emotions. There isn't one thing that goes untouched. The problem is not the fact that I am always fighting within myself between selfish and selfless motives, love and lust, and a variety of other things. The problem is that I already know for which of these options I would want to submit to but the pain comes from the fact that at times I find myself choosing the alternative. In every way we can justify or judge the things that we do and most of the time we are toughest on ourselves. This struggle is more painful because even if we do find some happiness it is short-lived as we wander back into the dark. You have to pick one or the other because you can't have both.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
The Eternal Struggle
The biggest thing that keeps me up at night, takes away my sleep and my happiness, is in the end this battle I have inside myself. It makes me second guess my choices, my motives, and my 
emotions. There isn't one thing that goes untouched. The problem is not the fact that I am always fighting within myself between selfish and selfless motives, love and lust, and a variety of other things. The problem is that I already know for which of these options I would want to submit to but the pain comes from the fact that at times I find myself choosing the alternative. In every way we can justify or judge the things that we do and most of the time we are toughest on ourselves. This struggle is more painful because even if we do find some happiness it is short-lived as we wander back into the dark. You have to pick one or the other because you can't have both.
emotions. There isn't one thing that goes untouched. The problem is not the fact that I am always fighting within myself between selfish and selfless motives, love and lust, and a variety of other things. The problem is that I already know for which of these options I would want to submit to but the pain comes from the fact that at times I find myself choosing the alternative. In every way we can justify or judge the things that we do and most of the time we are toughest on ourselves. This struggle is more painful because even if we do find some happiness it is short-lived as we wander back into the dark. You have to pick one or the other because you can't have both.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Utah YSA Wards
In the church, there is a system that we have because we are so focused on families where we have congregations completely made up of young single adults (YSA Wards). The system is perfectly structured for one simple purpose... make people date and help them get married. I swear that the church promotes the bunny effect sometimes where if you put enough rabbits in the same area the population will just boom. So I guess I hate to say it but really the concept is great but I have always not been great at working with the system.
People are attracted to certain styles I have figured out. Girls are not always considered attractive by who they are but how they present themselves, what they wear, what their style
is, etc. I honestly might find one girl super attractive but after getting to know her be completely turned off, and the exact opposite also holds true. I might not immediately notice someone because I wasn't attracted or like their style but once I get to know them I can realize how well we would have hit it off if I wasn't so distracted by other things. And though I would love to outline what exactly is my style... Besides the fact that it would be cheating for a girl to know that, I can't really pin it down exactly.
This all is interrelated because I signed up for of all things speed dating in my YSA Ward. I guess what I am getting at is because I have figured out that there are more things to someone than the presentation, I am just praying that other people have too. Typically I can leave a good first impression but this week had been super long and I just wasn't ready to go out tonight. The one person I was most excited to get to know I feel like I made the worst first impression of the night. It was one of those that if I get to see the video of my life, I would be sitting there giving commentary and ask myself why I said and did what I did. Seriously, I just wish things would come together just once. Still, I am going to ask her out for another date, bet on the fact that she sees past first impressions, and hope for the best.
People are attracted to certain styles I have figured out. Girls are not always considered attractive by who they are but how they present themselves, what they wear, what their style
is, etc. I honestly might find one girl super attractive but after getting to know her be completely turned off, and the exact opposite also holds true. I might not immediately notice someone because I wasn't attracted or like their style but once I get to know them I can realize how well we would have hit it off if I wasn't so distracted by other things. And though I would love to outline what exactly is my style... Besides the fact that it would be cheating for a girl to know that, I can't really pin it down exactly.This all is interrelated because I signed up for of all things speed dating in my YSA Ward. I guess what I am getting at is because I have figured out that there are more things to someone than the presentation, I am just praying that other people have too. Typically I can leave a good first impression but this week had been super long and I just wasn't ready to go out tonight. The one person I was most excited to get to know I feel like I made the worst first impression of the night. It was one of those that if I get to see the video of my life, I would be sitting there giving commentary and ask myself why I said and did what I did. Seriously, I just wish things would come together just once. Still, I am going to ask her out for another date, bet on the fact that she sees past first impressions, and hope for the best.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Positive Perspectives
I have been spending a lot of time making friends this semester. I wish I could say the same about my studies, my work, and my calling. I feel like I can never completely catch up with any of those, but when it comes to making new friendships, I think I have been doing well. My roommates are both really chill guys. Ben is from Utah and recently got engaged this weekend to his wonderful fiance, Fatima. My other roommate, Ryan, is an awesome guy with a fantastic girlfriend. They are good for each other. Ryan and I have been able to do a lot of things together and I feel like we have gotten to know one another really well. I wish the best for them both.
The rest of my ward is about the same. I have met plenty of people who all have touched me in different ways. I guess I could go through them all one by one but I can leave it at that. I think
this a good start considering that I am still learning to live with and love myself. This may be a lifelong pursuit but I am trying to be as patient as I can. I work hard, love long, and try to be the best example I can be, but I realize there is always more that I can do. I know there is more that I want to do with my life but more importantly, I am trying to do what I am supposed to right now. Enjoy the life that is around you, even the rain and that darkened puddle along the way. I hope that I can recognize and take advantage of all the blessings in my life as they come along.
I guess what I am trying to say is that things can be tough. Things can happen that upset our most carefully made plans. We can be frustrated at times. But in the end, realize that we will make it through and we will be able to pick ourselves up and move on. My week has been everything far from a bed of roses, unless you are accounting for the thorns. I must have needed
to learn a few things. Patience is being willing to accept God's timing for us by using the time that He has given us. Be grateful for the blessings you have, learn to love the ones around you, and be patiently obedient. God loves you and He will turn all our experiences for our good if we trust Him as we follow the counsel that He gives us. Let us be sincere in all that we do and be happy. All we need to live in this world is to realize that it will be difficult but that we can take it head on with a smile and positive perspective.
The rest of my ward is about the same. I have met plenty of people who all have touched me in different ways. I guess I could go through them all one by one but I can leave it at that. I think
this a good start considering that I am still learning to live with and love myself. This may be a lifelong pursuit but I am trying to be as patient as I can. I work hard, love long, and try to be the best example I can be, but I realize there is always more that I can do. I know there is more that I want to do with my life but more importantly, I am trying to do what I am supposed to right now. Enjoy the life that is around you, even the rain and that darkened puddle along the way. I hope that I can recognize and take advantage of all the blessings in my life as they come along.I guess what I am trying to say is that things can be tough. Things can happen that upset our most carefully made plans. We can be frustrated at times. But in the end, realize that we will make it through and we will be able to pick ourselves up and move on. My week has been everything far from a bed of roses, unless you are accounting for the thorns. I must have needed
to learn a few things. Patience is being willing to accept God's timing for us by using the time that He has given us. Be grateful for the blessings you have, learn to love the ones around you, and be patiently obedient. God loves you and He will turn all our experiences for our good if we trust Him as we follow the counsel that He gives us. Let us be sincere in all that we do and be happy. All we need to live in this world is to realize that it will be difficult but that we can take it head on with a smile and positive perspective.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
All About Following Your Impressions and Timing
This post is in complete response to my religion class which had an impact on me today... Go figure, huh? We were talking about impressions and how God will sometimes tell you to do something or tell you not to or maybe just allow you to make your own decision and will just get back to you later. I believe all of that so the part that was interesting to me was the professor's application of the principle.
He began by talking about his dating life in college. There was a girl he had dated in high school from his small hometown in southern Utah and when they had both graduated and came to BYU, there is no escaping someone in a small Utah town but in Provo he gave into his fear. He was afraid of where things were going and even though he hadn't spoken to her in over two months he had continued praying about whether or not she was girl he was supposed to marry. Eventually he felt like he should do what he felt he should have done all along and give her call. She wasn't there because she had gone home for the weekend, so delightfully he left a message to have her call him back. It would have been to stressful and nerve-racking to actually talk to her. In any case, his dad calls and lets him know the news; she is engaged. So the next week he hears back from her and she asks what he was calling for. He tells her he was just calling to congratulate her on her engagement. For the next six years of his single life, a specific scripture continually came to mind, "Behold, it was expedient when you commenced; but you feared, and the time is past, and it is not expedient now." (Doctrine and Covenants 9:11)
In time, the blessing of marriage didn't escape him completely. Once he turned 29 years old, he was no longer single and eventually married his wonderful wife. He did learn his lesson. The other interesting thing was that again even in the celestial room of the temple as he was about to get sealed, he became afraid. He was about to make a covenant that had eternal implications. He wasn't praying about a major or where to live, things he could change, he was praying about who to be married to for time and all eternity. The consequences of this choice would forever change his life and the lives of others. As the pressure continued to build, his fiance noting his emotions, well long story short, he never got the impression to go for it and followed his gut and the feelings he had before and got married. It wasn't until afterwards that he knew he made the right choice.
The lessons he had learned from all these things were that he couldn't let fear keep him from making the right decision. If he felt like he needed to do something, he should follow the impression (as long as it made sense and was according to his standards and principles, of course). Impressions are given for us to act on them, in the time that they were given. If he had followed the impression to date his high school sweetheart things could have played out very differently but the time had passed he no longer could do what he originally felt prompted to do. Don't date someone's fiance. Don't date someone's wife. Write that down if you need to... But lastly, he pointed out something truly significant. Not only did he remember the impressions and feelings he had when dating his own wife, but in the end, marrying her was his decision. It wasn't the Lord's decision. He couldn't blame God if it didn't work out. He chose her out of everyone else in the world to be his eternal companion and she chose him. God let him know that his choice was the right one, but allowed him to make it his choice. I just felt that it was truly significant, at least for me.
Learning to recognize promptings, following your feelings, and remembering the Lord in your life will help us all find the blessings and joy and happiness that God has always been wanting and intending for us to enjoy. The Gift of the Holy Ghost is so very crucial in achieving our temporal and also divine potential and in our becoming even as He is. Simply put,when the Spirit speaks... Just do it.
He began by talking about his dating life in college. There was a girl he had dated in high school from his small hometown in southern Utah and when they had both graduated and came to BYU, there is no escaping someone in a small Utah town but in Provo he gave into his fear. He was afraid of where things were going and even though he hadn't spoken to her in over two months he had continued praying about whether or not she was girl he was supposed to marry. Eventually he felt like he should do what he felt he should have done all along and give her call. She wasn't there because she had gone home for the weekend, so delightfully he left a message to have her call him back. It would have been to stressful and nerve-racking to actually talk to her. In any case, his dad calls and lets him know the news; she is engaged. So the next week he hears back from her and she asks what he was calling for. He tells her he was just calling to congratulate her on her engagement. For the next six years of his single life, a specific scripture continually came to mind, "Behold, it was expedient when you commenced; but you feared, and the time is past, and it is not expedient now." (Doctrine and Covenants 9:11)
In time, the blessing of marriage didn't escape him completely. Once he turned 29 years old, he was no longer single and eventually married his wonderful wife. He did learn his lesson. The other interesting thing was that again even in the celestial room of the temple as he was about to get sealed, he became afraid. He was about to make a covenant that had eternal implications. He wasn't praying about a major or where to live, things he could change, he was praying about who to be married to for time and all eternity. The consequences of this choice would forever change his life and the lives of others. As the pressure continued to build, his fiance noting his emotions, well long story short, he never got the impression to go for it and followed his gut and the feelings he had before and got married. It wasn't until afterwards that he knew he made the right choice.
The lessons he had learned from all these things were that he couldn't let fear keep him from making the right decision. If he felt like he needed to do something, he should follow the impression (as long as it made sense and was according to his standards and principles, of course). Impressions are given for us to act on them, in the time that they were given. If he had followed the impression to date his high school sweetheart things could have played out very differently but the time had passed he no longer could do what he originally felt prompted to do. Don't date someone's fiance. Don't date someone's wife. Write that down if you need to... But lastly, he pointed out something truly significant. Not only did he remember the impressions and feelings he had when dating his own wife, but in the end, marrying her was his decision. It wasn't the Lord's decision. He couldn't blame God if it didn't work out. He chose her out of everyone else in the world to be his eternal companion and she chose him. God let him know that his choice was the right one, but allowed him to make it his choice. I just felt that it was truly significant, at least for me.
Learning to recognize promptings, following your feelings, and remembering the Lord in your life will help us all find the blessings and joy and happiness that God has always been wanting and intending for us to enjoy. The Gift of the Holy Ghost is so very crucial in achieving our temporal and also divine potential and in our becoming even as He is. Simply put,when the Spirit speaks... Just do it.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Patience... Ugh!
Sometimes I wonder if life truly needs to be as hard as it is or am I just subconsciously making things more difficult for myself than they need to be. Either way, I hope that when it is all said and done I will appreciate what I learned from it all. I pray that I might learn patience, remember who 
I am and my covenants, and in the end, someone will appreciate the character I have become because all these experiences are sure making me into quite the character. The biggest thing I am grateful for at the moment is the fact that at the end of the day, I have faith that tomorrow will come and it has the chance of being better than the one it followed. A new page is a new start.
I am and my covenants, and in the end, someone will appreciate the character I have become because all these experiences are sure making me into quite the character. The biggest thing I am grateful for at the moment is the fact that at the end of the day, I have faith that tomorrow will come and it has the chance of being better than the one it followed. A new page is a new start."But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for." (Paulo Coelho)
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Music Is My Life
There is one thing when a music artist writes a sensational song but it is a totally different ballgame when they then match that with an astoundingly creative music video. I was doing my laundry this morning and between some really well fought out college football games I was perusing VH1 and these are just a few of some outstanding artists that got my immediate approval.
4. Gavin DeGraw - "Not Over You"
3. One Republic - "Good Life"
2. Lady Antebellum - "Just A Kiss"
1. Coldplay - "Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall"
4. Gavin DeGraw - "Not Over You"
3. One Republic - "Good Life"
2. Lady Antebellum - "Just A Kiss"
1. Coldplay - "Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall"
Tonight Tonight Remix
"Work It All Out"
(To the tune of Tonight Tonight by Hot Chelle Rae)
Never knew how to tell you no
Always doing what you said so
But the thing that really blew my mind
Is I still think of you all of the time
La la la, whatever, la la la, it doesn't matter
La la la, oh well, la la la
Where did you go? No blame
But it never has been quite just the same
If I need change - I'd change the time and do it over again
Whenever I see her face it, takes me from this place yet
And I need some change, she's it, again
We got into a fight last night
Don't remember who was wrong or right
Now it's all said and done
Still wish you didn't feel like you had to run
La la la, whatever, la la la, it doesn't matter
La la la, oh well, la la la
Where did you go? No blame
But it never has been quite just the same
If I need change - I'd change the time and do it over again
Whenever I see her face it, takes me from this place yet
And I need some change, she's it, again
You got me feeling like
Woah, come on, ohh, it doesn't matter
Woah, everybody now, ohh
Don't stop talkin', let's keep this goin'
I'll be there for you, won't let you fall down
It's my story be who I want to
We can get crazy work it all out
Don't stop talkin', let's keep this goin'
I'll be there for you, won't let you fall down
It's my story be who I want to
We can get crazy work it all out
It's you and me and we're getting bit loud
And it's me and you and we're drawing a crowd
But they can watch if they want to because I will love you
Everbody
Woah, come on, ohh, all you animals,
Woah, let me hear you now, ohh
Where did you go? No blame
But it never has been quite just the same
If I need change - I'd change the time and do it over again
Whenever I see her face it, takes me from this place yet
I will need some change, she's it, again
And I need some change, she's it, again
Yeah it's all right, all right, tonight, tonight
Just singing like
Woah, come on, ohh, all you party people
Woah, all you singletons, ohh, even the white kids
Don't stop talkin', let's keep this goin'
I'll be there for you, won't let you fall down
It's my story be who I want to
We can get crazy work it all out
Don't stop talkin', let's keep this goin'
I'll be there for you, won't let you fall down
It's my story be who I want to
We can get crazy work it all out
(To the tune of Tonight Tonight by Hot Chelle Rae)
Never knew how to tell you no
Always doing what you said so
But the thing that really blew my mind
Is I still think of you all of the time
La la la, whatever, la la la, it doesn't matter
La la la, oh well, la la la
Where did you go? No blame
But it never has been quite just the same
If I need change - I'd change the time and do it over again
Whenever I see her face it, takes me from this place yet
And I need some change, she's it, again
We got into a fight last night
Don't remember who was wrong or right
Now it's all said and done
Still wish you didn't feel like you had to run
La la la, whatever, la la la, it doesn't matter
La la la, oh well, la la la
Where did you go? No blame
But it never has been quite just the same
If I need change - I'd change the time and do it over again
Whenever I see her face it, takes me from this place yet
And I need some change, she's it, again
You got me feeling like
Woah, come on, ohh, it doesn't matter
Woah, everybody now, ohh
Don't stop talkin', let's keep this goin'
I'll be there for you, won't let you fall down
It's my story be who I want to
We can get crazy work it all out
Don't stop talkin', let's keep this goin'
I'll be there for you, won't let you fall down
It's my story be who I want to
We can get crazy work it all out
It's you and me and we're getting bit loud
And it's me and you and we're drawing a crowd
But they can watch if they want to because I will love you
Everbody
Woah, come on, ohh, all you animals,
Woah, let me hear you now, ohh
Where did you go? No blame
But it never has been quite just the same
If I need change - I'd change the time and do it over again
Whenever I see her face it, takes me from this place yet
I will need some change, she's it, again
And I need some change, she's it, again
Yeah it's all right, all right, tonight, tonight
Just singing like
Woah, come on, ohh, all you party people
Woah, all you singletons, ohh, even the white kids
Don't stop talkin', let's keep this goin'
I'll be there for you, won't let you fall down
It's my story be who I want to
We can get crazy work it all out
Don't stop talkin', let's keep this goin'
I'll be there for you, won't let you fall down
It's my story be who I want to
We can get crazy work it all out
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Patiently Smiling and Loving Life
I don't know what it is but I love talking to complete strangers like we are long time friends. This week is the beginning of the Fall semester and being a senior I have a lot of friends in all of my classes and some of the professors have gone from the "weeding-you-out-and-trying-to-grind-all-confidence-you-have-in-your-choice-in-majors" type to the class clowns. I don't think I have had this many professors that I have really enjoyed at the same time while being completely petrified of the subject matter and the syllabi that they are giving us. Here is a great example...
I was in class yesterday and the teacher was trying to just test us on basic material that was supposed to be foundational to the class. At first I figured that I was doing well until we started going over the answers and defending our positions. I honestly batted a thousand! I was completely and utterly wrong on so many things but at the same time, the professor just explained them as simply as he could and kept on going. Lecture was the same way. I don't think I had so thoroughly enjoyed being so utterly confused. It was fantastic! But at the same time, I think I may be in serious trouble this semester.
And surprisingly enough, this all ties back into the idea of talking to perfect strangers. You know the time where you are in a computer lab or at the printer and you hear someone make that sigh that you personally avoid. The sigh of desperation and exhaustion that means something to the effect, "there is not one more thing that I could possibly think that could go wrong but really do I honestly care anymore?" Well of course my curiosity got the better of me and we began talking and asking what was the matter. She was frustrated that again she couldn't get the notes and textbook she needed to finish her homework that she needed done for her psychology class. I wished her luck, told her that she would figure it out, and it wouldn't be that big of a deal soon. Well, she turned the conversation back to me asking what classes I was taking and I struggled to name off all the technical names. She started to smile and laugh a little. "I'm sorry but that just sounds so boring..." I was caught so off guard by her smile and brutal honesty but it just made me laugh. It did sound pretty boring in comparison to becoming a psychologist and owning your own firm, comfy office with a view, and if your clients have to cancel, you always have that cushy couch to take a cat nap on. By the time our conversation was finished she left and I just wanted to sarcastically thank her for telling me how stupid of a choice I had made and how I should rethink my life but all in good humor. It just amazes me how just having a positive attitude and outlook on things, being able to laugh about the small stuff, and being able to work through the big things, life can't get you down. There is so much we don't know that we shouldn't let those things escape us but we should push through and conquer them. Live life, ya know?
There are too many people caught up in little things that they never see the world around them. I can't begin to count the amount of people who have their heads down in their cell phones, stuck on their news feeds in Facebook, whatever... One girl practically walked into me because of a conversation she was having through texts. She apologized as we both smiled and she tried to explain it real fast. I just wanted to shake her out of it! I wanted to reach down and kiss her softly and tell her, "That text can't possibly be that important. Live a little." But I knew that a smile, a soft laugh and a shake of the head would have to do. Seriously people, wake up. Live a little. Love a lot more.
I was in class yesterday and the teacher was trying to just test us on basic material that was supposed to be foundational to the class. At first I figured that I was doing well until we started going over the answers and defending our positions. I honestly batted a thousand! I was completely and utterly wrong on so many things but at the same time, the professor just explained them as simply as he could and kept on going. Lecture was the same way. I don't think I had so thoroughly enjoyed being so utterly confused. It was fantastic! But at the same time, I think I may be in serious trouble this semester.
And surprisingly enough, this all ties back into the idea of talking to perfect strangers. You know the time where you are in a computer lab or at the printer and you hear someone make that sigh that you personally avoid. The sigh of desperation and exhaustion that means something to the effect, "there is not one more thing that I could possibly think that could go wrong but really do I honestly care anymore?" Well of course my curiosity got the better of me and we began talking and asking what was the matter. She was frustrated that again she couldn't get the notes and textbook she needed to finish her homework that she needed done for her psychology class. I wished her luck, told her that she would figure it out, and it wouldn't be that big of a deal soon. Well, she turned the conversation back to me asking what classes I was taking and I struggled to name off all the technical names. She started to smile and laugh a little. "I'm sorry but that just sounds so boring..." I was caught so off guard by her smile and brutal honesty but it just made me laugh. It did sound pretty boring in comparison to becoming a psychologist and owning your own firm, comfy office with a view, and if your clients have to cancel, you always have that cushy couch to take a cat nap on. By the time our conversation was finished she left and I just wanted to sarcastically thank her for telling me how stupid of a choice I had made and how I should rethink my life but all in good humor. It just amazes me how just having a positive attitude and outlook on things, being able to laugh about the small stuff, and being able to work through the big things, life can't get you down. There is so much we don't know that we shouldn't let those things escape us but we should push through and conquer them. Live life, ya know?
There are too many people caught up in little things that they never see the world around them. I can't begin to count the amount of people who have their heads down in their cell phones, stuck on their news feeds in Facebook, whatever... One girl practically walked into me because of a conversation she was having through texts. She apologized as we both smiled and she tried to explain it real fast. I just wanted to shake her out of it! I wanted to reach down and kiss her softly and tell her, "That text can't possibly be that important. Live a little." But I knew that a smile, a soft laugh and a shake of the head would have to do. Seriously people, wake up. Live a little. Love a lot more.
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