Fulfillment... What is it? Where does it come from? Is it the same for everyone? People have different desires and motivations so how could they all ever be defined? I think this can be a very controversial topic and I don't proclaim or have any prepositions that I would be an expert on fulfillment but over my short lifespan I have learned a few different things here and there along the way. I tend to be an observant chap and I like to think that not everything escapes me but as some of my friends say, "You are pretty switched on for a young guy." Thanks... I think? So briefly I want to talk about desires, motives, and the overall general goal I believe everyone has of finding fulfillment.
When we talk about desires these can be divided into needs and wants. I had an interesting discussion about human needs recently. Human needs were described as four primary needs of being and two needs of the spirit by Anthony Robbins. I will use his definitions as we used in our discussion and I will give them respectively to the two previously mentioned categories:
Certainty - certainty that you can avoid pain and gain pleasure
Variety - the need for the unknown or change
Significance - feeling unique, important, special or needed
Love & Connection - a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something
Growth - an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding
Contribution - a sense of service and focus on helping, giving and supporting others
We all value these differently and they tend to drive our decisions and choices. If we understand which we value most and how it impacts our life we can ultimately learn to expand the choices available to us. It is interesting that as I discussed this psychology with a member of his team, that individual was able through our discussion point out various ways that these needs were impacting the way I led my life and how they affected my relationships with others.
I have been interested in learning various psychology mechanisms like this before. In fact, some people may have heard of The Color Code. This again is a mechanism that tries to categorize human emotion and desires into ways that we can identify them in ourselves and in others. By being able to understand them, we can better know how to interact with each other and also fulfill others' needs. In The Color Code, basic personality groupings are separated into the following four color groups:
RED (Motive: POWER) - These are the power wielders. The ability to move from point A to point B and get things done, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of vision and leadership and generally are responsible, decisive, proactive and assertive.
BLUE (Motive: INTIMACY) - These are the do-gooders. Connect, creating quality relationships and having purpose, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of quality and service and are generally loyal, sincere, and thoughtful.
WHITE (Motive: PEACE) - These are the peacekeepers. The ability to stay calm and balanced even in the midst of conflict, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of clarity and tolerance and are generally kind, adaptable, and good-listeners.
YELLOW (Motive: FUN) - These are the fun lovers. The joy of living life "in the moment", is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of enthusiasm and optimism and are generally charismatic, spontaneous, and sociable.
The more you are able to understand people's motives, the better you are able to deal with them. It takes time to recognize or use these tools to help you in your relationships but they really do work. I am able to communicate and keep close relationships with all the members of my immediate family because I understand what their needs are and in the ways we interact, I try to make sure that those needs are met. And with every need or motive, there are pros and cons depending on the situation. But when we begin to understand ourselves, we can focus on developing attributes that will make us better, even if these attributes are outside of the scope of our core needs or motives.
But back to the idea of total fulfillment... I love to think about these kinds of things and the reason why is that it is self-reflective. You can examine your life and see in what areas you are falling short of your expectations and standards and then you can know the different ways that you can improve. But when it comes to finding personal fulfillment, true and real joy, there is only one real way of finding that and it comes from the gospel. I know that real peace, real comfort, sincerity, love, and purpose come from living and understanding the gospel. And it is no coincidence that by living the gospel we begin to understand it more. If we are willing to be an instrument in God's hands by serving the people around us, standing firm to our standards and values, we can find a way to fulfill all of the needs that I previously mentioned. Most importantly though is the fact that by living the way that Christ showed us through His life, we become like Him. We find strength and power as God blesses us with the Spirit and with the gifts of the Spirit. People can look wherever they wish to find total fulfillment but I know that there is no other way than by Him. It is what makes Him who He is. There is no real reason in living life unless you are getting the most out of it, so you might as well live righteously because the joy and blessings you find through that will never fade... hence, total fulfillment.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Blessings of the Temple
I have always known that God was out there and that He listened to our prayers. Some people struggle with faith and have issues praying to any God. But I have always looked at the life around me and known that there had to be a divine Creator. The probability that all that has happened and continues to happen in our world or even within our own bodies, we still struggle to understand, but just because we don't understand doesn't mean that the miracle that is life isn't all around us. I was raised a Christian and was taught how to pray. Still, learning is typically an experience-based process and it wasn't until I really tried, had a real purpose to pray, that I was able to understand that prayer is a form of communication and not just worship.
When we pray there is a process. It is being willing to really want what you are praying for. It is studying it out, meditating on all the possibilities, and then once you have made a decision, be willing when you pray to be open to whatever answer you receive. Even if that answer is a no. Then when you pray, like you do in any conversation where you are asking for direction, you explain yourself, you ask, and then you listen. God speaks but in the most interesting ways. I have had experiences where He answers through the scriptures, so have them handy. You might find a specific verse that answers so clearly your question that you will remember the experience forever. Other times, you have ideas or thoughts or questions come into your mind that might be so subtle that you might not recognize as coming from God but you might mistake them as your own. Then there is the burning in the bosom. I have never felt a fire in my chest so that isn't what I think God was talking about. It is a sense of confidence, love, peace, and assurity that feels so right and good that it is indescribable.
Sometimes the answers aren't so clear. God isn't going to answer our every question. Sometimes there isn't one good answer so He allows us to grow but making our own decision. And sometimes the answer is a no and that comes by when we pray that we have an absence of mind. Sometimes He allows us to head just far enough down another path so that we can realize that it was the wrong one. He does this because then we won't question our decision later. It is an interesting process like I said and it takes a lifetime to learn. But once you have had a spiritual experience by receiving those answers, then you know. You know that He is there and that He answers prayers because those experiences will stay with you forever.
The reason this post is called the blessings of the temple is because temples are special and sacred places for us as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The temple is a place that we go to worship and make sacred covenants, sacred promises to God, to live a life that is in accordance to His will. In response we are blessed with a life of purpose, knowledge, and we receive an added portion of the Spirit and special blessings that will last for eternity. One of these blessings is the ability to have an eternal family. When most people are married we say that they are married "until death do they part." This is pretty much a signed seal of divorcement when we pass from this life to the next. In our religion we believe in a life after death and that if we are married by the proper authority, by the priesthood which is the power of God given to Man to bless us and act in His name, then we can married and sealed for time and all eternity. The purpose of the gospel is to become like God by following the example of the Savior. And to become like our Savior we need to learn more about Him and about Our Heavenly Father. We do this at the temple. In essence the temple is the House of God, where we learn and receive special blessings so that we can learn to become more like God because we are His children. We are all a child of God.
I have been able in the last few months to spend a lot of time visiting the temple both by myself and with Tatiana. It has been a huge blessing for the both of us. We learned more about ourselves, about our relationship with God, our relationship with each other, and what we need to do in our futures. I have been able to receive so many answers for what I need to do in last few weeks. It helps me realize that no matter what, God wants to bless us, He has a plan, and if we are willing to live righteously, He will reveal this plan to us. Miracles really do happen in our day. God reveals miracles to us only after the trial of our faith. He does not reveal himself through miracles, He only confirms himself to those that believe. Those answers that I was waiting for... They came. God is good.
When we pray there is a process. It is being willing to really want what you are praying for. It is studying it out, meditating on all the possibilities, and then once you have made a decision, be willing when you pray to be open to whatever answer you receive. Even if that answer is a no. Then when you pray, like you do in any conversation where you are asking for direction, you explain yourself, you ask, and then you listen. God speaks but in the most interesting ways. I have had experiences where He answers through the scriptures, so have them handy. You might find a specific verse that answers so clearly your question that you will remember the experience forever. Other times, you have ideas or thoughts or questions come into your mind that might be so subtle that you might not recognize as coming from God but you might mistake them as your own. Then there is the burning in the bosom. I have never felt a fire in my chest so that isn't what I think God was talking about. It is a sense of confidence, love, peace, and assurity that feels so right and good that it is indescribable.
Sometimes the answers aren't so clear. God isn't going to answer our every question. Sometimes there isn't one good answer so He allows us to grow but making our own decision. And sometimes the answer is a no and that comes by when we pray that we have an absence of mind. Sometimes He allows us to head just far enough down another path so that we can realize that it was the wrong one. He does this because then we won't question our decision later. It is an interesting process like I said and it takes a lifetime to learn. But once you have had a spiritual experience by receiving those answers, then you know. You know that He is there and that He answers prayers because those experiences will stay with you forever.
The reason this post is called the blessings of the temple is because temples are special and sacred places for us as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The temple is a place that we go to worship and make sacred covenants, sacred promises to God, to live a life that is in accordance to His will. In response we are blessed with a life of purpose, knowledge, and we receive an added portion of the Spirit and special blessings that will last for eternity. One of these blessings is the ability to have an eternal family. When most people are married we say that they are married "until death do they part." This is pretty much a signed seal of divorcement when we pass from this life to the next. In our religion we believe in a life after death and that if we are married by the proper authority, by the priesthood which is the power of God given to Man to bless us and act in His name, then we can married and sealed for time and all eternity. The purpose of the gospel is to become like God by following the example of the Savior. And to become like our Savior we need to learn more about Him and about Our Heavenly Father. We do this at the temple. In essence the temple is the House of God, where we learn and receive special blessings so that we can learn to become more like God because we are His children. We are all a child of God.
I have been able in the last few months to spend a lot of time visiting the temple both by myself and with Tatiana. It has been a huge blessing for the both of us. We learned more about ourselves, about our relationship with God, our relationship with each other, and what we need to do in our futures. I have been able to receive so many answers for what I need to do in last few weeks. It helps me realize that no matter what, God wants to bless us, He has a plan, and if we are willing to live righteously, He will reveal this plan to us. Miracles really do happen in our day. God reveals miracles to us only after the trial of our faith. He does not reveal himself through miracles, He only confirms himself to those that believe. Those answers that I was waiting for... They came. God is good.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Waiting For Answers
Listening is an interesting talent that some people possess. In fact, I would go so far as to call it a gift. When we think about life and all the things that we are faced with and do, many of us don't take too much time to stop and listen. One of the many things that my father told me in the early part of my mission was that I needed to stop and listen. The ability to listen is the ability to be teachable. It is the ability to properly communicate and understand. At times I can be a bit of a rambler but when necessary I listen.
When people need someone to talk to I always feel like I will become like this Dr. Phil where they will want to lay out and begin to rattle off all the things in their soul to me. It happened to me in high school. It happened again on my mission. It happens now in college. People don't always need to be prompted to say what they feel. Sometimes they just need the space to express themselves. This in essence is how meditation and the arts work. Specks of inspiration come as a person takes the time to really think, organize, and follow their own thoughts but during the whole process they might not need to focus on how to make things connect or how things happen but just by letting the thought linger, it grows. The same is true with being able to listen. If you are willing to absorb everything that is being given to you, just focusing on what is coming in and letting the thoughts simmer a bit, instead of trying to figure out what the next step is, how to respond, give some sort of counterargument, then we are able to really understand one another.
I feel like when I can focus on people and on their needs and their emotions, I can connect with them. I can listen to them and then I am prompted in what I need to say to help them unload and express their desires, their fears, and all the different feelings of the heart. Sometimes all you can do is hold a loved one in your arms and by just being there, holding them steady, letting them speak from the heart, you are able to show exactly how much you love and respect them. Many people just need encouragement instead of being given direction. And if you think about it that is how most of us grow, by enduring and pushing through our mistakes. If we are willing to lean on others, we will eventually be able to stand on our own. And all we needed was someone to talk to.
I myself will go for a long walk. It may look like I am alone but really I am going on these excursions to seek counsel. I go and I just think about life, my goals, my dreams, my present, my future... and as I ponder on how the whole journey has been going, I try to be open to any ideas that come into my mind of ways I can improve. These thoughts are what help guide me on how to grow personally, with my relationship with others, with my relationship with God. And it is with God whom I am attempting to converse! I am trying to listen to the thoughts and feelings in my heart and my mind and if I am willing to take the time to not interrupt him, be completely forthcoming and honest about everything I am going through and what I am feeling, it is an emotional, mental, and spiritual dump that is revitalizing. Physically it makes me feel better. And all it took was making time for God. To speak with Him... and I mean with, not to Him. He wants to bless us. He wants us to be happy. And sometimes he asks us to do things that we don't know how to do or if we are even capable of accomplishing. I can say like many of the prophets that at times, "I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." But that is His point... in making us learn to listen and to trust Him.
God will qualify us and work miracles in our lives and on our behalf. It is love that allows a person to truly hear and see another person's heart and soul. I guess I am writing this post because I have been thinking a lot about things in my future. I am looking for guidance and I can say that I don't know what to do. I have never been down this road before. But as long as I open my ears and my heart to the Spirit, I am sure I will receive the answers to my prayers.
When people need someone to talk to I always feel like I will become like this Dr. Phil where they will want to lay out and begin to rattle off all the things in their soul to me. It happened to me in high school. It happened again on my mission. It happens now in college. People don't always need to be prompted to say what they feel. Sometimes they just need the space to express themselves. This in essence is how meditation and the arts work. Specks of inspiration come as a person takes the time to really think, organize, and follow their own thoughts but during the whole process they might not need to focus on how to make things connect or how things happen but just by letting the thought linger, it grows. The same is true with being able to listen. If you are willing to absorb everything that is being given to you, just focusing on what is coming in and letting the thoughts simmer a bit, instead of trying to figure out what the next step is, how to respond, give some sort of counterargument, then we are able to really understand one another.
I feel like when I can focus on people and on their needs and their emotions, I can connect with them. I can listen to them and then I am prompted in what I need to say to help them unload and express their desires, their fears, and all the different feelings of the heart. Sometimes all you can do is hold a loved one in your arms and by just being there, holding them steady, letting them speak from the heart, you are able to show exactly how much you love and respect them. Many people just need encouragement instead of being given direction. And if you think about it that is how most of us grow, by enduring and pushing through our mistakes. If we are willing to lean on others, we will eventually be able to stand on our own. And all we needed was someone to talk to.
I myself will go for a long walk. It may look like I am alone but really I am going on these excursions to seek counsel. I go and I just think about life, my goals, my dreams, my present, my future... and as I ponder on how the whole journey has been going, I try to be open to any ideas that come into my mind of ways I can improve. These thoughts are what help guide me on how to grow personally, with my relationship with others, with my relationship with God. And it is with God whom I am attempting to converse! I am trying to listen to the thoughts and feelings in my heart and my mind and if I am willing to take the time to not interrupt him, be completely forthcoming and honest about everything I am going through and what I am feeling, it is an emotional, mental, and spiritual dump that is revitalizing. Physically it makes me feel better. And all it took was making time for God. To speak with Him... and I mean with, not to Him. He wants to bless us. He wants us to be happy. And sometimes he asks us to do things that we don't know how to do or if we are even capable of accomplishing. I can say like many of the prophets that at times, "I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." But that is His point... in making us learn to listen and to trust Him.
God will qualify us and work miracles in our lives and on our behalf. It is love that allows a person to truly hear and see another person's heart and soul. I guess I am writing this post because I have been thinking a lot about things in my future. I am looking for guidance and I can say that I don't know what to do. I have never been down this road before. But as long as I open my ears and my heart to the Spirit, I am sure I will receive the answers to my prayers.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Looking Ahead
Tatiana and I like to discuss our futures a lot. We enjoy talking about what we do each day too but I would rather talk about the times when we will be together instead of when we are apart. But as I have been trying to figure out how to make the next few months as easy on us as possible, I have been amazed about what we have been able to come up with together.
I had gotten an iPod for Christmas this last year and for some odd reason, the laptop that I have had for college has been acting up and won't let me put any music on that particular iPod. So for a while it just sat on my desk without any particular purpose for me to own it. Then I started going through and looking at what apps were available to me and now I have my scriptures and lesson manuals on it. I have the General Conference talks on it. I have a variety of ways that I can send messages or voicemails to Tatiana from it. I can send her pictures. I can even play different games with her. But if anything I can definitely say that it is a start. I am writing her emails every day. We are studying the Book of Mormon together. I am planning on sending her a letter every week. I am trying to think of any way I can to make sure that whatever distance is between us doesn't have to feel so far. I even made sure that when she left, she could have little pieces of me wherever she looked... jewelry, sweatshirts, photos, letters, stuffed animals, etc.
The kicker for me however is I am Skyping her weekly, if not daily, and we share a chocolate on our Sunday Skype dates. There are about 20 weeks left so we will share 20 more chocolates until we can finally be together again. The thing is that when I say "finally" I mean it just can't come soon enough. I am trying to focus on my classes and my studies. I am trying to get through the daily grind. Still, the only thing that brings any life into me is when I get a message from her, when I hear her voice, or some small reminder brings back a memory. I still am fasting and praying for her as we are still waiting for a response from BYU about whether or not she has been accepted as a transfer student. I still am fasting and praying for her as she is getting adjusted to being back home.
I guess the real update is that I feel like this is doable. Easy... hell, no. Doable... yes. So this is me accepting the fact that it is going to be a lot of late nights, long study sessions, and taking some time to carve out a nook in the library that I will call my own as I try to carry myself through these classes. My classes this semester as not crazily difficult... it is the combination of them that is insane. Taking anatomy and organic chemistry at the same time has been very hard. But to top it off with a couple of time-consuming mechanical engineering courses was probably not my best move. Still, I am trying to graduate with my BS next year so I can start applying for graduate school.
Things have changed in that aspect as well. I have thought for a long time that I would get my biomedical engineering degree at the University of Utah, continuing to return home to the east coast to work at my internship with NxStage Medical, and when it was all said and done, finish and return back home to settle down on the east coast. Well, my Aussie girl has changed a couple of those things for me. We want to see how far her dreams of animation can take her, starting with attending BYU. BYU is unique that it is one of the top three colleges worldwide for that major and is highly recruited by the big names in the industry. If she is recruited by one of them, then the likelihood of going east instead of west is beginning to dwindle. I want her to succeed. I want her to try for her dreams so I am going to support her in any way I can. And as I have thought about that, I have begun to develop different goals for myself. I have had thoughts of getting a MS or MBA from BYU. It means that along with working for NxStage Medical again this summer, I will be getting ready to fly over to Australia to visit Tatiana, studying to take the GRE and GMAT exams, and planning the rest of my life basically.
She has done so much for me and so much to me... all I can say is that it is great and I wouldn't have it any other way. I have been happier when I am with her, more confident, the Spirit is stronger in my life, and in the end she is woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I guess the only thing left to do is just count down the days until I get to see her again... I just pray that they come quickly.
I had gotten an iPod for Christmas this last year and for some odd reason, the laptop that I have had for college has been acting up and won't let me put any music on that particular iPod. So for a while it just sat on my desk without any particular purpose for me to own it. Then I started going through and looking at what apps were available to me and now I have my scriptures and lesson manuals on it. I have the General Conference talks on it. I have a variety of ways that I can send messages or voicemails to Tatiana from it. I can send her pictures. I can even play different games with her. But if anything I can definitely say that it is a start. I am writing her emails every day. We are studying the Book of Mormon together. I am planning on sending her a letter every week. I am trying to think of any way I can to make sure that whatever distance is between us doesn't have to feel so far. I even made sure that when she left, she could have little pieces of me wherever she looked... jewelry, sweatshirts, photos, letters, stuffed animals, etc.
The kicker for me however is I am Skyping her weekly, if not daily, and we share a chocolate on our Sunday Skype dates. There are about 20 weeks left so we will share 20 more chocolates until we can finally be together again. The thing is that when I say "finally" I mean it just can't come soon enough. I am trying to focus on my classes and my studies. I am trying to get through the daily grind. Still, the only thing that brings any life into me is when I get a message from her, when I hear her voice, or some small reminder brings back a memory. I still am fasting and praying for her as we are still waiting for a response from BYU about whether or not she has been accepted as a transfer student. I still am fasting and praying for her as she is getting adjusted to being back home.
I guess the real update is that I feel like this is doable. Easy... hell, no. Doable... yes. So this is me accepting the fact that it is going to be a lot of late nights, long study sessions, and taking some time to carve out a nook in the library that I will call my own as I try to carry myself through these classes. My classes this semester as not crazily difficult... it is the combination of them that is insane. Taking anatomy and organic chemistry at the same time has been very hard. But to top it off with a couple of time-consuming mechanical engineering courses was probably not my best move. Still, I am trying to graduate with my BS next year so I can start applying for graduate school.
Things have changed in that aspect as well. I have thought for a long time that I would get my biomedical engineering degree at the University of Utah, continuing to return home to the east coast to work at my internship with NxStage Medical, and when it was all said and done, finish and return back home to settle down on the east coast. Well, my Aussie girl has changed a couple of those things for me. We want to see how far her dreams of animation can take her, starting with attending BYU. BYU is unique that it is one of the top three colleges worldwide for that major and is highly recruited by the big names in the industry. If she is recruited by one of them, then the likelihood of going east instead of west is beginning to dwindle. I want her to succeed. I want her to try for her dreams so I am going to support her in any way I can. And as I have thought about that, I have begun to develop different goals for myself. I have had thoughts of getting a MS or MBA from BYU. It means that along with working for NxStage Medical again this summer, I will be getting ready to fly over to Australia to visit Tatiana, studying to take the GRE and GMAT exams, and planning the rest of my life basically.
She has done so much for me and so much to me... all I can say is that it is great and I wouldn't have it any other way. I have been happier when I am with her, more confident, the Spirit is stronger in my life, and in the end she is woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I guess the only thing left to do is just count down the days until I get to see her again... I just pray that they come quickly.
Friday, February 17, 2012
The Last Few Months
If I had could have flown with her to Australia... Well, I wouldn't deny that I didn't think about it. Seriously, the last couple of months were amazing. When I think about her, she is unlike any one I have ever met. She is special.
I don't know how many times I have tried to finish this post and describe what she means to me, our commonalities, our differences that I am attracted to, but the point is that after meeting her it was like there was no one else, I thought about her constantly, and every moment that we shared together she would make me smile. There was something about her that made me feel like I had always known her. And when I think about her now, I love all the memories that we made together and all the little things we have done. My life feels empty without her here beside me but I know that in the end, she had to go home. She had to go back... for legal reasons there was that visa thing... but she needed to spend some more time with her family, go back to uni, finish some more classes, and though it will be challenging for the both of us we will be together again. I have been praying for her for a long time... both because of the challenges we are both going to have to face when we are apart but really I have always been praying for her although I didn't know it.
I have always hoped that God would lead me to someone that I could fall in love with and that they would fall in love with me too. I was just hoping that I wasn't such a hard case that he would have to find her on the other side of the globe, but maybe I am not a hard case but just a special one. I know that some of my siblings and friends would definitely describe me as "special." But seriously looking back, the coincidences that had to line up so we would meet were too random to think that God really didn't have a hand in all of this. And I couldn't have painted God a better picture of who I dreamed of because I hadn't met here until now. She is talented, caring, passionate, loving, loyal, witty, competitive, in tune with the Spirit, and I find her attractive in every way. I fell in love and I fell in love hard. We did so many things together that we hadn't done before and each time I felt like we were growing together. The thing that shocked me the most is the feelings I felt because in the past I had thought I loved people with all my heart and maybe I had, but never before had I felt like our hearts had become one. I have finally met someone who loves me as much as I love them, almost as if my soul was tied to hers and that the very thought of her leaving would feel as if she would take my heart and soul with her. I have given her everything that I am and hope to become... all of my hopes, my dreams, she has all of me. And in return, she is helping me become a better person in so many ways.
This next chapter is going to be as my dad used to call it a "character-building experience." And in adolescent years my response to him announcing those experiences approaching would be, "Character sucks... especially when you are building it." What I am saying is that I am not excited for our separation but it will make us both stronger. We will have to rely on each other, trust in God, and most of all trust in the feelings and inspiration we have both received. So to any of my readers out there, please... please pray for us. She has applied to transfer to BYU and if she gets in then she can apply to the animation program which is one of the best in the world. She needs a lot of strength while she is back home and she will need the Spirit to aid her. I can use all the patience and portions of the Spirit as I can get as well. We will need to focus. We will need to reach out to each other. We will need each other. I need her. So please pray for us. She is my miracle... my angel... my everything.
PS - I promise I will try not to go this mushy in the future. It just has been tough with her gone and I really needed to pour out my emotions. Pray for us...
I don't know how many times I have tried to finish this post and describe what she means to me, our commonalities, our differences that I am attracted to, but the point is that after meeting her it was like there was no one else, I thought about her constantly, and every moment that we shared together she would make me smile. There was something about her that made me feel like I had always known her. And when I think about her now, I love all the memories that we made together and all the little things we have done. My life feels empty without her here beside me but I know that in the end, she had to go home. She had to go back... for legal reasons there was that visa thing... but she needed to spend some more time with her family, go back to uni, finish some more classes, and though it will be challenging for the both of us we will be together again. I have been praying for her for a long time... both because of the challenges we are both going to have to face when we are apart but really I have always been praying for her although I didn't know it.
I have always hoped that God would lead me to someone that I could fall in love with and that they would fall in love with me too. I was just hoping that I wasn't such a hard case that he would have to find her on the other side of the globe, but maybe I am not a hard case but just a special one. I know that some of my siblings and friends would definitely describe me as "special." But seriously looking back, the coincidences that had to line up so we would meet were too random to think that God really didn't have a hand in all of this. And I couldn't have painted God a better picture of who I dreamed of because I hadn't met here until now. She is talented, caring, passionate, loving, loyal, witty, competitive, in tune with the Spirit, and I find her attractive in every way. I fell in love and I fell in love hard. We did so many things together that we hadn't done before and each time I felt like we were growing together. The thing that shocked me the most is the feelings I felt because in the past I had thought I loved people with all my heart and maybe I had, but never before had I felt like our hearts had become one. I have finally met someone who loves me as much as I love them, almost as if my soul was tied to hers and that the very thought of her leaving would feel as if she would take my heart and soul with her. I have given her everything that I am and hope to become... all of my hopes, my dreams, she has all of me. And in return, she is helping me become a better person in so many ways.
This next chapter is going to be as my dad used to call it a "character-building experience." And in adolescent years my response to him announcing those experiences approaching would be, "Character sucks... especially when you are building it." What I am saying is that I am not excited for our separation but it will make us both stronger. We will have to rely on each other, trust in God, and most of all trust in the feelings and inspiration we have both received. So to any of my readers out there, please... please pray for us. She has applied to transfer to BYU and if she gets in then she can apply to the animation program which is one of the best in the world. She needs a lot of strength while she is back home and she will need the Spirit to aid her. I can use all the patience and portions of the Spirit as I can get as well. We will need to focus. We will need to reach out to each other. We will need each other. I need her. So please pray for us. She is my miracle... my angel... my everything.
PS - I promise I will try not to go this mushy in the future. It just has been tough with her gone and I really needed to pour out my emotions. Pray for us...
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Falling Into Place
Sometimes we wonder what is the plan for our lives. We ask if there is something different that we should be doing or we question the circumstances we currently find ourselves in. Recently, I haven't had to ask any of these things nor have I really considered them. I have been so blessed to be working hard in a major that at times I complain about, but when I have had the chance to really had the opportunity to put my knowledge to the test through working, I have really enjoyed it. I have a girlfriend that I absolutely love and communicate and can relate to on almost every level, whom I share memories, emotions, and so many great laughs and smiles. My family is doing really well, I feel like I have solid roommates and friends and spiritually I am in an amazing place. There seems that even at this point there are things that still need to be done, fixed, or figured out as I move forward... I am a planner so what else is new... the point is that it seems like every hurdle I come up against, the things I need to overcome it fall into place.
In the past, I have talked about the goals, failures, and successes I have seen in my life. Right now I just want to acknowledge Heavenly Father's hand in all things. I have never been happier or had more confidence in my decisions. Could I say that all of this comes from what has happened recently: good grades, staying on top of my classes, being in the most wonderful and loving relationship I have had? I really can't but it without a doubt helps. It helps me know that God loves me. He is where our happiness comes from, knowing that we are accomplishing His will and have His Spirit with us. The individuals and events that have fallen into place are evidence of that and they are a witness of His love for me. He knows me better than anyone... my weaknesses, my shortcoming, my strengths, my talents, my hopes, and my dreams. The last few weeks I can't stop smiling when I stop to think about a bright future coming together for me and the ones I love.
In the past, I have talked about the goals, failures, and successes I have seen in my life. Right now I just want to acknowledge Heavenly Father's hand in all things. I have never been happier or had more confidence in my decisions. Could I say that all of this comes from what has happened recently: good grades, staying on top of my classes, being in the most wonderful and loving relationship I have had? I really can't but it without a doubt helps. It helps me know that God loves me. He is where our happiness comes from, knowing that we are accomplishing His will and have His Spirit with us. The individuals and events that have fallen into place are evidence of that and they are a witness of His love for me. He knows me better than anyone... my weaknesses, my shortcoming, my strengths, my talents, my hopes, and my dreams. The last few weeks I can't stop smiling when I stop to think about a bright future coming together for me and the ones I love.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Staying Focused
It is interesting that even though I have the most difficult semester I have ever had at BYU, I am still afloat in all my classes and have spent so much time with my Aussie and helping her in transferring to BYU. She is an animation major which may be part of the total explanation why we have so much in common... goofy, creative, kid-at-heart, etc. Anyways, I never realized how hard it is for international students to study here in America. The hoops they have to jump through are a mile long and then some. But so far, I feel like we have been able to navigate them with a lot of helped from loved ones and I have a feeling that she will be able to pull off the miracle of getting accepted. The original plan was for her to finish her Bachelor's degree over in Australia and then get accepted into a Master's program here at BYU. The catch is there is no Master's program and so we have been rushing to get everything together before the February 1st deadline. It feels like sometimes that there is one hill after another but we have been faithful and miracle after miracle has kept us on track. Nevertheless, any prayers would be appreciated.
Back to how things have been going... in a word, amazing. I feel like we have been able to stay moving forward at a good pace and though I still dread her leaving February to go back home to Australia, I know that we will be able to make it through. We have done so many fun things together. I had no idea that black light mini-golfing was so hilarious and so much fun! We also spent some time up at Park City, have been traveling around Utah doing baptisms for the dead weekly if at all possible, and this weekend we are going to head to Idaho Falls to just recover and relax from the classes and the stress generated from the transfer process. She has been a real trooper through all of it and I can't even begin to say how grateful I have been for the support of my parents in helping us through all of it, the support of her family back in Australia in getting things together in such short notice, and of course God for His hand in all of this.
If there is one thing that has come to my attention it is the fact that it is we really support one another. She tries to make sure I get done the things I need to do for my classes and I am trying to be there for her through everything she has had to last few weeks: figure out how to get paperwork sorted from across the globe, conference calling her parents, talking and setting up appointments with church and school officials and professors, and trying to get her credits transferred. All the time we have been strong on the outside even though I am sure we are both exhausted on the inside. We have handled the pressure and stress of it all with faith and maturity and of course a lot of outside help. But I guess what I am trying to say is that we lean on each other, we trust each other, and by working together, these situations we are navigating are helping our feelings for one another deepen and grow.
I try to plan little trips or activities that we can do that are unique to America and we have done some of those things but we still have so much we want to do. She has gone bungee jumping off the Sky Jump on her trip to Las Vegas, had a blast at Disneyland in California, and we still need to go skiing at Sundance and snowshoeing up at Aspen Grove. I swear that there is never enough time in the day to do everything that you want and need to do. Still we make do with the time we have and enjoy the little things we get to do together. Anyways, I don't think I have ever been happier, confident, and more focused. So I ask everyone to do me this little favor and pray for us. Pray that she can be admitted to BYU and their animation program. It is not every day that we get the opportunity to follow our dreams.
Back to how things have been going... in a word, amazing. I feel like we have been able to stay moving forward at a good pace and though I still dread her leaving February to go back home to Australia, I know that we will be able to make it through. We have done so many fun things together. I had no idea that black light mini-golfing was so hilarious and so much fun! We also spent some time up at Park City, have been traveling around Utah doing baptisms for the dead weekly if at all possible, and this weekend we are going to head to Idaho Falls to just recover and relax from the classes and the stress generated from the transfer process. She has been a real trooper through all of it and I can't even begin to say how grateful I have been for the support of my parents in helping us through all of it, the support of her family back in Australia in getting things together in such short notice, and of course God for His hand in all of this.
If there is one thing that has come to my attention it is the fact that it is we really support one another. She tries to make sure I get done the things I need to do for my classes and I am trying to be there for her through everything she has had to last few weeks: figure out how to get paperwork sorted from across the globe, conference calling her parents, talking and setting up appointments with church and school officials and professors, and trying to get her credits transferred. All the time we have been strong on the outside even though I am sure we are both exhausted on the inside. We have handled the pressure and stress of it all with faith and maturity and of course a lot of outside help. But I guess what I am trying to say is that we lean on each other, we trust each other, and by working together, these situations we are navigating are helping our feelings for one another deepen and grow.
I try to plan little trips or activities that we can do that are unique to America and we have done some of those things but we still have so much we want to do. She has gone bungee jumping off the Sky Jump on her trip to Las Vegas, had a blast at Disneyland in California, and we still need to go skiing at Sundance and snowshoeing up at Aspen Grove. I swear that there is never enough time in the day to do everything that you want and need to do. Still we make do with the time we have and enjoy the little things we get to do together. Anyways, I don't think I have ever been happier, confident, and more focused. So I ask everyone to do me this little favor and pray for us. Pray that she can be admitted to BYU and their animation program. It is not every day that we get the opportunity to follow our dreams.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Finally Found Her
So I haven't really been posting too much as of late for two major reasons. The first reason is kind of boring but pretty self-explanatory. My current class schedule consists of Heat Transfer and System Dynamics (Mechanical Engineering courses), Second Half of Doctrine & Covenants, Organic Chemistry, and Human Anatomy. If that isn't ridiculous then I don't know what is. The second reason is that I am currently in a relationship with an absolutely amazing woman.
I don't always like to write about relationships that I am currently in because I think of it almost as if that was bad karma... (knock on wood). But in this case, I feel like I almost have to talk about it. I honestly don't think I have met anyone quite like her. She feels like my other half. We have so much in common and the things that are unique or different between the two of us I love as well too. Our personalities are similar, our long-term goals are similar, and our interests are similar. When I hear her laugh, I just melt. When we kiss, it takes my breath away. She is touchy-feely just like I am. But we also respect one another, listen and talk openly with one another. I have
never communicated so well with someone. For being forced to be grow up and be mature at such an early age, she also is so goofy that I just can't help but smile when I think about her. The things that happen when we are with together are so unpredictable and spontaneous that they can only be described as interesting. It's almost hard to believe how happy she makes me.
And the amazing thing is the miracles that have been happening to help this whole thing come to pass. If I think about these last semesters, I had to move out of my old apartment that I liked, find somewhere new to live at the last minute, have specific people also living in my ward, both of us choosing to go to meetings at the last minute that we weren't sure we would attend, all so we could get introduced to each other. Plus this is the first experience that I have had where timing was actually in my favor! If I hadn't taken the classes I did, I wouldn't have been able to help her how I have so far in trying to get her accepted into BYU next November. Then when my internships weren't really coming together for this summer, this realization came that since I was working for my previous employer, I might be able to schedule some time to go across the world to see her. She is leaving to go home in about a month so I hope that the feelings which we have for each other now are just as strong, if not stronger, when she gets ready to leave. The distance will be a good measure of where we are at. But the real miracle is that I am not worried about it at all. I never truly worry or doubt, or am afraid of where this is going because it is mutual and it just feels right.
To put it as simply as possible, I will just quote my dad, "Why did you have to fall in love with someone that lives on the other side of the world?" And I think my dad is completely right... I have fallen for my Australian girl. I guess the long and short of this whole post is... all parts of my life are kind of not where I expected them to be, but at the same point in time, I like where it is all going. I will just have to keep you all posted.
I don't always like to write about relationships that I am currently in because I think of it almost as if that was bad karma... (knock on wood). But in this case, I feel like I almost have to talk about it. I honestly don't think I have met anyone quite like her. She feels like my other half. We have so much in common and the things that are unique or different between the two of us I love as well too. Our personalities are similar, our long-term goals are similar, and our interests are similar. When I hear her laugh, I just melt. When we kiss, it takes my breath away. She is touchy-feely just like I am. But we also respect one another, listen and talk openly with one another. I have
never communicated so well with someone. For being forced to be grow up and be mature at such an early age, she also is so goofy that I just can't help but smile when I think about her. The things that happen when we are with together are so unpredictable and spontaneous that they can only be described as interesting. It's almost hard to believe how happy she makes me.And the amazing thing is the miracles that have been happening to help this whole thing come to pass. If I think about these last semesters, I had to move out of my old apartment that I liked, find somewhere new to live at the last minute, have specific people also living in my ward, both of us choosing to go to meetings at the last minute that we weren't sure we would attend, all so we could get introduced to each other. Plus this is the first experience that I have had where timing was actually in my favor! If I hadn't taken the classes I did, I wouldn't have been able to help her how I have so far in trying to get her accepted into BYU next November. Then when my internships weren't really coming together for this summer, this realization came that since I was working for my previous employer, I might be able to schedule some time to go across the world to see her. She is leaving to go home in about a month so I hope that the feelings which we have for each other now are just as strong, if not stronger, when she gets ready to leave. The distance will be a good measure of where we are at. But the real miracle is that I am not worried about it at all. I never truly worry or doubt, or am afraid of where this is going because it is mutual and it just feels right.
To put it as simply as possible, I will just quote my dad, "Why did you have to fall in love with someone that lives on the other side of the world?" And I think my dad is completely right... I have fallen for my Australian girl. I guess the long and short of this whole post is... all parts of my life are kind of not where I expected them to be, but at the same point in time, I like where it is all going. I will just have to keep you all posted.
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