"Christmas Eve"

by Bill Watterson

On window panes, the icy frost

Leaves feathered patterns, crissed and crossed,

But in our house the christmas tree,

Is decorated festively

With tiny dots of colored light

That cozy up this winter night.

Christmas songs, familiar, slow,

Play softly on the radio.

Pops and hisses from the fire

Whistle with the bells and choir.

My tiger is now fast asleep

On his back and dreaming deep.

When the fire makes him hot,

He turns to warm whatever's not.

Propped against him on the rug,

I give my friend a gentle hug.

Tomorrow's what I'm waiting for.

But I can wait a little more.

6,802,731,514

As of Decemeber 11, 2009, the world's population is estimated to be 6,802,731,514. That is a lot people. And out of all of those people, I am but one. But I feel like I can make a difference. Out of that 6.8 billion people there are those that are evil. And there are those that are good that fight against evil. There are those that are searching for something. And those that are about to find that really they have had what they were looking for all along.

There are those that pretend to be happy, and those that truly have found joy in their lives. There are those that feel like they are on the edge of giving in if it wasn't for one more day. And there are those that find unknown strength within themselves to overcome what seems like impossible odds. I think that I am all of these. And all I look for is one person that would love me as much as I can love them. I have never been very good at probability or counting the odds, but then again I am not really interested in knowing them anyways. Because though there may be 6,802,731,513 wrong ways for me to fall into love, all I need is one way to make it all worth it.

Walk Cycle

The very last project I have in my animation class is a walk cycle. To begin, I worked on this over Thanksgiving break, so I worked on it for a long time. And when I did do it, it turned out something like this... Walking to the Gym is the first draft.

So my professor's response was less than what I wanted to hear or expected. I had a two day deadline and she said it was too realistic. There would be too many things I would need to change to make it polished. The head was moving in a circle, the proportions were a little off, and the list would go on and on. At first I was discouraged. She was basically saying, good try but it is too difficult. Start over. So what did I do... jumped back up on that bucking bronco more determined and got to work. The result was called Self-Conscious Nude Beaches.

Well, I had a little more time on my hand, and since I don't like nudity... I decided to give the poor sap some clothes. And since, he had my original mood from when I was told to start over, I thought I would dress him like me. Here is my final version of The Mopey Walk.

Things just happen...

I have always wanted someone that could make me forget about everyone else. A person that could make me not want to ever look at anyone else because I am so interested, infatuated, and involved both emotionally and mentally. I finally find someone that is like that and I screw it up. I think it is interesting that it just always seems to happen that way. I might just not be ready right now or maybe I just need to be a little more patient. I will go with the latter, out of hopeful desire I guess. Either way, God is all I really need.

My Black Merona Leather Jacket

You ever have something that is eidetic? People can usually relate that to food, comfort food to be exact. Mine happens to be sushi. My family would always have rice on Sunday's for dinner. There would be chicken or some other main dish too, but rice was typically a part of it. And it was always sticky white rice. The kind that balls up really easily altogether. But we would get sushi on special occasions. And it wasn't just the sushi, it was the wasabi and the ginger. The smell and the taste are unforgettable. If you weren't careful that small green paste would almost clean you right out. So whenever I smell or eat or think about rice it brings back wonderful childhood memories.

This same type of thing I realized happens with me when, of all things, I wear my leather jacket. This jacket is pretty simple. Just a thin black leather jacket with a collar, pockets, and a full-length zipper down the front. But it is special to me for many reasons. I wear this jacket when I go to church. I wear it on dates. Plus, my parents both have ones that match the one I have and the one my brother has. I wear my leather jacket in the winter, which is one of my favorite times of the year because with winter comes Christmas. Christmas is sadly enough one of the few times where I finally can see people walking around smiling. So whether it is the fun times, the happy times, the times with my family, my friends, my mom, my dad, whatever it is when I wear that jacket it just opens me up and all of my senses. It is like a catalyst to a flood of memories and love. And so I can't help but feel better about myself when I wear it. And not only that, but when can a guy look better than in a good-looking and styling leather jacket? C'mon now...

Looking Too Hard

These last couple of days have been rather interesting, maybe even the last couple of weeks. I am impatient but I am changing this. I understood something tonight while I was dialing my phone. I am looking for someone and I haven't found them yet, or I have and I have yet to realize it. Because at times I want to express my undying love for people and at times I feel like it is all fake. That I said those things because I felt lonely. I knew that someday I will find that person that I am absolutely crazy about and I will know I found her, because she will be absolutely crazy about me too. I said those things because I had hoped that I already did find her. But I keep on looking. I haven't lost faith. For a time I did lose all hope of that day ever coming. And then I saw myself for a second from the outside looking in. It is my way of doing things... all or nothing. But again, it will happen eventually. I don't know when. But things happen to fall into place when they are just right. So it will just happen. I don't need to worry.

This whole time I had put that little problem too closely in front of my face that I couldn't see all the wonderful things in my life. I don't need to worry. God has given me so much that I do not deserve. In fact, I do not deserve anything really. But still, He has given me people who really do love me and worry about me. He has taken good care of me. I have a roof over my head. I have the Savior in my life. I have my health. I have my family. And I have my dreams.

I have a dream of living in my own home. Mine. No debt. Something that I can call my own. Maybe I will be an animator or maybe I will be an engineer. I think I will be an engineer. I think I will like that. But this is something I can share. And it will be a dream worth sharing, with a family. And kids. Lots of them. And a wife that I can share it with. Her similarities will help us understand each other and our differences will complement one another, making us complete. We won't be perfect and we will have our fights, our tough times, and all those things that lovers do. But we will make it through and we will do it together. It is not a lot. But it is enough. As long as I do it by doing what God asks. That way it doesn't have to stay a dream but can be an eternal reality. I can raise my children in the gospel. And I can watch them raise their children in the gospel. And eventually I will die and I will be happy and I will meet my Maker and He will say, well done. Welcome home and He will take me in His arms and I will know. I will know what dreams are really like and what love really is. And whoever she is, that special someone who I dream about. None of it would be worth it if she wasn't a part of it. It is the people in our lives that make our memories and moments special. She will be. She already is. She is my reason for living, my one and my only.

The World Is Just Scared

It is amazing how powerful words can be. They can inspire, enlighten, change the very world around us and the way we feel inside us. But sometimes this power frightens people. Saying somethings can produce some very interesting responses. For instance, the word love seems so underused contrary to common belief.

I am unusual in this but I believe that I truly do love people that I barely know. I have an uncanny ability of after a first impression to be able to find people's beneficial qualities and characteristics. I can see whether or not they have been hurt in the past and how. I don't know if it is a gift or a curse because I want to help them. And I have come to realize that the two best healers for those who are in pain, which really is all of us in some degree, is time and love. I am still working on the first one but I truly do love people. Each person is special but we can often forget as we see all these things in others that we forget it in ourselves. Or in the other extreme, we cannot find love because we can only see ourselves. Pride or doubt. Again the cure is love because true love is the opposes both of these. Love is selfless and confident.

I think that these two things are again what scares people the most. That anyone could love them so quickly or so quickly but to be confident enough to express it as well. There are people that I care for deeply that will never say those three words to me. Yet, I can say it to them unequivocally and with sincerity. Still, is that so wrong? I am confident and I love with confidence. Yes, it is immature at first but it is real. And like anything else, it can grow if it is given time and attention. At first, I'm not willing to do everything for my friends. Everything is not enough. I am willing to do anything. Many times, this is used against me but it still doesn't stop me. I learn from it and I grow because of it.

I am a lover. I am a giver. And I'm not afraid to say what I think and feel. I go against the world. It is fear of the truth. But the truth just doesn't disappear or go away. So I will keep on dreaming and living and loving. Three little words that mean so much that are never said enough. The world is just scared.

SacMan

The new and revised version... (below)