Finding Peace When I'm Impatient

People are funny. We tend to not be as grateful as we should. Some people may be more richly blessed than others in different ways: material things, appearance and beauty, physical health, family, faith, intelligence, etc. However, we tend to see things we don't have. I don't have an internship that pays yet. I haven't paid off college yet. I haven't finished school yet. I'm not married yet. I don't have a girlfriend yet. I haven't. I want. I need. I am part of the problem. I'm not perfect yet nor will I.

If we are going to be thinking about ourselves, then let's think about our pasts and our present. Let's be grateful for what we have learned and what we have been given. Our greatest trials can be our greatest blessings if we look to serve and to learn from them. We all need to move forward and move on but we also don't want to continue to repeat our pasts. Like one of my good buddies for instance. He met a girl he had a solid conversation with, super cute, into sundresses (and who doesn't like a girl that looks great in a sundress?), triathlete, and after being super flirty with him, he walked away like he was the boss but forgot the crucial ingredient... Her phone number. It was one of those experiences where you are sitting on the edge of your seat thinking he struck gold and then...

But at the same time, all he had to do and which he eventually did was pull a Edward move from Twilight and stick around long enough that he could get her number. Now, they will be married by Wednesday. People in Utah get married faster than average. Any slower and she might be confused if he actually likes her. But whether my issues with gratitude are actually issues with impatience, I will find out eventually. Things will fall into place. But in the meantime, I just need to learn to find happiness peace wherever I can and not get upset when it isn't as easy as I would like.

The Grint

In case you didn't already know, I am a bit of an avid golfer. I may not be "Lefty" or the "Golden Bear" but I do have a love for the game and it is something that is relaxing for me regardless of my skill. My analytical part of my mind however loves to look at statistics and see if there are specific areas of my game where I should focus on for improvement. My golfing partners would say all of it but the question I wanted answered was what specifically are my greatest strengths and biggest weaknesses. So I looked around and found an interesting mobile app called The Grint.

"Grint" is a term which means to shoot par or better (below par). Par is the average score that an average golfer would shoot on a specific hole. Tonight I finished playing a round of 18 holes and posted my score to the app and began looking at the free statistics that it had calculated. It posted everything from putting, overall score, driving accuracy, statistics for types of holes such as par 3 versus a par 5 hole. It also had statistics for when I shot 9 holes compared to when I shot 18 holes.

9 Holes	18 Holes

Hopefully, I will continue to improve and I thought it was fascinating to see things like I shoot better overall when I play a full round versus 9 holes but my putting doesn't improve. Only my short game and my mid-irons. I tend to hit fairways more often on par 5's versus par 4's. Still, no matter what information I can glean from the game, I feel like I will always have a love for it. It is by far, the greatest game I have ever played.

New Life Lessons

Life is filled with learning experiences. Some struggles I have been able to overcome and some I have carried with me for as long as I remember. However, the ones that I carry, I do my best to learn from them and to use them to help the people I meet. I read once that,

"the people who exhibit the most kindness have experienced a lot of pain. The ones who act like they don't need love, are the ones that need it more. The ones who take care of everyone else's needs are the ones who need it most. And the people who smile a lot may be the ones who cry when there is no one around." - Unknown

 Just the other night a friend of mine told me how she loved that I am always so nice and so happy. Now, I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I am a very self-reflective person. I try my best to learn from my past and apply it to my present. I think this is the reason that I love to learn about psychology. I feel like it is a study of the way people think and how we perceive the world. If we can see things differently or from alternate points of view then we can empathize and understand other people and their realities. Everyone forms their own opinions and thoughts on people, circumstances, events, things, and those opinions are real and true to them and they form their reality. Everyone is different so even though two realities may contrast one another, it doesn't mean that either of them are any less true to that person. Yet, there are some people who look for absolute and fundamental truths. They look for meaning.

Yesterday, I had to take some time to relax from my job search for this summer. I have hit many roadblocks along the way and I am still struggling but I decided that it was going to be a good day for golf. I had some plans originally and when those fell through, I made new ones. And while I was out on the golf course, I got matched up with a man who was raised a Christian but since then had fallen out of his faith and no longer believed in fairy tales. It is hard to help people who don't believe in miracles. The amazing thing is you can see the miracles all around you each and every day. The way that the earth and all life is perfectly in balance, how the world naturally heals itself, and how all manner of life is created from the combining of two microscopic cells. Still, the man I met had so many questions and wasn't looking for answers as much as he was looking to feel peace about his decision.

"Yeah, I always felt a man's grip on his club just like a man's grip on his world..."

I recently watched a few films about golf that have taught me quite a bit. Why do you hold the club a certain way? Why is your stance the way it is? Is it merely because it feels good? The casual comment by a spectator is the thing that will mess with your confidence. We need to have conviction and reasons behind our decisions. The other ways we need to find our game is by finding rhythm, balance, patience, emotional control, and a focus on the feel and not the outcome. I need to visualize my shot and paint a mental picture because our body follows our mind. If we can see ourselves doing it then we can learn how to do it. This creates confidence and a sense of being prepared that allows us to expect the unexpected. This freedom provides a powerful force and yet the greatest trophies we can get in this life are the ones that come from overcoming our own weaknesses and temptations. It is improving ourselves. The way we make the perfect shot is we have to see it, feel it, and trust it.

"Inside each and every one of us is one true authentic swing... Somethin' we was born with... Somethin' that's ours and ours alone... Somethin' that can't be taught to ya or learned... Somethin' that got to be remembered... Over time the world can rob us of that swing... It get buried inside us under all our wouldas and couldas and shouldas... Some folk even forget what their swing was like..."

 Bury the lies and trust in the truths in our lives: faith, relationships, character, and integrity. But trust most in yourself. Take the shot. Don't be afraid to live life. Take the chance. Make the leap.

Perceptions and Motivations

One of the things I have realized in my MBA program is that regardless of your motives, how people perceive your actions and interactions are more important than what you are trying to do or convey. Other people's perceptions may not always be the truth of the situation but they are a reality. It is the soft skills that will make or break your career and what can help you escalate quickly. So when I have found that I was hitting obstacles consistently in my internship search, I decided that it would be a good idea to take a long hard look in the mirror and start asking for criticisms.

For starters, I struggle in listening. That's not entirely true. I struggle in giving or providing people that I listen to with feeling a sense of value. I don't value other people's opinions or thoughts as I should. Instead, I think about what was said and at times depending on the comment, may disregard it entirely when I make a decision.

I need to improve my body language and my body. The number of times I was asked during this first of my MBA program not if but how much weight I have gained has been too many. On top of that, I am known as someone who can fall asleep pretty much anywhere. But seriously, when it comes to body language, I need to be aware of my posture when I am sitting, listening to a presentation, and when I am asking questions.

Another issue that I struggle with is that when I ask questions, I will preface my question in an unnecessary and sometimes arrogant way. Examples include but are not limited to mentioning my background in engineering or business or any other way of establishing credibility. I am intelligent but I need to let other people come to that conclusion on their own and I shouldn't try to prove it to them or tell them. Instead of focusing on myself, I need to be more direct in my questions as well as my answers. Sometimes I am very political and I ramble and I don't always tell my whole story instead of being direct.

Another issue I have is acknowledging when I'm wrong. I was in conversation with another professional that was giving me one of these critiques and I ended up correcting her when I misspoke saying that we were basically saying the same thing. I was wrong and regardless of what I thought, I needed to accept that I was in the wrong. I needed help. I think it goes back to again needing to be a better listener. Sometimes I also give suggestions or my opinion when it isn't asked for. If I have ideas or thoughts, instead of offering them up I need to listen and if people want to know what I am thinking then they need to ask me or I need to ask if it would be okay if I share them.

The ironic thing is that I knew I was far from perfect and honestly, I thought my greatest weakness was my lack of direct work experience in my target industries. I didn't see half of these comments coming. After being caught seriously off guard, I had to accept that these perceptions are true. These are the honest perceptions and the perspective of my peers on who I am and how I present myself. If that is what people see, then I need to learn how to adjust my image. I challenge you to ask people to do the same for you because it is eye-opening to realize exactly what and how much people see.

The "15 Second Kiss" Experiment

A few weeks back, I met a gentleman at church named Tim. Tim and his wife had been married many years (I can't remember exactly, but it was at least 30) and weathered many trials through their marriage (cancer included).

Naturally I asked him what the secret was - as I usually do when I meet someone with an epic marriage. "How have they stuck together through everything?" - I asked him this knowing that we shared our faith and reliance on Jesus Christ.

He simply replied, "The 15 second kiss."

Intrigued, I asked, "What do you mean?" though I suppose I could have figured it out.

He responded, "Every day, my wife and I always give each other a 15 second kiss. It's long enough that you can't fake it - it forces us to connect."

I had never heard of purposefully timing a kiss. It was a novel idea I was anxious to try!

Our "15 Second Kiss" Trial

Selena and I kiss plenty, but we realized that we don't often kiss for more than a few seconds. I'm not exactly sure why, but I do know it wasn't like that when we were dating. We made out way too much and for too long when we were dating...

After my "sales pitch," Selena and I agreed to try a few days with the "15 second kiss" rule. Here's what we learned (or were reminded of)...

1) 15 seconds isn't that long... except when you're kissing

We burn 15 seconds all the time without thinking about it. We sit on our phones, daydream, work around the house, you name it - 15 seconds is a short amount of time for most tasks. However, when you're kissing and consciously timing it, 15 seconds seems to be longer. And that's a good thing!

At first we were both aware of the time because of the novelty of the exercise. It didn't take long for us to simply get lost in the kiss. If other couples are like us, we get too busy to "get lost" doing anything. The 15 second kiss was a refreshing reminder that we can truly get lost in our affection for one another.

2) It's nearly impossible to kiss for an extended period of time and not feel closer

Kissing is intimate. We found that as we "got lost" in the kiss, we were getting lost together. And when we were lost together we truly found each other. (Oh that sounds poetic...)

Kissing makes us feel closer; and since we always want to feel closer it makes sense to make purposed kissing a daily part of our lives.

3) It refocused us on "who" we are to each other

When you're "kissably-close" to your spouse, smelling their breath, feeling their skin, you remember who they are as a person. It's easy to begin seeing your spouse as a roommate or casual partner, but kissing reminds us of the distinctly human qualities (good and bad) that we feel in love with in the first place.

Kissing forces us to drown out distractions around us. We had to consciously tune everything else out and focus solely on each other - something we can all agree we need more of.

4) Kissing is a gateway drug

Kissing contributes to overall friskiness. We are both... ahem... more "intimacy minded" after the 15 second kisses than we are before.

5) Kissing refreshes and energizes us

Perhaps it's just friskiness, or maybe something else, but kissing is like an adrenaline shot. We both feel excited and energized after a 15 second kiss.

Try for yourselves!

Whether you and your spouse are constant kissers or even if you've forgotten what a French kiss is, I highly recommend giving this exercise a shot. Feel free to go longer than 15 seconds, but certainly don't go shorter - at least not after you try it a few times.

I'm confident it will have a positive impact on your relationship with your spouse. Give it a try and report back with your findings.

Public Speaking Presentations

I have posted my first presentation in this class to my blog weeks earlier but now that the semester is coming to a close I figured I would post my other two presentations. They aren't the best presentations sadly but still it shows the kinds of presentations we are asked to perform in our program. In an effort to consolidate those videos so they are all in one place, I will again post that first presentation directly below.

The first presentation was focused on an open topic about our passions. My passion was the value of people. The second and third presentations were again open topics. My second presentation was a business proposal that could be for a fictional company, a previous employer, or even a future situation. I decided to take a particular spin on the idea and I created a business proposal that would be in the present. I was going to pitch to my classmates a brand new study trip destination to add to the University of Utah's current portfolio. Since the Career Management Center failed to attend my presentation when invited, I doubt that any of my ideas or parts of my proposal will be implemented.

Part of this process was taking data from the college itself, analyzing them, and then creating graphics that would tell the story of how the current process worked and how it could be improved. I had a variety of different ideas and procedures that the college could employ to increase the engagement of the students. Whether it was having students source companies to visit at the various locations to selecting specific companies and industries that they would want to visit rather than only applying to the location in general.

The last presentation had to be a ceremonial speech in some regard. I choose to use this as a venue to give tribute rather than an eulogy for my grandfather who passed away about 10 years ago. The hardest part of this particular project was attempting to fit aspects or lessons that could be gleaned from his life and relate them in a meaningful way to my classmates. Even harder than that was attempting to accomplish that in a mere 3 to 3.5 minutes. This was the time frame for all of my presentations. However, the emotional connection I had with this particular topic made this last presentation extremely hard because I wanted to go off point when I was unable to.

For those of you who do not know my grandfather or the kind of man he was, I hope that I am a good representative of what he might have been like. I aspire to live in his footsteps in the way that I treat the people around me and how I communicate with them. I have a long way to go but I feel like I am at least generally headed in the right direction.

Distractions

Typically I have been able to continue to write and work and live but lately I have found that I have been distracted. Writing isn't a hobby or an outlet but it is a part of who you are and who you become as a person. It is an expression of one's self. It is a silent cry in the darkness for the things that make us who we are and that bring color to a monotone canvas. It is the cut on the skin of the soul that let's your life and your dreams and your thoughts seep out for the world to see with every beating of your innermost desires. Although it may not make sense for me to attempt poetry without limerick, rhyme, structure or pose, I form my thoughts rather through pure emotion and feeling.

Memories or shades of past hearts glimpse the mirror's edge. They come close enough to cast a silhouette before quickly being covered with drapes and sheets of security. The cracks don't allow enough time to see if the stranger is someone new because in the end the eyes of the beholder have never changed. The distance and appearances vary. My shadow changes as well because I have been spinning in the sunlight not knowing which way to go. To the East or Southern Coasts? The only direction or sense of guidance which truly matters is what I feel.

I guess I get distracted by all the unanswered questions in my life. Whether those answers can be found in the arms of another person, traveling to an unknown place, an alternative direction professionally, or maybe refocusing more on my faith, I am still lost in my pursuit for what I do not know. I feel directionless but still I press forward in the hope that it will all become clear if I trust in myself. Distractions or not, I will know soon enough if this is the path for me.

 

Top 37 Things Dying People Say They Regret

Everyone goes through life experiencing enough mistakes and resulting damage that, by the time they are old enough, they have regrets. They say hindsight is 20/20 and when you look back at your life you will know what moments you should have changed. However, we want to help you out. Forget hindsight. We've compiled a list of things you must not do or else you will definitely regret them at the end of your life.

1. Not traveling when you had the chance. Traveling gets harder as you get older, as more people depend on your presence, day-to-day and it ends up becoming more expensive to bring more people with you. 

2. Not learning another language. You probably took years of another language in high school. You should put it to good use. 

3. Staying in a bad relationship. It may feel hard to get out of a bad relationship, but it's not worse than staying in it and wasting everyone's time. 

4. Forgoing sunscreen. It may not seem like much, but sun damage adds up over the years, causing wrinkles and discoloration. 

5. Missing the chance to see your favorite musicians. You never truly know when your favorite band might break up, so seize the day. 

6. Being afraid to do things. Fear can paralyze us, but we can't let it. 

7. Failing to make physical fitness a priority. As you get older you'll realize how important it is to take care of your body. 

8. Letting yourself be defined by gender roles. Define yourself, don't let society do it. 

9. Not quitting a terrible job. You may need to pay rent or provide for a family, but you can't force yourself to be miserable every day. 

10. Not trying harder in school. Grades are important, but what's more important is learning how to apply yourself and be dedicated. 

11. Not realizing how beautiful you are. There are many definitions of beauty and you shouldn't think you're unworthy of someone's attention. 

12. Being afraid to say "I love you." Loving another person is a precious gift, even if that same love isn't returned. 

13. Not listening to your parents' advice. They have a lot more experience than you'll want to give them credit for. 

14. Spending your youth being self-absorbed. There is more to the world than just you and eventually you'll realize that. 

15. Caring too much about what other people think. When you're older, you'll realize that the opinions of others don't factor into your true happiness. 

16. Supporting the dreams of others over your own. Being nice is one thing, but sacrificing your happiness isn't worth it. 

17. Not moving fast enough. Don't hesitate to make decisions, you'll end up regretting wasting time. 

18. Holding grudges, especially against those you love. Choose to let go of your pain, instead of dwelling on it. 

19. Not standing up for yourself. Just because others may disagree with you, it doesn't mean you have to abandon your principals. 

20. Not volunteering enough. There are countless reasons to help other people, especially when they are needy. 

21. Neglecting your teeth. Flossing and brushing may seem annoying, but it's much better to take care of your teeth while you're young instead of losing them later. 

22. Missing the chance to talk to your grandparents before they die. They hold a lot of knowledge and they will only be around for a little while. 

23. Working too much. You're going to miss the good parts of life, or be too stressed to enjoy them, if you do. 

24. Not learning how to cook one good meal. It'll add to your family and friend get togethers more than you can ever imagine. 

25. Not stopping to appreciate the moment. Quit texting or taking pictures and realize what you are doing when you are doing it. 

26. Failing to finish what you start. Every day is an opportunity that shouldn't be squandered. 

27. Never mastering one awesome party trick. This seems silly, but just think of how many amazing memories you can create. 

28. Letting yourself be defined by cultural expectations. If you family or country thinks you should do something for a career, you're not forced to. Never. 

29. Refusing to let friendships run their course. Sometimes people drift apart. Forcing that connection could do more damage than good. 

30. Not playing with your children enough. Kids are joyful and innocent. You should be choosing to fill your life with this joy, not avoiding it. 

31. Never taking a big risk (especially in love). Taking a bigger risk can pay off more than taking a smaller one. 

32. Not taking the time to develop contacts and network. It may seem like schmoozing, but it'll help your career in the long run. 

33. Worrying too much. Worrying, especially about things that haven't happened yet, is useless. 

34. Getting caught up in needless drama. Drama can be addictive, but there is no point. Don't get off on how bad your day is. 

35. Not spending enough time with loved ones. We are all on this earth for a limited amount of time, don't take that for granted. 

36. Never performing in front of others. This may not be your true calling, but trying it at least once is an important life experience. 

37. Not being grateful sooner. Learn to say thanks and learn to mean it. So many parts of your life will improve if you do.

It's never too late to change your life, so start by avoiding these things. You won't regret it.