The fight within myself is apparent for everyone to see. I was asking a friend for some feedback and criticism on how I can improve. He responded with a few things about improving the way I present myself and my personal brand but he also responded with a question, "What do you want to get out of the program you are in?" I replied that I was looking to become conversant in business, proficient in the strategy and processes, expand my network, and improve my soft skills. His response was a realization that I shouldn't worry about any of those things except the last one. He said I was strong in all those areas except soft skills because I can come off double-sided.The struggle I am facing is myself. Professionally and socially I can be overly aggressive. I can have a great sales pitch, charisma, persuasion, and confidence however, I lack patience. When I can improve my standing or there is something I really want, I become a different person that is willing to jump in, control and manipulate a situation, and race for that opportunity. It is a person that is clearly different from the person that wants to help people, enjoys a laugh, and looks to lead from within. I stop focusing on anyone but myself. I have to change this before it destroys all the different parts of my life: spiritual, social, professional, etc.
When I go to Japan next month, I am going to watch the executives that we will visit closely. It is hard for me even to know what negotiations would look like on an executive level because I am so accustomed to when both parties are aggressive in what they want. I feel like I will have A LOT to learn when I visit that country. In the meantime, I don't have to wait a month for myself to change so I am going to make small adjustments now. I don't have to feel like I am second rate or invisible any more. I have value but I have to be able to see it even when others do not.
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