Music Is My Life

There is one thing when a music artist writes a sensational song but it is a totally different ballgame when they then match that with an astoundingly creative music video. I was doing my laundry this morning and between some really well fought out college football games I was perusing VH1 and these are just a few of some outstanding artists that got my immediate approval.

4. Gavin DeGraw - "Not Over You"


3. One Republic - "Good Life"


2. Lady Antebellum - "Just A Kiss"


1. Coldplay - "Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall"

Tonight Tonight Remix

"Work It All Out"
(To the tune of Tonight Tonight by Hot Chelle Rae)

Never knew how to tell you no
Always doing what you said so
But the thing that really blew my mind
Is I still think of you all of the time

La la la, whatever, la la la, it doesn't matter
La la la, oh well, la la la

Where did you go? No blame
But it never has been quite just the same
If I need change - I'd change the time and do it over again
Whenever I see her face it, takes me from this place yet
And I need some change, she's it, again

We got into a fight last night
Don't remember who was wrong or right
Now it's all said and done
Still wish you didn't feel like you had to run


La la la, whatever, la la la, it doesn't matter
La la la, oh well, la la la

Where did you go? No blame
But it never has been quite just the same
If I need change - I'd change the time and do it over again
Whenever I see her face it, takes me from this place yet
And I need some change, she's it, again

You got me feeling like
Woah, come on, ohh, it doesn't matter
Woah, everybody now, ohh

Don't stop talkin', let's keep this goin'
I'll be there for you, won't let you fall down
It's my story be who I want to
We can get crazy work it all out

Don't stop talkin', let's keep this goin'
I'll be there for you, won't let you fall down
It's my story be who I want to
We can get crazy work it all out

It's you and me and we're getting bit loud
And it's me and you and we're drawing a crowd
But they can watch if they want to because I will love you

Everbody
Woah, come on, ohh, all you animals,
Woah, let me hear you now, ohh

Where did you go? No blame
But it never has been quite just the same
If I need change - I'd change the time and do it over again
Whenever I see her face it, takes me from this place yet
I will need some change, she's it, again
And I need some change, she's it, again
Yeah it's all right, all right, tonight, tonight

Just singing like
Woah, come on, ohh, all you party people
Woah, all you singletons, ohh, even the white kids

Don't stop talkin', let's keep this goin'
I'll be there for you, won't let you fall down
It's my story be who I want to
We can get crazy work it all out

Don't stop talkin', let's keep this goin'
I'll be there for you, won't let you fall down
It's my story be who I want to
We can get crazy work it all out

Patiently Smiling and Loving Life

I don't know what it is but I love talking to complete strangers like we are long time friends. This week is the beginning of the Fall semester and being a senior I have a lot of friends in all of my classes and some of the professors have gone from the "weeding-you-out-and-trying-to-grind-all-confidence-you-have-in-your-choice-in-majors" type to the class clowns. I don't think I have had this many professors that I have really enjoyed at the same time while being completely petrified of the subject matter and the syllabi that they are giving us. Here is a great example...

I was in class yesterday and the teacher was trying to just test us on basic material that was supposed to be foundational to the class. At first I figured that I was doing well until we started going over the answers and defending our positions. I honestly batted a thousand! I was completely and utterly wrong on so many things but at the same time, the professor just explained them as simply as he could and kept on going. Lecture was the same way. I don't think I had so thoroughly enjoyed being so utterly confused. It was fantastic! But at the same time, I think I may be in serious trouble this semester.

And surprisingly enough, this all ties back into the idea of talking to perfect strangers. You know the time where you are in a computer lab or at the printer and you hear someone make that sigh that you personally avoid. The sigh of desperation and exhaustion that means something to the effect, "there is not one more thing that I could possibly think that could go wrong but really do I honestly care anymore?" Well of course my curiosity got the better of me and we began talking and asking what was the matter. She was frustrated that again she couldn't get the notes and textbook she needed to finish her homework that she needed done for her psychology class. I wished her luck, told her that she would figure it out, and it wouldn't be that big of a deal soon. Well, she turned the conversation back to me asking what classes I was taking and I struggled to name off all the technical names. She started to smile and laugh a little. "I'm sorry but that just sounds so boring..." I was caught so off guard by her smile and brutal honesty but it just made me laugh. It did sound pretty boring in comparison to becoming a psychologist and owning your own firm, comfy office with a view, and if your clients have to cancel, you always have that cushy couch to take a cat nap on. By the time our conversation was finished she left and I just wanted to sarcastically thank her for telling me how stupid of a choice I had made and how I should rethink my life but all in good humor. It just amazes me how just having a positive attitude and outlook on things, being able to laugh about the small stuff, and being able to work through the big things, life can't get you down. There is so much we don't know that we shouldn't let those things escape us but we should push through and conquer them. Live life, ya know?

There are too many people caught up in little things that they never see the world around them. I can't begin to count the amount of people who have their heads down in their cell phones, stuck on their news feeds in Facebook, whatever... One girl practically walked into me because of a conversation she was having through texts. She apologized as we both smiled and she tried to explain it real fast. I just wanted to shake her out of it! I wanted to reach down and kiss her softly and tell her, "That text can't possibly be that important. Live a little." But I knew that a smile, a soft laugh and a shake of the head would have to do. Seriously people, wake up. Live a little. Love a lot more.

Knowing Your Audience

I had a conversation with another friend and it was surprising how simple she made it for me to understand why I struggled this summer in my writing. It has always been such a relief to me but ever since I closed it off to the public I didn't know how to express myself. Beforehand I knew anyone could read it and for my own good, I had people who truly cared about me tell me I should fix that because of how private some of my thoughts may seem. Well the problem with that is after making the change to privatize, I no longer knew who would read it. I had a select group that I had invited to read it but I didn't know how each of them would respond. I never really got feedback from anyone in particular (again with a few exceptions which I am grateful for) so to narrow my audience and get the same results was not upsetting but confusing. I didn't know who I was writing to. If I wrote to the public I had a voice. If I wrote to one person then I could express myself to them privately. But to this new audience it was like having a private discussion with someone while allowing others eavesdrop. It just felt like a very odd and uncomfortable conversation for me. So for my own sanity, I am going to undo what I did and make this open to the public again. For those of you that do not know me, this is typically the deeper side of an easy-going and fun-loving individual. Don't judge a book by its cover or even a couple chapters, read the whole thing. If people read this, they won't know me or understand me, but they will be on their way to beginning to.

Moments of Reflection

I know I haven't really writing all too much as of late and honestly, it has been killing me. I will definitely say that I haven't just been sitting around doing nothing this summer. I have been working my tail off to be quite honest. I was able to do some fun things here and there with a bit of planning... spent time out at Cape Cod in Massachusetts, saw an outdoor production of the Wizard of Oz on the coast, had a lobster dinner, had a bunch of family outings, watched a bunch of movies on my unwritten movie list, made and remade acquaintances of both new and old friends. I realized that honestly I am not that patient even though at times I think I can be. I recognize that out of a lot of weaknesses there are a couple I should really try hard to change. These are things like not being a party person, never really working out, and believing that I am not really worthy or able to do a variety of different things and by doing that I sell myself short in a lot of ways.

There have been a few really good conversations though that have also been reflective but in a more positive way. I thought about my relationships that I have had and do have with my friends and I realized that though I have made many solid friendships at college, my strongest friends I made back at home. You don't pick your family but you love your family and as those relationships grow you would do anything for them. If I had to pick someone who wasn't already my brother to be one of my brothers that person would either be Jared Crain or Caleb Earnshaw. I know I typically don't use names but these two men would do anything for me and vice versa. They are the kind of men that I wouldn't think twice of asking them to be groomsmen or to bail each other out in a pinch. They are like brothers to me because not only have we all been through different things but by learning from our experiences, we can each relate to one another and have an understanding of the effort and strength it takes us to become better men, to overcome and recover from our weaknesses and past mistakes. We all have supported each other in our low times and celebrated each others highs as well.

And that would be a good description of my summer actually: filled with highs and lows. I prefer to deliver bad news first because it makes me feel that the good news is that much better but really neither one was an extreme case. Only a couple of weeks after purchasing my first car, I was commuting from work and got a driving ticket which would haunt me all summer. Eventually it got taken care of and the charges were lessened and I got to keep my license but nevertheless it was not fun to say the least. Then the good news happened here at the end of the summer. I was commuting every day to my work as an intern for a biomedical device company in Lawrence, MA. On my last day, my group of coworkers in the Research & Development Department decided to take me to lunch. It was a lot of fun and afterwards we all exchanged contact information and all of them had kind words to say. Apparently I might be cut out for this kind of job after all. But the nicest thing that was said was by the VP in our division. He was a family friend who I always had been curious about his work and had asked him lots of questions until I was old enough and experienced enough that I thought I could ask him to see if he could get me an internship with his company. The compliment he left me with this summer was the best of all. I thanked him for giving me the shot and before I could say more he stopped me to tell me he was grateful. I asked why and he said, "Thank you for making me look good." He said a few more things about hiring friends and some take advantage and others worked hard but it was that simple phrase that stuck out the most. Thank you for making me look good. This compliment was coming from a VP, developer, and head engineer in a top 5 ranked best pre-IPO medical companies to invest in according to Forbes magazines. Honestly, he just being my family friend and old scoutmaster and it would have had the same effect on me. It was a good summer and an invaluable experience.

When I think long term however, there are a lot of paths I could take and there are a lot of variables that would change my direction. For instance, I loved my internship this summer and the company itself is definitely cutting edge and going places in the industry. However a piece of advice that I got from my adviser was that I needed to see more corporate companies. All the ones that I have worked for so far are successful start-ups. I need to work for companies that have multiple locations throughout the United States. I need to work for companies like Pratt & Whitney, Boeing, or BAE Systems. I luckily actually have a job with one of them when I get back to school but it would be best if I did a full on summer internship to get a better look at the feel of a corporate company. I am going to go through my contacts and try a couple of companies but again that is still too near-sighted of a perspective. The kind of perspective I am talking about is more on the idea that in three to five years I should have my undergrad under my belt from BYU (1.5 to 2 years). If I am single still I might want to forgo an internship post graduation and secure residency in Utah so I can transfer to the University of Utah for grad school in biomedical engineering. If I am married, then it would be best to move out and start looking for a good company that I could put my roots into whether that is a new company or back to one where I have worked before. So far I am on route with my goal to graduate without any debt which would be fantastic so I want to keep that going of course.

I have plenty of other goals as well. I figure that I need to be more patient when it comes to dating. I should keep my friendships solid with my married friends, rekindle a couple of those and maybe they will have friends they could set me up with or extra food in their pantries, who knows? Then again, I also want to start working out. I never have really started and I think if I got serious about it then not only could I get healthier but I hope it would make me more attractive as well. I really don't know where it would go. So in the end, I really don't think my goals have changed much at all... keep on top of my health physically, socially, and spiritually, while keeping up my grades and education so I can get the best job possible. Now if only there was something more. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe it is the fact that there is always more that you can see yourself improving on and so it feels like you are always incomplete or hopefully when I meet that special someone then at least some of that feeling will go away.

Everything Has a Price

"Love is Hard"
by James Morrison

I see lovers in the streets
Walking without a care
They wear it out loud
Like there's something in the air
Oh well, I don't care

They're treading lightly
No - they don't sink in
There's no tracks to follow
They don't care where they're going

And if they're lucky, yeah
They'll, they'll get to see
And if they're really, really lucky
They'll get to feel

And it kicks so hard, it breaks your bones
Cuts so deep, it hits your soul
Tears your skin, and makes your blood flow
It's better that you know that love is hard

Love takes hostages
And gives them pain
Gives someone the power
To hurt you again and again
Oh, but they don't care

Oh and if they're lucky, yeah
They'll, they'll get to see
And if they're really, really lucky
They'll, they'll get to feel

And if they're, they're truly blessed
Then they'll get to believe
And if you're damned
You'll never let yourself be deceived

And it kicks so hard, it breaks your bones
Cuts so deep, it hits your soul
Tears your skin, and makes your blood flow
It's better that we know that love is hard

And it kicks so hard, it breaks your bones
Cuts so deep, it hits your soul
Tears your skin, and makes your blood flow
It's better that we know

And it kicks so hard, it breaks your bones
Cuts so deep, it hits your soul
Tears your skin, and makes your blood flow
It's better that we know that love is hard
Love is hard, love is hard
If it was easy it wouldn't mean nothing, no

My Life at Home

I figured out that the grass always looks greener on the other side. I have been home for the summer and though things have been good... no rent, lots of family time, bought a car, working and making money, not having to worry about food or laundry, I still am wishing to be back in Utah. For most people that makes a lot of sense but for me it kinda bothers me. I don't like Utah or really living there. My social life and my education are both there in Utah but I love the east coast so much more. The friends here my age are just as busy as I am but all of our schedules fail to match almost as much as the time difference from my home here to my friends back in Provo. I have to confess that the hardest part is at times I let my heart get away with my head. I always have romantic notions of what could be or what could have been so nothing changes too fast. One of these days maybe I will meet the person I am looking for but in the meantime I have to wait. I have found that I can keep whatever notions I may have at bay by focusing on other things such as my scripture study, my family, and just trying to keep my friendships alive. I just feel so conflicted in what I know I should do and what I want to do that I realize this is how it feels to grow up. There are moments where there is just no fulfillment and I feel empty, monotonous in all that I do. I just choose to put on a smile and work hard so that I can learn to love the work but saying so would feel like lying. I do it to hide the loneliness. The worst part is that all I have to do is believe that things will get better and have faith. And that is the part, I fear that though I am reading and trying to pray, I don't know how much faith I really have. I don't know if he can truly heal me. And by this I mean, how can I learn to love someone else and truly be happy if I can't even do that when I am by myself? How can I learn to be happy being me? How can I feel complete when I know that my other half is somewhere out there?

Death

So out of all the things I could do on a beautiful summer day, my parents and I happen to head to a funeral. I am not a big crier so I wasn't too keen on going but we did and I did. The man who had died was my friend and adviser in our priest's quorum growing up. He had Parkinson's disease so it was a long hard battle but he died probably a week ago so we gave our condolences to the family and stayed for the service after the wake, which not trying to be irreverent but I never understood why they call it that because if he indeed did wake up we would probably just kill him because of the shock it would cause. Maybe it's just me.

The reason I am writing about this is because it really came to a head today as I was in the pew listening to stories about his life. He was a Renaissance Man of sorts. He had multiple degrees, intelligent, a lover, a fighter, a free spirit, a world traveler, a father and husband, a Son of God. His children talked about their relationships with him and the relationship he had with their mother. His last moments in life where not spent thinking about affect that his leaving would have on his life, but hers. He loved her from the moment they met to the day he died. He loved their kids in that same way too. They were all his favorites. The big thing that really hit home is that he died peacefully. After such a long and painful fight with that debilitating disease, he died peacefully.

No matter if you die suddenly or over a long period of time, we all die and the passing is peaceful. You leave here to go back to live with God and you will be brought back to the happiest time in your life, which for me so far was when I was closest to God which was when I was on my mission. I really did feel very peaceful on my mission. I had no worries, no stress, and all I had to do was live and share and teach others about how to develop the most important relationship I have in my life which is with my Savior, Jesus Christ. I don't know how to explain the feelings and thoughts I had as I sat there and pondered my relationship I had with this man and how he helped me along and prepared me spiritually for my life. All I know is it felt good. It felt great. Not just to be able to let out some pent up emotions and tears but the Spirit in the meeting. It just is so reassuring that as one of the speakers said in the service that death is not really a punctuation mark. It isn't a period, a question mark, or even an exclamation point. It is a comma. This life is neither the beginning nor the end of life but only a small portion of the overall journey. Thank God for His love and mercy in giving us the gospel of Jesus Christ.