The Eternal Struggle

The biggest thing that keeps me up at night, takes away my sleep and my happiness, is in the end this battle I have inside myself. It makes me second guess my choices, my motives, and my emotions. There isn't one thing that goes untouched. The problem is not the fact that I am always fighting within myself between selfish and selfless motives, love and lust, and a variety of other things. The problem is that I already know for which of these options I would want to submit to but the pain comes from the fact that at times I find myself choosing the alternative. In every way we can justify or judge the things that we do and most of the time we are toughest on ourselves. This struggle is more painful because even if we do find some happiness it is short-lived as we wander back into the dark. You have to pick one or the other because you can't have both.