I feel like I have reached a moment in my life where it is the calm before the storm, the starting line just before the gun sounds, the beginning of something greater. Because of that, I thought I would take the opportunity to look back and see how far I have come in accomplishing my goals for the year.
Well I wanted to keep my grades up and even though I had my lowest GPA I have ever received at BYU, which still happens to be above a 3.00 but not by much, I got a scholarship for next year. I have applied for graduation and I also have signed up to take the GRE and GMAT sometime this summer intermingled with my internship back at NxStage Medical again... so far so good on my goals. I was close enough to say that those ones were met but not in the exact way I anticipated. I also have bought my plane ticket for my vacation this summer to go see Tatiana over in Australia. I should be there for about a week in the beginning part of July but the tickets are bought and there is no turning back. At the same time, she and I have gotten very serious in our relationship and if things continue to go well, there is a high chance that we may be married before the year is through so I feel like I have been richly blessed, as there is nothing that I could have done to anticipate or deserve the chance to meet her and fall in love.
The last two or three goals are more of perpetual goals that deal more with creating strong, healthy habits, so I definitely feel like there is a lot more I can do in that regard. I can always read my scriptures more and pray more often. I definitely can use the exercise and there are always different ways I can improve my health. It is one thing to say that you roll out of bed in the morning and it is another thing to physically have to do it. I am not that bad quite yet but if I am playing to head to Australia, it would be nice to have a beach body even though it will be their winter, just in case.
Anyways, during this down time I have been working a lot and when I am not working, I am thinking. I have often wondered how my life is going to pan out. Am I going to be able to figure things out? I will need to figure out how to work out where and how to deal with medical insurance, minimize and pay bills and taxes, what Master's programs I want to apply for and if I am eligible, and just a variety of other things. Will I be a good husband? Will I remember to do all the little things like I used to? Will I remember to make sure that we will discuss things that need to be decided together so I will not make any hasty decisions but will have already checked with my wife if certain decisions need her opinion and approval. Will I remember to be mindful of her and her feelings and emotions? I will need to be teachable so that I will learn many different things about her and how it is to live together as a couple. And I haven't even touched the surface when it comes to expanding our family to include children.
I realize that to expect us both as individuals and as a couple to remain the same is foolish. We are always changing and I need to be looking for those changes. When we have life-changing events together, such as graduating from college, being accepted into a particular program, a serious job offer, moving to a different home, marriage, starting a family, the list is endless... but when those events occur and they will, I need to be aware that things will be different. I do not say this next thing out of pride but out of self-awareness, but I am a very giving person and do very little or ask very little for myself. I pamper the ones I love and it makes me happy, but in any healthy relationship, things need to be mutual to some degree. In these life-changing moments, I need to recognize that I will need to be there to support her but I hope that she in turn will recognize that I will need her to support me just as much and I need to let her. If we really are to love and cherish one another for eternity, we need to serve but also give the opportunity for our spouse to serve us as well. One of them can not make it without the other but it is by working together and complimenting each other's personalities through the strengths and weaknesses that both people possess that will allow happiness and love to grow in the relationship. And of course it will be easier said than done.
Back to the present though, I feel like I have had many different things happen in my life that I can count as real blessings. I have the opportunity to work this summer, I have achieved and progressed in many of my goals, I am healthy and happy (some of the time according to my parents...), and I am in a beautiful relationship with my very best friend who loves me as much as I love her. Things are certainly not easy but my life has shown me that I should never expect them to be. There are too many variables, too many experiences and lessons that we need to learn, life is something that in order to be happy and to have those moments where you can feel true and utter joy, we will have to choose to do hard things. Success is not defined in always accomplishing those things that we set out to do but in progressing and learning as we try and give our best effort. It is in investing ourselves in the things that we do. In the end, I am sure you can tell that there are a lot of things that are changing in my life over the next couple of months. I am just praying and hoping that I will be able to keep up and everything will work out in the end.
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