am at the point in my major where I am starting to take graduate or pre-graduate level courses of which this semester I am taking two (next Fall semester I will be taking only these types of classes so I think it will be a total of four... oh joy). Then there is my religion class that allows me to breathe and is a huge source of revelation and I have a wonderful professor. Lastly I have my two science classes that I think I need to take to apply for graduate school: anatomy and organic chemistry. Anatomy is straight memorization of terms and is basically a very hard yet interesting foreign language class. We get to look at the insides of dead people... if that isn't cool then I don't know what is! Then there is my organic chemistry class... it is the tool medical schools use to weed out the students that wouldn't cut it in the long run. And I am deciding to take all of these classes at the same time? No wonder I make my professors laugh in pity. And on top of that your grades always take a dive the semester when you begin to date your future spouse.
I said it... my future spouse. Tatiana and I have been doing really well! Don't get me wrong, the relationship can feel strained at times because of the distance, the time difference and the lack of being able to be with one another, but overall I couldn't ask for things to be better. A little strain on any muscle including the heart helps it grow and makes it stronger. Still, I don't know how we are able to pull it off because it is a rarity for us to miss a single day without Skyping. I send her daily emails and little private messages and posts on Facebook and to a variety of other inboxes and we just love and miss each other something fierce. It has been a blessing to see the growth we are both experiencing. And even though not everyone in Australia is happy with
the change, everyone that really matters to us has been there when we needed them. We have had to do a lot of soul searching, praying and reading our scriptures a lot, making time to go to the temple, and we are so very grateful for all the love and support we have received from friends and family alike.My friends here at BYU cut me a lot of slack when it comes to class notes, homework, and all the time I spend talking or thinking about her. Then there is my family. They are continually coming up with ideas of how to make things easier, wanting updates on our latest conversations, and I think there is always someone putting our names in the temple every week. When I think about the situation on the other side of the pond, it is basically the same story. Tatiana and I have talked about when to possibly have a wedding and some of the details that go with that but overall it is still only talk. Mostly because I haven't taken the time to buy a ring and propose but I want to get to know her more and get to know her family before I take their little Tatiana away from them. I prefer to think of it as she is pursuing her dreams in America and they gained a pretty cool son-in-law instead, but again I need to meet them before anything happens. With that in mind, Tati has begun warming her family and friends up to this whole idea and I am so grateful for the responses she has had. If anything, this whole experience has reinforced to me how important the family is in our lives. I don't think we would be able to do this without them.
The biggest thing is that it isn't over. School, waiting to see her again, a lot of things have to happen and a lot of things are always changing but from my perspective it is all for the best. I just need to always take the time to recharge my batteries and then put my head down and keep going. This whole adventure feels like the long haul, but at the end of every race there is the final sprint and it is there where we find out how great our desire is. We have to push through all the way to the end and if we do our very best, we will in the end feel the peace, joy, and love that we have always been looking for.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Making My Way
Every day I feel like this...
I just pray that she will always continue to feel the same way. And I hope that she enjoys the surprise I am making for her birthday. If you end up reading this, I love you honey. Always and forever...
I just pray that she will always continue to feel the same way. And I hope that she enjoys the surprise I am making for her birthday. If you end up reading this, I love you honey. Always and forever...
Monday, March 12, 2012
Looking for Help
I knew from the beginning that this semester was going to be difficult. I knew that I would pushed a lot harder and farther than I had before. This was the reason I ended up quitting my job between Fall and Winter, to make sure that I could devote enough time to my classes. And there are always distractions no matter what you do and it doesn't matter whether they are good or bad, you learn to balance that with your schoolwork. But the thing that bugs me the most, is when I feel like my very best is just never good enough.
I understand that it is okay to fail once in awhile but every time? I have been distracted this semester with a lot of different things and I understand that and with most of my classes I feel like I am trying to play catch up. But whether it is anatomy lab and not being able to identify parts on cadavers, organic chemistry and not understanding what type of reaction will occur and knowing exactly which reactants and catalysts are needed to generate specific products, or in my mechanical engineering classes and not understanding how to set up problems during tests when I feel like I understand it well enough to do the homework and projects and papers. It feels like it is just repeating over and over and over again and I don't understand if I misunderstand or what I am being asked when it comes to exams seems like there is a lack of communication so I don't feel like I have everything I need. I don't know what to do. I have gone to the teachers for help, I pray when I study and when I take my exams, I feel like I have it down and then I walk out and I realize I had no idea. The biggest issue is that I am at the point in my education where I can't be looking for do-overs or second chances. If anything, right now I am looking for a miracle. What do you do when you feel like you are able to do the busy work and the day to day but when it really counts you just aren't able to perform like you want to?
And this isn't me looking to throw in the towel by any means. I think I can still pull off an A or two with plenty of B's and C's to follow but if I don't get this figured out and quick, all of those could drop a whole letter grade and then I am in a real mess. And it isn't like it is just one class that is a problem... in fact, I only have one class that isn't a problem! The rest I am just trying to figure out how to survive the rest of the semester. If I can get through this, I am just hoping that this summer I will kill the GMAT and the GRE. That way I don't have to worry so much about my classes when it comes to applying to graduate school and then I can just get done what I have to and move on.
I understand that it is okay to fail once in awhile but every time? I have been distracted this semester with a lot of different things and I understand that and with most of my classes I feel like I am trying to play catch up. But whether it is anatomy lab and not being able to identify parts on cadavers, organic chemistry and not understanding what type of reaction will occur and knowing exactly which reactants and catalysts are needed to generate specific products, or in my mechanical engineering classes and not understanding how to set up problems during tests when I feel like I understand it well enough to do the homework and projects and papers. It feels like it is just repeating over and over and over again and I don't understand if I misunderstand or what I am being asked when it comes to exams seems like there is a lack of communication so I don't feel like I have everything I need. I don't know what to do. I have gone to the teachers for help, I pray when I study and when I take my exams, I feel like I have it down and then I walk out and I realize I had no idea. The biggest issue is that I am at the point in my education where I can't be looking for do-overs or second chances. If anything, right now I am looking for a miracle. What do you do when you feel like you are able to do the busy work and the day to day but when it really counts you just aren't able to perform like you want to?
And this isn't me looking to throw in the towel by any means. I think I can still pull off an A or two with plenty of B's and C's to follow but if I don't get this figured out and quick, all of those could drop a whole letter grade and then I am in a real mess. And it isn't like it is just one class that is a problem... in fact, I only have one class that isn't a problem! The rest I am just trying to figure out how to survive the rest of the semester. If I can get through this, I am just hoping that this summer I will kill the GMAT and the GRE. That way I don't have to worry so much about my classes when it comes to applying to graduate school and then I can just get done what I have to and move on.
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