Love... The Beautiful Dance

Things happen for a reason... and one of the things I have to say is that love grows, it blooms, but it can fade. Don't let the chance for it pass you by.

You will have to pause or mute my music player in the right hand column to really appreciate this video in its fullness. I know you won't want to, but it really is worth it. The animation is amazing... The music is good too. ;)

Wandering Within The Details

Daydreams sometimes can be the best dreams. It is funny because usually they happen when you are trying to concentrate the hardest. Whether your focus is on a thought or a conversation, it is like your mind is walking along and then gets distracted all the sudden by some small important yet ironically insignificant detail. For instance, I was talking with a friend through Skype because we live far away and as we were talking and laughing over things, it was almost like watching her look down at her screen made me feel like I was there in the room with her. I began to feel as if she was looking down at me as I lay on the ground below her, listening. I could see her hair fall over the contours of her face and as I studied her face, I caught myself falling into her deep beautiful eyes. I smiled when I thought of what her perfectly formed lips must feel like. Slowly I left this place within the details, reluctantly returning back into to the real world. It is these moments where I am happy that I am alive, because this is exactly what living is all about. Having dreams and watching them unfold into a beautiful reality.

You Are A Block of Wood

Most people see each other as JUST people. JUST is a word without any magic. Do we live JUST another life? Am I JUST another person in JUST another place having JUST another day? Why can't we believe? There is more to life than living and more to life than seeing what we see.

Think of a familiar friend... old what's his name. He has that way about him even though he looks like everybody else, talks like everybody else, will live and die like everybody else, and though he may be short or tall, big or small, wide or thin, there is something to his mischievous grin... it's magic.

What do you see in the mirror? Do you see all the magic that is hidden inside of you. Watch the world around you, the miracle of life. All of creation... life in its simplest form is nothing more than magic. Now all you have to believe is that it's in you too. It's you and every day you can make miracles. You can bring the breath of life into everything and everyone that is around you. But first you must learn to let go. First, you must believe.

For a time, I had forgotten who I was and that little light inside everyone. It is there when you look into a child's eyes and catch that smile that is hidden just below the surface... it is our sparkle. Believe that anything is possible and you will see wonders beyond your imagination but it all starts when you believe. Tomorrow just might be the day you or I have been waiting for you so let's not miss it for the world. And in the words of Edward Magorium,

When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words.

I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died."

Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.

The Fall Colors

I think I could have been named Tom after watching The 500 Days of Summer. I am from back east, New Hampshire, but I go to school in Utah, where I can only ever be home in the Summer and never the season I love, which is Autumn. The colors are absolutely breathtaking and when you are in the middle of it, it just feels right. It is the season where you really just feel alive...

All the things I love happen during Autumn. It is just the beginning of hot cocoa season. You can

wear sweatshirts and hoodies all the time. It is cold enough that you have your arms around someone, even if it is yourself, just to keep warm. The sounds and smells and colors of nature swim around you like the currents in the sea. You can't help but dive into it ever time you step outside. There just isn't anything like a New England Autumn.

If only I could go and find someone other than endless Summers waiting to greet me when I came home. If home is where the heart is, the older I get the more I think I have lost my way. Still, something inside me knows the feeling, knows it will come back around. And as long as you keep watching, the leaves will always change.

The Four Loves

Need-love cries to God from our poverty; Gift-love longs to serve, or even to suffer for, God; Appreciative love says: ‘We give thanks to thee for thy great glory.’ Need-love says of a woman ‘I cannot live without her’; Gift-love longs to give her happiness, comfort, protection – if possible, wealth; Appreciative loves gazes and holds its breath and is silent, rejoices that such a wonder should exist even if not for him, will not be wholly dejected by losing her, would rather have it so than never to have seen her at all.

-C.S. Lewis

What manner of man are you?

We all should if we don't already have a variety of outlets and one of mine happens to be books. I was working through a bunch of thing yesterday and I decided to take a quick break and so I broke open a book I just bought. I went to a used bookstore and picked up a couple of books by C.S. Lewis and one by John Steinbeck. I bought The Great Divorce, The Problem with Pain, Miracles, and a couple others, one of which was Of Mice and Men. So without warning I dove into Steinbeck's classic and was swallowed up in the mental imagery and beauty until the time passed away and I realized I had read the whole book, cover to cover. It was fantastic...

Steinbeck has a way with words where he can paint the situation and atmosphere for his characters so well that you feel like you are walking into with the characters themselves. But the amazing thing comes that when the characters do enter the scene, Steinbeck paints them with equal skill but as the dialogue begins and relationships develop between you and these characters, the setting fades away as it should. He gives you just enough to suck you in but only just enough so it doesn't become overflowed with unnecessary detail. Wonderful simplicity.

Everyone could connect with these characters. We have all met someone like them, whether it is woman starving for attention because her life is full of empty yesterdays and forgotten dream or the man as large and strong as an ox who wouldn't hurt a fly. The title itself is a wonderful symbol, seen throughout the book. The characters have different attributes of mice (naive to the dangers around them, weak or skittish personalities, or just trying to survive) or men (nobility and honor, the taking advantage of one another's weaknesses to assert dominance, or willingness to listen and ability to see past a person's appearance without passing judgments). The most beautiful portion of the story was the constant presence of death: the mice, the puppy, the old sheep dog, and finally Lennie himself. It was so poetic that the tool that killed the sheep dog who unknowingly and compassionately was lead to slaughter, took Lennie's life in a similar fashion.

All I have to say is that I love Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men. If you have never read it, you should. It helps us see how fragile yet beautiful mortality can be. It is a beautiful gift and many live life in such a way that it can lose its value by becoming lost in the repetition and monotony that society and its needs take upon our time. It only reinforced to me how important it is to have loyalty and trust, relationships based on love, and to live one's life in pursuit of a dream. Who are you? What are your dreams? Whether we eventually reach that dream or not, we at least live a life of purpose and though we may be shooting for something that lies beyond our reach, high among the heavens, we will at least land somewhere among the stars. Are you a mouse or a man?

Is This A Good Time...?

Have you ever seen that music video by Flight of the Conchords where the two guys meet the same girl at the same time and are both interested in her? Well since recently, I keep meeting these fantastic women that I am seriously interested in, but when I go and talk to my friends about how things are going and they name off these amazing women that they have met, they happen to name off the very same women I was going to tell them about. Some guys have bad luck, others are unusually clumsy, but me... I have unusually bad timing with a strong sense of loyalty to my friends. So I have to let it run its course and whatever happens, happens. It will all work out in the end.

Looking Forward to the Sunrise

I realize that there are a few things in this world that make me really happy. I love seeing someone smile, and not just one of those weak I-am-so-exhausted-and-this-is-the-best-I-can-do smiles. There is something that is like a sunrise in the eyes that just causes someone's face to light up and every part of them beams with happiness. Grins aren't bad either. The mischievous ones almost seem to say "I see you looking at me. And ya, I know what you are thinking." But my favorite smiles are the ones that you catch in a glimpse or watch as they slowly bloom into existence on the face of a friend or even a complete stranger. Smiles are simply contagious. Laughing is contagious. Hugs are contagious. Everything that is absolutely wonderful in my biased and limited perspective on life takes two. I think this is why relationships with people are so important to me because I am happy when the people I surround myself are happy.

Still, this last week was a super long week for me. I swear that teachers honestly have the best of intentions for us but their uncanny ability to test us not just extensively on material but all at the same time... very frustrating. I swear it is like they all get together during their department meetings and discuss everything but the schedules of their syllabi. They love to discuss the content since that is always similar but the timing seems to follow that they get to the point where they are like, "Since we have gone over 8 chapters in the book, it is about time to check their understanding with this test. I figure that it is good timing because Jeff, over in the math department, he is doing that too." It just so happens that Jeff who is friends with Dan, also got his idea from Bob, who is collaborating with Robert, and you get the idea... regular course load that already is time consuming with the addition of a half dozen tests makes already busy weeks feel like you are taking a short vacation through Dante's Inferno.

When finally all of this was over, I decided it would be good to come up for air, relax a bit, and take time to recollect my thoughts. I do what I typically do and went for a walk. I feel like there is something that happens when the world sleeps that the night has this ability to soothe the emotions, relax the mind, and just open you up and allow you to see things from a better perspective. But I know it isn't good for us to be alone so I decided that I would stop by and visit a few friends I hadn't seen in a while on my way home. All I have to say is that it was a good decision. Laughter, smiles, hugs, and just honestly feelings of belonging and appreciation. These are people who love me and I love them because we really know each other and still love one another, faults and all. I hope that in the end, I will find someone who likes long walks, because life is one long roller coaster ride and I know it is just not as fun without someone else to enjoy it with. And in the words of a wise friend, "I have to go to bed, not just because I am tired, but because I know tomorrow is going to be better because it is going to be the start of a new day."

Music is what feelings sound like... (Part 3)

When I said it was a hundred percent up to her... well, for those of you who actually know me, know that I don't like to leave things like love up to chance. I am, in a complete understatement, proactive in this pursuit. I knew that I seriously ticked her off with what I had done and I knew how I felt about it, so I went ahead and told her what I told of you and apologized. She acted like nothing was wrong and almost looked shocked by what I told her. Still, she in turn apologized as well and I felt like I had at least found some closure if nothing else. Either way, her response for me was unclear. I figured that at least there was no harsh or unkind words in the end.

If there is one thing that I am though, like I said, it is proactive and persistent. I heard that her favorite band was coming into town yesterday and so I decided that I would make it special for her. Our family has traditions and one of them is that when you are invited or decide to go to a concert of someone that know, you bring them flowers and tell them what a great job they did. Nevertheless, I don't know the band and I barely have started listening to their music... they are excellent by the way. They are like a Christian alternative band meets Jack Johnson in style or format of music but I like their lyrics much better than Jack's. Sorry Jack... no disrespect.

Anyways, I thought about what I could do and I figured that without invitation, going to the concert would be a poor move, but I could try something else.I decided that I would contact the
band, and through a couple email conversations I asked if they would do me a favor and dedicate a song to a very special girl by name. I told them how I felt about her. I told them how much she loved their music, that she owned all of their albums that they had released so far, that her own lyrics and music are inspired by theirs, and just how excited she is for their concert. In the end, I think it all worked out and surprisingly, I don't even care if she ever finds out that it was me that helped orchestrate it, because this is what she said:

Got up on stage with [him]. Sang with [him]. Got pics with [him]. Smelled him. Hugged him. Got his sig. Talked music with him. Heaven. Utter Heaven.

I think no matter what, I won't want to let her go but it is time to move on. I did my job and made my mark. She doesn't talk to me anymore, but I think this is the signal that my part is in this play is over and I can bow out and find someone that hopefully will be as crazy about me as I am about her. Until then, I am sure more epic stories and epic failures are to follow.

Music is what feelings sound like... (Part 2)

Well I am glad that I am surrounded by people who really listen to me and can say just the things that I need to hear. First off, this is hopefully a lesson I have learned because it truly does suck. And it hurts. But I was impatient. I over analyzed. I realize now, which is a little late, that even though things had gone well, they also didn't turn out. I had taken such a big risk when I put myself out there because of the manner I asked her out, that when the date actually did go well, I blew it out of proportion. She really did make me forget about what I was doing, gave me butterflies just thinking about her, and when I was with her time just flew by. But in all my excitement of wanting to know when could I see her again, I made a huge mistake. I did not wait. I did not listen. I did not want to because I was selfish. Any good that I may have done in the past was pretty much canceled out by what I just have done. The thing is it is out of my control because I cannot take it back. I have always been the one to put myself out there from the beginning, and even though I definitely, and ironically, am attempting to remove my foot from my mouth, I tried. And I hope that is good enough. Though I can ask, would I take back the things that I said that got me here, if I could? All the bad ones I would give up in a second. Would I want to start over if I could? I don't know because I don't know what I would have learned or if it would ever had worked out. This one may still work out! I honestly have no clue. The only thing is that I know is if she ever finds her way here and reads this, I pray that she will try to understand. I hope she will have faith enough in me to give me another shot, whether or not I deserve one. As for now, I will still be myself whenever I see her and one thing is for certain. At this point, this really is now completely and hundred percent up to her.

Music is what feelings sound like...

For those of us that have yet to leave home, let me tell you now. College is all about making first impressions. You do it all the time! There are so many people, you are all walking the same sidewalks, breathing the same air, listen to the same lectures, so why not strike up a conversation if you already happen to be sharing pretty much everything else, ya know? It is pretty easy to make a good first impression because typically we are always trying to be our best selves, but the stakes are somewhat higher when it is a first date. It basically is incomparable! Still, I figure being at college and BYU being a social one for that, I think a lot of guys are habitual first daters... I can not deny that I am one as well. And what you say suddenly becomes truly important! If you haven't had the experience of trying to remove your foot from your mouth over the period of time you are together, the second dates are typically up to the women though you have to be man enough to ask for one.

Everyone has jitters when you meet someone new and when things go well, it makes it even that much more fun. Though sometimes, those jitters also come when things don't go all too well. I had planned out this group date idea and I thought it was fantastic. Corn maze, hay ride, buy some pumpkins so if it went well you could carve them as a second date. I was excited and I was lucky enough to ask out an absolutely beautiful stranger. Then of course, the problems come as my group started falling out. And then when I changed plans to a bike ride down to the river followed by a quick dinner at a fun hole-in-the-wall burger joint, what happens? My bike goes flat the night before. So I am scrambling around and I feel a little jittery which is slightly unusual. I am pretty confident guy on most terms, but for some reason I am getting the nerves going.

Well I go over and meet her at her place, and she is looking fantastic. It was hard for me to stay focused when I was riding my bike because I couldn't keep my eyes off her. But nevertheless, we had a blast... biking, going to a park, going for a walk down by the river, dinner, etc. Then we head back home and when we go to her apartment, we start talking again... music, family, pictures, etc. And I remember hearing that she had a guitar! Sometimes people are uneasy when it comes to performing, one of my old roommates for instance. He hated to sing in front of people. But he has an excellent voice and his musical talent on the guitar matches his voice. So I go ahead and ask her to play for me.

It really wasn't that big of a deal. She says she likes to perform but as she played, I watched her. She was so focused. Concentrating so hard. Watching every note and singing every lyric just right. It was amazing. And I won't lie, she messed up a little here and there, but that was just it... right then, she slowed down and moved right on through. I wanted to tell her to not worry about it and just keep going but to hear her sing... and to hear her play... I was pretty much mesmerized. It would be an dishonest and a complete understatement to say that I was only impressed. The thing is that I want to think that all of her focus was because she was playing for me, but she hardly knows me. And yet here I am, writing about it the night of. I guess it is that music for me is the way that you can express your dreams and feelings, all the emotions within you in such a way that it can mean everything or nothing at the same time. It is a connection and a expression of who you really are or hope to be inside... true music. Not all music, the stuff that sells and is played on the radio is that way, but people who write for themselves, I like to hope that it is that type of an outlet for them. So I guess I am trying to say is that this woman doesn't have to try so hard, she didn't have to be nervous at all, because she is honestly amazing... inside and out. But there is one last confession I will make...

And if she had said that, I totally would have...

Forgiveness Flour

When I went to the door, at the whisper of
Knocking, I saw Simeon Gartner's daughter,
Kathleen, standing there, in her shawl and her
Shame, sent to ask "Forgiveness Flour" for her
Bread. "Forgiveness Flour," we call it in our
Corner. If one has erred, one is sent to ask
For flour of his neighbors. If they loan it to
Him, that means he can stay, but if they
Refuse, he had best take himself off. I looked
At Kathleen... what a jewel of a daughter,
Though not much like her father, more's the
Pity. "I'll give you flour," I said, and went to
Measure it. Measuring was the rub. If I gave
Too much, neighbors would think I made sin
Easy, but if I gave too little, they would label
Me "close." While I stood measuring, Joel, my
Husband came in from the mill, a great bag of
Flour on his shoulder, and seeing her there,
Shrinking in the doorway, he tossed the bag at
Her feet. "Here, take all of it." And so she
Had flour enough for many loaves, while I
Stood measuring. -Anonymous

All I Need...

I know that sometimes I ask a lot. Sometimes I don't ask at all. But right now... right now... I need you. All I need is a friend. I need someone who can listen to my heart, because sometimes I don't say everything I feel. It is not that I am bad at expressing myself. In fact, most people tell me that I express myself quite well. It is just that I need someone who can look at me, into me, and fill that hole that sits there inside. I honestly have met dozens of fantastic people whom I am happy to be able to call friends, but I still need more. I feel incomplete, broken, unbalanced in some way, and it is sobering. I need that strong support. Someone who can help me see that things aren't really all that bad, in fact, things are going well. Is it too much to ask for a real friend?

Creativity Project

So I have still been running thoughts through my head for my project for my History of Creativity class and I think I have some real good ones! Still I need feedback, so please comment on these and give me a little picture of what your thoughts and impressions are. In simplest terms, the project is for us to creatively display part of history that we will learn about (from recorded history to about the time of the crusades) in some sort of small modern application.

My first thought was inspired from "Timeline" by Michael Crichton. It got made into a movie which was pretty good but not surprisingly did not live up to the novel. Anyways, my idea is almost like the game on Sesame Street of which object is not like the others, which one does not belong. We have been reading about Egypt and China, how they were highly isolated civilizations but also highly creative. What if I took an aspect of each culture that was unique to that civilization and transplanted it into the other? What would be the affects of that event? How would it change the interactions and technology? Seems like it would be hard to do, to theorize and present the idea but it could still be done.

Second thought was involving the Golden Mean. It is a mathematical ratio that is used in geometry and architecture and even in sculptures and the Mona Lisa. I was thinking of making my own Mona Lisa... painting or sketching of a scene or portrait of someone involving these mathematical ratios but then copying the same painting and using a highlighter or some other fashion to show the ratios in the art... perhaps cutting out the different areas and stacking them three dimensionally out of the plane of the art so they become more obvious.

Third, I go to a nice university in the hills of Utah called Brigham Young University. I like it. It has been working for me so far, but universities were developed and used in Athens, Greece. They were used to brainstorm different ideas and discuss the philosophies of the day. We do the same thing here. I figure if I could make a presentation (possibly movie) of my teachers (representing some of the great minds like Socrates, Plato, Pythagoras, Homer, etc), talking about the doctrines that we teach today and comparing it to the ideas they had back in Ancient Greece. Kind of a display of the transition of creative thought through time.

Lastly, I really enjoyed reading Aesop's Fables when I was a kid. They were short stories that taught moral messages, which were highly memorable. I figure that I could do something similar except I could use things I have learned in my own life, or possibly even stories that we read in the weekly Police Beat here at BYU. Same idea, different stories, new time... I would entitle it: Aesop's Foibles.

Again, I have to start being decisive and choosing one of these to begin working on, so if I could get input back that would be fantastic. Thanks again and wish me luck!

Comfort Zone

Have you ever been to a birthday party where the parents have ordered one of those huge inflatable bounce houses? I once had a friend describe to me as that being her comfort zone. She was okay in certain places and certain situations, but outside of that it was tough for her to describe how she felt and what to do. I have been there too. I think everyone has had at one point in their lives. The difference is what we plan to do once we have to come to this realization.

I believe that comfort zones are really just a folly. I know who I am. I know my potential. And I know that as long as I refuse to doubt and trust in the Lord, then all things are possible. I know this because I have experienced it and I hope to experience it again. If we know who we are, we become comfortable in almost any situation because we know how to act. It is almost like our bounce house has become our very skin. If I know who I am, I can become comfortable with being myself. I can walk anywhere, go anywhere, be anywhere, and be okay being my true self. This means that I can even go into someone else's bounce house and be where they are. All they have to do is let me in without pelting me with all the plastic balls that are in there. You know the ones I am talking about. But why would I risk it? First off those stupid little balls don't hurt that badly to begin with, but if you are able to get someone to come out of their comfort zone and see the world for how it really is... isn't that worth it?

It's cold. Can we cuddle?

I thought it was a good idea, and I swear that I had everything planned out to a tee. We were going to go out to the canyons and watch a movie with a big group of people and I had asked a bunch of people to go, girls and guys. I even had a date. Then life began to set in. If you invite girls, people, to anything remember the 10% rule. Similar to tithing, you only need to worry about 10%, in this case it is the number of people you invited. The rest will be lame and not come. So in any case, out of all the people I talked to, pretty much only my roommate came. Otherwise, everyone else were from a different group. So my plan of bringing a blanket was a bust minus the fact that now we got to sit on it instead of using it properly.

We get up there and my friend Spencer, which the party was his idea, couldn't figure out how to set up the sheet for the projector. He and I put our heads together and with a little "magic" it was up and ready to go. Now this is Utah, so at nights the desert gets cold so the canyon also has that same wonderful feature. I had lent out my blanket to someone else, and I will be honest it was getting a little cold. The girl in front of me wasn't fairing much better. While the rest of her friends were all cuddling up together she sat alone. I tried thinking of a million ways to put it to her and the best option I could come up with was just two simple statements of honest truth: "It's cold. Can we cuddle?" Body heat is a wonderful thing, but I simply couldn't do that to a complete stranger. Instead I stood up, walked around a bit, let the blood start flowing again, that kind of thing. And I realized something interesting about myself.

I know that I am a huge movie junkie. I have known that for years. Still, I am out in a canyon on a beautiful starry night, there are fires going, a stream behind us. And the only thing I can think that I really want to do is go explore. I want to walk around, look at the stars, listen to the water rush by. It is almost like it is calling to me! I definitely think the apostles have it right. Don't take a girl on a date to a movie, canyon or movie theater, it doesn't matter. It isn't social. It is just plain stupid. The end of the story you wonder? Well, lucky me, my wanderings were able to prepare me for the unexpected. I ended up not being in the middle of the sprinklers when they decided to come on. What a wonderful surprise! It was a fun and interesting night with a lot of laughs but it was so cold... You'd think everyone would want to cuddle.

Behold the Man (Chapter 7)

I really enjoy reading books and sometimes I find things that are real good eye openers. I liked this one a lot and so I am just going to quote it but bear with me...

"Now, for the both of you, as you know, the first marriage of all marriages was performed by God himself, between Father Adam and Mother Eve. Not only is this proof of the sanctity of marriage and its centrality for all mankind, but there is much in the account thereof which provides instruction for us.

"When Adam was placed in the Garden of Eden, he was alone. After a time, the Lord God, blessed be his name, made a profound declaration. Said he: 'It is not good for man to be alone.'"

He leaned forward, as earnest as Simeon could ever remember seeing him. "Consider on that statement for a moment, Simeon and Yehuda. That is a divine declaration. 'It is not good for man to be alone.'"

David let that sink in, his eyes challenging them to ponder the import of those words. Then he went on. "After declaring that it is not good for man to be alone, the Holy One of Israel made a second, most significant declaration. He said, 'I shall make an help meet for him.' That is a most instructive term, 'help meet.' In the original Hebrew of the sacred writ the phrase is ezer knegdo. Some have translated that phrase to mean a helper or a help mate. That is not true to the deeper meaning of the phrase. Helper would imply a superior role for men and a helping or inferior role for women. Many feel that way, of course, and treat their wives as chattel, but that is not what the Creator of us all declared. Knegdo means to 'meet' or to have two things brought together. But it carries a much deeper connotation, where one finds something that is equal to something else. In other words, a help meet is a person who helps us 'meet ourselves,' like looking into a mirror and seeing yourself."

Both Yehuda and Simeon were listening intently. They knew the words of course, but they had not heard it defined in exactly this way.

"What then follows is the creation of Eve. And here, too, there is much for us to learn from the sacred word. You know it well. The Lord God caused a deep sleep to come upon Adam, and he took from his side a rib, and from that rib he created woman."

Simeon's father smiled thoughtfully. "I've wondered if the Lord couched this account in imagery to teach us important truths. It is a widespread supposition, for example, that men have one less rib than women, a fact that Luke, our physician here, assures me is not the case. But be that as it may, what do we learn from the story of the rib?"

Simeon tentatively raised a hand. "I've heard it said that woman was taken from Adam's side because it is closest to his heart, suggesting that she should walk beside him always."

"Yes, I'm sure that is part of it. If Eve had been taken from Adam's head, then she would rule over him. If she was taken from his foot, he would rule over her. If from his hand, she would be only a tool to do his bidding. To be taken from the side is beautiful imagery and teaches us much about how we are to treat our wives. But I think there is something much more profound than that."

The two men waited expectantly, not yet seeing what it was David was suggesting.

"Once Eve was created from the bone taken from Adam, what follows in the account?"

"The commandment for them to become one flesh," Yehuda replied.

"Yes. Think about that. Adam now has a help meet, or in other words, he has finally met his equal. And the Lord now says, 'Therefore'- in other words, because I have created woman and brought her to you- 'Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife."

David ben Joseph stopped and turned his head. In the distance, as though barely a whisper, the first cries of the approaching wedding party could be heard. He turned back quickly. "Think of that interesting choice of verbs for a moment. Normally, 'to cleave' means to cut asunder, to split into two parts. We speak, for example, of the camel having a cloven hoof. But in our language, that word also carries the opposite meaning. It means to put back together two things that have been separated, to join them so tightly one to the other it is as if there was no original separation.

"And here, my two young sons, is the key to understanding how God views this sacred relationship between a man and a woman. Adam had something cut away from him, cloven from his side. He was missing something. He was not whole any longer. So what is the solution? How does a man become whole again?"

"By cleaving to our wives," Simeon said in wonder.

"Yes. By cleaving to the only creation that is truly equal to us. And when we cleave together- or better, cleave back together- we become whole once again. We become not two, but one- one in flesh, one in mind, one in spirit. Then and only then, can man be fully complete."

Simeon was struck with another thought. No wonder his mother and father loved each other as they did. This was the basis for that love: total respect for each other, viewing themselves as different but of equal importance.

-Gerald N. Lund

Graceful

Grace is nothing more than slowing things down and lengthening a controlled motion. It is perspective. A walk is really a fall. A run is a different form of someone tripping. A song is a cry or a scream. I guess beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty comes from self-control, repetition, and again a unique sense of perspective.

History of Creativity

I had my first lecture in my History of Creativity class. It was rather interesting to say the least but it definitely is going to make me stretch. I made a goal in class to help myself work on my creativity and it was to think about things from alternative perspectives and question things. It didn't take much time either! By the time I got home I was practicing as much as I could.

Razors... why are they flat? Is it because they are made to be like wedges? Is it because the metal can be made to be stronger and sharper through different manufacturing processes? (This is the engineer coming out in me...) Either way, a better study of inventions brings about new ways for application or redesigning of materials.

Why do toothbrushes have bristles? Baleen whales kind of have bristles... their teeth siphon or pick out the food particles from the water so they can swallow them. We obviously use the bristles on a toothbrush to pick out food so we can spit it out, but if we really wanted to I guess we could swallow them. Have you noticed that buildings are like trees in their construction? Energy is pushed through wires or tubes to supply the structure with its needs: electricity, plumbing, nutrients, sugar, etc. In the meantime, the unique construction also provides insulation, protection, strength, and almost a sense of majestic dignity or size. I guess why they call metropolitan areas urban forests. Maybe a better study of nature can bring about a way to think creatively or inventively by trying to imitate characteristics found in world around us.

Have you ever tried the different flavors of peanut butter? Did you even know that you could taste more than one flavor for peanut butter? Try tasting it on different areas of your tongue. When you use the front of your tongue, licking the peanut butter will taste more like peanuts, much like you are used to. Now try spreading it on the back of your tongue with your finger and it may taste a lot more like butter than peanuts. Crazy, huh? Peanut butter has oil. This is why it sticks to a knife and water runs off of it when you try to clean it. Oil is used to protect metal from water, both as a lubricant and to keep it from rusting. Sounds like a clever application of natural biological, physical, and chemical properties.

And all of this happened since I had dinner! I hope I will be able to come up with a good idea for my project in the class. Very different...

Planning to Start Over

Well this is the last weekend I have until school starts again. I luckily have been able to get most of the major things accomplished so far and hopefully, just doing that will help me organize things and be able to relax for the rest of it. It has been a great way to finish off the summer. I went golfing a couple of times with my dad, my brother, and family friends. I was able to spend time with my niece and the rest of my brother's family. Read about a half dozen books, almost finishing a series. It has been a great summer, both relaxing and a lot of fun. Still, I think it is good to have a plan and to set some goals for these upcoming semesters.

I have never really been a big fan of goals but who knows? Maybe if I actually work on these and look back at them from time to time I might be able to reach them. Start small and work bigger. And how else am I supposed to know if I am being successful if there is nothing to measure my success against. So if I am going to be starting over, I might as well have a plan.

1. I figure the most important thing is my health. If you don't have that, then really what do you have? So I am making a goal to not only keep track of it but find a way to send any information that my doctors may require to them. Plus, I think it would be good if I set up some sort of exercise routine. Running is always good but I need to work my upper body and core more. So physically I am going to clean up my act and set better exercise habits.

2. Spiritually, I need to do a couple of things. I need to improve my temple attendance. I live in Utah now for heaven's sake. How hard could it be? Twice a month shouldn't be too hard. I also need to work on developing a habit of steady daily scripture reading and study. I think if I am able to do this, a lot of things would naturally begin to fall in place. If I am spiritually and physically balanced, I will be at the top of my game.

3. I need to make sure that school is a priority. I worked my tail off this summer so I wouldn't have to work during the semester and could concentrate fully on my studies. If this is to be something measurable, then what I am going to shoot for is that by next semester I will have applied for and have been given an academic scholarship. I had one as a Freshman and then I just forgot to reapply after I got back from my mission. I should get on that again.

4. When it comes to my family, I am going to miss them a lot and even though I consider myself pretty well connected and I feel like I talk to them a lot, I need to do better. I need to be consistent. I need to call not just my mother often but my dad too... just to talk, ask for advice, tell them I love and appreciate them, etc. I need to skype weekly on Sundays. I will also try to figure out a way to squeeze my grandparents in there too (phone call, message once in a while).

5. Lastly, I am not going to focus so much on dating. And by dating I mean trying to find or form a relationship. I need solid friendships first. I need to meet people, try to be natural, and just make the best of everything, and just have fun. I don't need to put pressure on myself because when I do, everyone notices. I need to be patient and just slow down. So this semester, the goal is friends... next semester, well we will see where we are when we get there and then who knows? Goals are meant to be flexible, right?

A Beautiful Mind

"What truly is logic? Who decides reason? My quest has taken me to the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional, and back. I have made the most important discovery of my career - the most important discovery of my life. It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reason can be found. I am only here tonight because of you. You are the only reason I am. You are all my reasons. Thank you."

I wish I knew a girl like this... Still waiting. Amazing story that shows that love conquers all and that if you believe something, it can become real. You can overcome anything if you put your mind to it. I just wish that I met someone patient enough to see what I have to offer, someone that excites me and appreciates me as much as I can them, and if I ever meet this girl, I hope I will recognize her and have the courage to pursue her enough that she will open up and give me that one shot that I have been hoping for. It is one thing to have a beautiful mind, but I believe the best thing I have to offer is my heart.

A Stage for the Imagination

For once in a really long time, I have been able to start relaxing in my long busy summer. And go figure but when I find free time and my family is off doing a thousand things... I read. I have read three books so far this summer and each and every one of them has been fantastic. I have to recommend them! The first two were The Screwtape Letters and Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis. The Screwtape Letters presents a perspective on humanity through the communication between one man's guardian devil and that devil's experienced uncle, Screwtape. Yes, I said guardian devil. This short read presents the vices of the world and many of the reasons why we may forget who we are and this moment in eternity which we call life. Amazing book and an especially creative and unique viewpoint for sure.

Mere Christianity is equally interesting. I didn't know what to expect when I opened it up, I had heard of it before, and I was curious especially because of the title. What I found was that this book followed the logic and reasoning behind one man's journey from atheism to discovering the truths and doctrines within Christianity. This man being none other than C. S. Lewis himself. Fabulously written and it really opens a window to the mind of this amazingly persuasive writer.

The last book I read, I had actually heard before. Our family likes to travel and visit family and when I was younger we went on cross country drives-camping trips to the Mountain West from the East Coast. In any case, our family would read book series in the car or at night. After this long introduction, Gerald N. Lund's Kingdom and the Crown Series starts with the fantastic historical fiction novel, The Fishers of Men. This story introduces a few fictional families that lived during the time of Jesus Christ in the Galilee and in the Jerusalem area. It portrays a wide variety of characters their interactions and struggles as they hear and follow the ministry of the Savior. It brings to life the political, religious, and social strife of the time and for me was like reliving and watching these people find strength beyond their own as their hearts are changed while they come to know the Savior of the world.

Books are so much better than movies. I had almost forgotten the power of the imagination. In a film, you watch the emotion and drama and excitement unfold before your eyes. In a story, your mind opens up to all new possibilities. You create the look of the character, the way they walk, interact, move, but now you can even look inside them. You hear their thoughts, touch the feelings in their heart, and almost become a part of them, connecting to their conflicts with the ones that you yourself have experienced.


It enlightens and stretches your mind, opens you up to new ways of thinking, and as you fall in love with the characters good and bad, you find them in your own life and sometimes even within you. There really is nothing that is much better than a great book. It can become the stage for the wiles of your imagination.

Torn By a Friend

Sometimes I wonder why I care. Is it merely because that is what separates me from everything else in the world? Or is it so I can learn more about myself? How vulnerable can I really be? It destroys me when things fall apart. I don't know whether I need to try harder or try less, because I just hope that you will be happy. All I know is that the dreams I had, the plans I made, and things I knew... they are just gone. I thought there would be tears, heartbreak, and it's not because I didn't love you. I did and probably more than you will ever get to know but it is because I trusted you. I don't know if I can do that again. It is not so much that you lied but that you forgot. I gave you something that meant so much to me and you left it there on the floor, like a present unwrapped only so far as to see what it was and dropped because it wasn't exactly what you wanted. I don't even know if you even really looked at it before you threw it away. And so there I lie, broken and forgotten, torn and bitter, but lovingly forgiving because I hope you are happy. Your choices are exactly that... your own. So what is wrong with me? Why do I not hate you or breakdown because of the pain I feel? It is almost like if I did I would be weak, or be admitting aloud that you meant to me exactly how you really do or that there might actually be something wrong with me when there is really not. I guess I am just not him and so here I am confused. And it is sad, because typically I am so confident and sure. You never even told me that you had past me by and I wouldn't have ever even known if it wasn't for the grapevine. Thanks for that because you know what, I am only just a friend.

You're Gonna Miss This

One of the things that I do is think a lot. I think about how I want my world to be, how I want my life to turn out, and who I want to be. I think about my family as of late. It is amazing how quiet a house is when you are the only one at home. I miss the noise, the music, the life that my family brings. I miss all the little things. It made me think how much I want to be a big part of my future family. I know that is a little premature, but nonetheless, in all seriousness, I don't want to miss a thing. I need to be there for my kids, to be there for the smiles, the laughter, the tears. I need to be there for my wife. I want to hold her tight and tell her that I will love her forever. I don't know what prompted this thought. Maybe it is the fact that for a month this summer I have been here at home alone working. It isn't worth it. Maybe it was the fact that this summer a dozen of my friends met someone special and ended up tying the knot. Whatever the reason, I don't ever want to be alone.

Wants and Needs

There is a real difference between what we call wants and needs. I find this fascinating because many times we confuse the two so readily, that we can't recognize which is which. I need to pay for college and so this summer I work my butt off and eventually my desire or wanting to have fun and relax becomes a need after pulling 70 hour weeks. But sometimes what we want and what we think we need we can not have. What we can have or what we need is already inside us just needing to be found. I want to love and be loved. I want peace and acceptance. I want... I need these things. Whether these complement us or clash, a ying or a yang, in turn they complete us. They are a way for us to see into our souls.

We may try to define or prioritize our lives in such a way as this, I think we can really just label it all as Desire. The smiles that leave us breathless, the grin that brings a blush, or the person that sees us as geniuses but accepts us when we play the part of the fool. We may think we stand alone, but what we do is stand together. All the love, acceptance, and ability to be me is already mine. With a little patience, confidence, and persistance to live what I know to be true principles, what really is most important to me will always be here, standing right beside me. And again the only thing that can stop me is me, so I need to exercise a little self-control and in the end I will get exactly what I want and need, all that I desire.

Get Lost in the Rain

Happiness is an interesting thing, and I like thinking about interesting things. Happiness seems in many peoples' lives conditional instead of a choice. Now why is that? Does life have to be a bed of roses for us to have smiles on our faces or can we just accept that life is hard? I truly believe that all we need to do to be happy is to choose to be. If we make the best of our situation and accept our efforts we are able to live in our circumstances. They do not define us by any means. Some of the best minds and people I have come to know live in the hardest circumstances. But they get by and life for them is good.

Now that is an idea... make a "Life is Good" t-shirt with someone at work, like a postal worker getting chased by a dog or a man at a desk buried in paperwork. Seriously though, no matter what is raining on our parade, in time a rainbow is sure to follow. So let us embrace those hard times, because they are the good times. It is when we learn and grow, fail and fail again, but eventually we will succeed, those are the good times. So don't get bogged down but embrace it and accept it ... a character building experience. And I know, character sucks especially while you are building it. But be happy and enjoy life for what it is, and take some time to get lost in the rain.

Fool's Gold

I have realized like most that there is no such thing as the perfect person, or the perfect woman for that matter. There are always shortcomings, insecurities, weaknesses, problems, but that is only one side of the coin. There is a whole other side to a person as well and when we are willing to accept a person in thier entirety and they accept us, we are golden. Then we can become the perfect person with their help. The cost of love is not as important as the value. We continue to look and search and hunt for that fool's gold. That person who we know is not really as good as they look, they still appear to look pretty dang good. We are looking for someone that could fool us into thinking they are truly golden. And it is not so much that, as it is that we are fools when we are in love. And it makes me think, if that is what I am looking for, how do I appear to other people? Am I good enough to be someone's golden boy or just a fool? I just wish I had known Kurt Lagner and had asked him what he meant when he said, "Love is a gift. You can't buy it, you can't find it, someone has to give it to you. Learn to be receptive to that gift." I guess a little patience and a little practice is in order, because how else are you to learn something than to practice it, ya know? I think I know so much but really I am just an inexperienced fool when it comes to love.

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

Me... We... You

I have always wondered what it meant to find yourself. I think I finally understand what I have to do. It wasn't about me. It was about others. When we are striving to understand who we really are, we look too much at ourselves. I found that as we lose ourselves in sacrifice and service we find love and purpose in life. We start as children thinking only of ourselves. Our needs, our wants, and no one else. Then as we grow we see that we need other people and their approval. We need them. We need their love, attention, etc. And finally, we get to the point where we don't need ourselves at all. We have reached the point that the only thing that matters to us is others and their happiness. The trick to life is practice. Receiving inspiration, selflessness, everything... it all takes practice. It takes desire, being in the right place, at the right time. But most of all I need to just simply try and try again. Eventually we learn all that we needed to. For example, the lesson I learned today was simple. God is the source of all our happiness, our joy, our blessings. What we forget is that he is the source. We begin to believe that we found joy in our blessings. God gave us the blessings. God gave us the joy. There are people out there that have the same blessings you do but they do not have joy. God is the source, not the blessing itself. We get distracted from what we have, and forget where or who it came from. It is the same with people. Love comes from the sacrifice and willingness of others. It is someone. It is not the type of person that they are, nor the ways that you express it, but the person themselves. The fact that you would do anything for them. This all comes from losing oneself. It is not about me or even we. It isn't selfish or self-full. It is learning to become selfless. If I want to find out more about me, then I need to spend a little more time loving you.

Part of the Problem

Tonight I had to say something tough to a group of girls. My sister had friends over and they needed my help with something and as I was working on it, they kept talking. These girls are young. They are at most 15 years old if not younger. One of them was talking about how awkward it was for her when her friend was making out with her boyfriend. Awkward for her? How about awkward for me! When they noticed that I had heard them, they laughed and then I asked a couple of questions trying to find out more about the situation and so they asked a couple back. I wish I could have said more…

Long story short, I told them that I had not kissed a girl until I was in college. They were dumbfounded. I said that I didn’t want to kiss someone just for fun but because I wanted it to mean something. At most, besides the long faces of utter shock, I got a fist pump from the audience. The sad thing was that there was so much more I wanted to say to them. I wanted to tell them not to give away something that they couldn’t get back. I wanted them to know how important it really is. That it isn’t just a game that we play. Every part matters. What does a kiss mean? Can someone even appreciate it when all they do is make out? What is the point? And what do you do after that loses its flavor?

I wanted to tell them that they needed to be patient. They will meet someone who truly loves them for who they are and that they shouldn’t just throw what is most precious away. For in all honesty, at this point in their life, they might think they love someone but they have to beware that they are truly being loved in return. They have to be aware that they are not just being used for someone else’s gratification. But I could not bring myself to say these things. I feel that would have been hypocritical.

What am I doing with my life?

Sometimes I just move. I don't know where to or why but I just feel like I got to go somewhere. If I knew what I was doing that would be nice too but why ask questions, ya know? I am just spontaneous with myself, even I don't know what I am doing or what my plan is. It is funny though because I find myself surprisingly comfortable with it. I try and do things but they seem to just need patience. The girl I like won't have me, yet. The job I am trying to finalize, waiting for a response. School is going to start, in August. So what do I do? Beats the heck out of me.

I figure, if I take things one step at a time and make sure that I don't make too many mistakes that I have to retrace, then by being patient now, I will get where i need to be, when I am supposed to be there. So what can I do with my life... enjoy the moment. Take it all in. Laugh more. Just have fun and work hard. Work hard, play hard. Things have worked out that way so far.

When it comes to school. I am glad the last semester is over. It was fun and I met a lot of amazing people, did well in my classes, but I am glad the stress is gone. I think that a break will be good. But since this blog is mostly for me, I think that life is amazing. When I am least expecting it and as long as I have my eyes open for it, I find opportunities for God to use me. I met the most amazing boy on the plane a couple of days ago. He was scared and excited. He was going to go check out colleges and he sure had his head on his shoulders but still he didn't know what he was doing. It was interesting to see him talk about what he wanted to major in, talk about his school, family, sports, but in all reality I could see that he didn't really know who he was or what he was doing with his life.

I know because of the restored gospel who I really am, why I am here, where I am going, and how to get there. The real important things in life have nothing to do with money, occupation, how big your house is, or how much money you make. It is who you really are and what you have become from the choices that you have made, as a person. The type of person you are is so important. I have found those things and as I explained how simple our message of Jesus Christ really is, I think I made a true influence on this boy.

He really listened. He had that light in his eyes and felt it. It is something I wish I could explain... like seeing into his eyes and watching a pile of coals slowly stir, because you see the gospel is not something new to us. It is a fire that has always burned inside us, but it is something that needs to be stoked back into life. It is something that needs to be revived. He felt my spirit and the Spirit that was with me. He accepted my invitation and I pray that he will follow through. This is not something that happens by chance. I believe that we knew in the life before this one that this would happen.

We as people are brought together and as we bump into one another along our lives, these collisions will speed us up and slow us down, sometimes pushing us off course. But then we have those moments where we again redirect ourselves. I feel like that as long as I am doing what I should and trying my best, striving to be better every day, I will be able to accomplish the Lord's will. I need more of the Lord in my life. I need to read more, pray more, and if I do just those simple things, I may finally be complete. I might find what and who I am looking for. Or maybe they will find me. I dunno really because what do I know... with what I am doing in "my life"?

Lack of Sleep

This is just one of those nights. You know the ones. The ones where you just can't seem to fall asleep no matter what you do because you just have so many thoughts in your head. It always seems to happen this time of year too. I think it is because of General Conference. The conference happens annually and semiannually, once in the beginning of April and then again in October. It is the time when the prophets and apostles come and help the world through the inspiration and guidance that they have received from God. For me it is a time to really reassess how I am doing and what I can do in the future to become better. Kind of like New Year's for most people. But in the end, I just find myself awake at night taking the time to go for a walk and just think things over.

It is funny because I don't know if I really am too much of a deep thinker as much as I am an observer. I notice a lot things in people and in the world around me. But there really isn't a lot of people out at night. It is quiet because of that; the world is sleeping all around me. The silence is beautiful. The night has the lights of the city, as I stroll through this urban forest. The river of water flows past me rolling down into the grates. My feet crunch the newly fallen snow. It is more of a dusting than anything else but it is beautiful. The small layer of white, with the lights of the city illuminating everything, reflecting off all the wet surfaces and off the clouds above. It is as almost every sound and light have become one, just as the dark and the light, the day and the night, it is peaceful but very much alive. It is funny really, if I was asleep I would miss out on all of this. It really is suprising all the things God blesses you with when you finally realize how grateful you are. Sometimes I really love having that terrible condition of having a lack of sleep.

The Blindside

Courage is a hard thing to figure. You can have courage based on a dumb idea or a mistake, but you are not supposed to question adults or your coach or your teacher. Because they make the rules. Maybe they know the best or maybe they don't.It all depends on who you come and where they come from. Didn't at least the six hundred guys think of giving up and joining with the other side. I mean... The Valley Of Death! That's pretty salty stuff.That's why courage is tricky, should you always do what others tell you to do. Sometimes you might not even know why you do something. I mean any fool can have courage. But honor, that's the real reason you do something or you don't. It's who you are and maybe who you want to be. If you die trying for something important then you have both honour and courage and that's pretty good. I think that's what the writer was saying, that you should hope for courage and try for honour and maybe even pray that the people telling you what to do have some too.

I'm Here... Kind of

The last couple of days... weeks actually... have been interesting. It has been ups and downs and overall, I don't know where it has taken me, looking back in hindsight. If I wrote all the things I have done recently, it would be quite a list. Whether it is finding new friends, losing and loving, falling back and moving forward, it has all been quite a journey. Still, things have come together recently as this semester is coming to an end. My grades are looking up, I won't be living under a bridge or in a cardboard box next fall, and I have learned a lot about myself. I learned that even though I go to my classes, I feel like none of that matters. The only thing I really look forward to is spending time with my family. School doesn't really matter all that much to me... the grades, the tests, the homework, etc. It feels more like a job than an obsession. I enjoy it, don't get me wrong. But it doesn't fascinate me. People do. And I can hardly wait to go home.

Whether it is spending time with friends, family, or just spending time doing things that I can't normally do, this is when I relax. Those are the times that I finally feel alive. Camping in Zion's National Park, competing in DanceSport, hiking Mount Timpanogos, having a Serenity party, or just taking a walk by myself to get away from it all. I really have a lot to be grateful for.

You see I am only here because this is the only place I ever wanted or expected to go to school. But in all reality I am not really here. I am here but I find myself wanting to be somewhere else. Anywhere else but here. Maybe it is just the monotony of the whole thing. Maybe it is the lack of the feeling of true family... true love. True love... feeling connected to one another in such a way that you are emotionally tied to each other with something that can not be expressed in words... a comfort, a peace, a reality, loyalty, patience, sacrifice, trust, passion, and unity. If I could find that here, then maybe, just maybe I would be able to focus. Then I might be able to sleep at nights knowing that I have everything that makes me happy.

Until then I am, like I said before, here... kind of.

A Fortunate Accident

I am a believer in fate. I believe that things happen for a reason. There is choice but our choices are predictable. We grow and change and mature, but we as people are predictable. There will be certain ways that we will respond in specific situations, and as we continue to learn and grow, the more we become what we always were and what we were meant to become. "You don't have to understand. You just have to have faith." "Faith in what?" "Destiny."

I think that as we live our lives in this manner, we continue down our individual paths, intertwining with the rest of the human race and the rest of the universe. I hold to the fact that out there as our paths intersect and cross and jumble, somewhere out there is a soul like our own. We all have people whom we are able to connect with, to be happy with, but is there someone who could make us the happiest. Is there a soul mate out there that we were all meant to find? Someone who we already know and love and are but seeking. Will I recognize her when I meet her? I hope so.

Let's go do something...

Alright, what do you wanna do?

I don't care.

Alright, come on.

The Two Way Mirror

Am I who I aught to be? Does it matter who I aught to be? Am I myself or do I put on a good face for the crowd? How do I see myself? Who is that man in the mirror? I have seen a lot of things in my life but a lot of what we see is subjective. There really is truth in the phrase, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

What is beauty? Is it honesty, reality, goodness? Is it appearance, size, shape? Is it in you? Is it in me? Who are we really? There is so many answers to so many questions, but there is never one answer to that question, it is always changing. Growing, falling, dying, living, and becoming. In the end of the day, what is most important to me is what I have become. Who am I? Now if only everyone could see inside of me as He does. The real me...

Walk With Me

We walk along through the drifting snow, the little pieces of clouds that have broken off to touch us softly and disappear on the wind. Little pieces of peace and solitude that move in utter silence until they fall upon you. They are cold. Like the shiver that runs up your arms and spine that make your hairs stand on end, but only for a brief moment. Still, she notices and you smile, only a little embarrassed, and you squeeze her hand. You are only human. She smiles back with a twinkle that almost says I caught you. That playful smile that brings light to her eyes and causes your heart to dance. So you pull her in closer as you continue strolling through the winter night. There will be warmth soon but the journey is still ahead, but it is lit. The moon lights up the snow as if you are in a black and white photograph. The shades and contrast cause your moving figures to almost leap out to eyes of the natural world as it moves around you. As it moves through you. You are a part of it just as much as you are a part of each other. In unison you leave your mark, small footprints in the snow.



But you don't look back, because what is behind you? What is so important back there, when everything that you want is with you and in front of you? So you move on, smiling. Knowing that everything will be alright. Soon there will be a fire roaring, laughter in the air stirring with emotion and the smells of cocoa and cider. That this perfect silence is as much of a beautiful contrast to that near future are as those colors around you in the night. But just as the blacks are incomplete with the brilliant light, so does this moment complete you. She completes you. And so as the world continues to turn, and time drifts slowly away, the snow will fall as you walk closer and closer to your future. This is my composition. This is my Music of the Night. Strolling in the moonlight.

Life is like a Library

You ever have places where you just feel at home? A place where you can go to collect your thoughts and your feelings? For me a library is such a place. It is filled with information, opinions, people of the past and the present and all their experiences. These books are memories, and being memories are windows to them. My life is much the same. But I have not read every book or read every author. I would want to. There would be so much to gain!

In my life, I can see these "books." Many of which are just beginning and some have passed on but I enjoy to picking them up and rereading them. To see where I have been opens a vision to who I have become and who I can yet be. But again, like any book, some you can start reading and see that you will not be able to finish it. It doesn't capture your imagination, involve you into the story, doesn't incite a deeper way of thinking, whatever it is, it just doesn't do it for you. And then there are the classics... the books you just can't put down, ones you want to reread over and over and over again. It is a treasure to find such a read. But people are like books in a library, you do not own them. And if you don't spend enough time you may not be able to get to the ending before it is time. And then they are gone.



It won't matter if it is a classic or if it is a book that turns into a pillow by page four. People move on. So what I am saying is become captivated by those in your life. Be involved. Be in every page of their life, savor every word, every moment. Be someone worth remembering. Become a memory. There is a wonderful phrase within the scriptures and it is, look and live. Well, in this context I say love and live. The people I remember the most, I loved the most. Every moment felt like it would last for a lifetime. Do not give it up because if you wait you may lose it and then it will be gone. Some live in the past and forget their present, so their future fades and they become a thing of the past. So live now. Learn to love and you will have learned to live forever.

Checkmate

So I was talking to one of my roommates today and it made me think... go figure. I thought about something my dad had taught me to do a long time ago. He was teaching me how to play chess. First we started off with a game called take-me. You try to put your pieces in places where your opponent must take them and the first one to clear their side of the board wins. It is supposed to teach you what not to do, that way when you play a real game you can avoid making stupid mistakes. Then, he taught me a simple rule of thumb and it is to think two-steps ahead. If you didn't have a plan or a goal then it is real tough to be able to see not only where you are going but what your opponent was planning on doing as well.

You can take these same things and use them in real life too. You can think two steps ahead and try to figure out what people are thinking, to see what you need to do to reach your own goals. You know what you don't want to do, so don't put yourself in a position where that may happen, where you can be "taken." But as I talked to my roommate I realized that some times I took these things too far. Right now I am studying to be a Mechanical Engineer in college. It is a good occupation, will pay well in the future, will have good benefits, and it will help me get where I want to be. But is that really what I want to do? And that is where my roommate and I's discussion began.

The question is not really what do I want to do. There are hundreds, thousands of different things that a person CAN do. But what they SHOULD do is completely different. You see every one of us is an individual. We have different personalities, skills, likes and dislikes. We are all different shapes. And kind of like a little baby with its toys, you take the block and put it in the hole that has the same shape. You really shouldn't be trying to jam yourself into any old "hole" or job that looks good. First you need to figure out your "shape" and look for what you can fit into. So again the question is not really what do I want to do. The question is what am I made to do? Who am I? Where do I fit in?

Even though I think I would make a fine engineer, would I truly enjoy it? Would it wear me down? There is a lot to think about and lot for me to discover, so why wait! The time is now. But I guess what I am trying to say, is we need to figure out who we are, how we move, how we tick. Which piece are you? Are you a pawn and only move steady and straight? Are you a knight and jump, jump, jump around? Are you a bishop and only move side to side? Whatever you are you need to figure it out, otherwise you may end up in a place you didn't ever want to be without really knowing how you got there in the first place. And then, checkmate... Take control of your life.